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Discuss How do you create an attractive lifestyle. at the Newbie Discussion Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; How do you create an attractive lifestyle. Im not talking about women. Cause we all ...
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    How do you create an attractive lifestyle.

    Im not talking about women. Cause we all now that we are a reflection of our life, if our life is depressing then we are depressed.

    I have issues finding passion in life! Ivé tried out a billion things but never found anything exciting in a passionate sense.

    Then there is the dicipline to make it happen, keeping a routine and doing it everyday and not be limited by procrastination like me.

    Does anyone have some solid advice on this one. Maybe on what it is that makes us tick or finding it out.



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    In no way do I have an attractive style, but I do consider myself passionate about a lot of things. It's really helpful to just have a desire to learn. For example, I decide that I think computer systems are pretty cool, but I know nothing about it. So I look into it, study it, I find it's pretty interesting, and I become fairly passionate about it. Is there anything you want to learn about? You can be passionate about history, about science--about anything you're interesting in learning. Photography, acting, archery.. literally anything. You may want to try a Google search of hobbies, and then just try and learn about them. And I'd also say, don't feel limited or restricted. I recently joined an Improv Club (and I'm no actor) but I think it's a risk that turned out for the better; it's a good way to express yourself. The more I learn about it, the more facets I realize it has and the more passionate I become about it. I think this is what comes out when you speak; it reflects a passionate and diverse personality.

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    How are you doing financially?

    You will spend a lot of money at first, but:

    start with external things:

    -where do you live? Do you live in hot-spot of your city? or do you live in suburbia and rent two-bedroom shit hole on the 3rd floor of quiet neighborhood?
    -what do you wear? Do you buy your clothes at Kohls/Wal-Mart/JC Penny? OR do you wear cool shit you buy at designer stores. You don't need multi million dollar wardrobe but you'll need several unusual and somewhat high quality items.
    -what do you drive? Is it Toyota Camry or something classy? A jeep is 10 times more exciting than a minivan. A couple years old BMW 3-series is MUCH better than Honda Accord 2011.
    - Do you own a bike? Bonus points if it's Harley or Ducati.
    - Do you buy cool accessories to wear with your nice clothes?
    - What does inside of your apartment look like? Does it have pizza boxes with 2 week old pizza crust in them? Messy? Or does it have hip art work on the wall, unusual furniture, collection of wine, at least one vase, fridge stocked with healthy food, plenty of drinks, and a mini bar.
    - What about your bedroom? Does it look like a bedroom you'd see James Bond in, or does it look like a bedroom a WoW fanatic would sleep in?
    - Do you work out?

    Social life
    - What do you do for a living? Sedentary jobs are boring. Bartender has more excitement at his work than a software engineer. True? Not True? Go figure, most bartenders interact with attractive females all weekend long. How many attractive females you find in IT Department?
    - Who are your friends? Buds from IT department or promoters and rich spoiled kids from Uptown?
    - What is highlight of your friday night? A barbecue with coworkers, followed by out to a local pub for few beers and attempts at talking to girls? Or is it shopping with female friends for new outfit to wear for tonight's VIP event in hottest club downtown, to which you and your friends are going to arrive in a limo?
    - What do your friends like to do? play computer games?
    - Do you enjoy active hobbies (surfing, skiing, mountain climbing, swimming, kayaking, white water rafting) or passive (chess, poetry readings, knitting, golf, etc)?
    - When was last time you went to a concert?
    - When was last time you went to a concert with female friends? What about seeing a DJ?



    For longest time i was chasing different hobbies, only to quit after few weeks of dabbing in it.

    Then i realised, i don't have anyone to do it with.

    Once you make more friends that like different things, you will find joy in things you never thought you would. BECAUSE your friends do it. If your friend surf, you would naturally be interested in it. If your friends go hiking, you would too. If your buddies enjoy white water rafting, go check it out. Sometimes hobbies pick you, not other way around.


    But then again, a lot of hobbies call for money. If you're struggling financially, fix that first. It's hard to have mindblowing lifestyle on the budget. Especially in LARGE city.
    The ghost of pua's past.

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    make everything you do cool.

    Would echo True Story's comments but add that a lot of it is about conveying attractiveness or taking average epxeriences and making them attractive.

    I mean yeah having you own place and a nice car is attractive but you can make anything you do no matter the money you have attractive.

    A good basic explanation is to do with the way things are communicated. Everyone that reads this forum or any of the materials knows if someone asks you what you do and your honest you say what you do but sex it up like I work in IT security, I don't tell people that when they ask, when they ask I say I break in to companies electronically and then help the plug the holes sound smore James Bond lol.

    So taking this forward to have an atractiv elife style you just need to look like all you do is cool combined with the points in the other post. So always tell everyone you've a manic schedule and your doing x and y and then it's mental becaus eyour gonna do z and w as well and you convey it like your somecore of hardcore party animal. This doesn't have cost money you could go out, watch a film, play. go to a gallery, cook a meal at home from scratch, write a book loads of stuff but when ever you tell anyone about it that's where you put the passion in, be passionate about making it sound like what you did was the coolest thing ever.

    Then after a while you look like the coolest guy having these busy fun weekends and doing all these things it becomes attractive. Like I just travelled to India for work which from my poitn of view was hassle, long flight, difficult eating conditions, tiring, stuck ina hotel and offic eall day and then I come home.

    To everyone else I milk it, all the cool films I saw, the business class bed, the lounge, the free drinks I got at the hotel, the sights, the strange local customs, the car and driver I had etc etc so people like wow this is cool (its not lol sometimes its ok ;-) ) and then I ad wher ei might be off tonext and the fun things I got up to and it all comes together.

    By doing lots of different activities it will give you material for your apporaches as well as you can start throwing snippets into your social circle conversations.

    Don't look like you bragging though make it genuine insights based on the adventures your having.

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    Well right now im in school so moving or having getting a job isnīt an option.

    Im gonna buy new clothes as i get a hold of some money. I have nice clothes, clothes has always been important for me. But i need to update.

    About the friend thing. Ivé realized that im surrounded with people who actually are either egoistic or emotionally unstable. Some of them keep ranting the words i donīt care and so on... But i see them sometimes looking around, trying to make eyecontact with other people, but it ends up with heads turning away. And the reason for that is because they donīt want to change. They have their lives and rant the words i donīt care just as an excuse because they feel left out or judged, but just saying that means you do! And the reason is because alot of them dont want to get uncomfortable. They dont want to change for the better or for others. They dont want to put in the extra effort if it means you have to do it for someone else. Like getting a girl.

    They dont care about their looks, how they live or what they do. They just like to be in their own comfortzone. They do get girls, but if i comes to aiding a friend, well as i said they are a bunch of egoīs. They even put others down if it makes them laugh or knowing that they can get to one like that. They are nice people, (sounds like something else), but... Well, they are weird in that way, they seem to be nice, but really arent that affectionate about others. They are emotionally backwards.

    These people whom im talking about are not really even my friends, because we are such of a different people. I dont have anyone to share my life with. I do love them all, they are good people. But some stuff they do is just out of the picture of living as an adult. In a way they are free, they dont care about their looks, appearance or social ques. They put themselves first. I myself am a recovering nice guy! But im in this for creating a life, seeing what kind of options are available. Then you do need to put in an extra effort of self- sacrifice! Am i wrong here guys?

    Looking good has always been important for me, maybe from fear or bad confidence. Maybe because estethics are important to me. Maybe im just judgemental and shallow, i dont know anymore. Maybe im just tired of having nothing going on for me. Itīs hard to know who you are anymore, one nice guy syndrome is that you put alot of weight on attachments. But having an interest or being with people whom just talk about themselves, without sharing the same lifestyle when im trying to create one.

    I guess it is about finding people who you can be at the same level with. But people nowadays have their lives and are busy. Some start families and im not gonna be able to build one in for about 6 or 7 years.

    I dont know where im crossing the fine line of being counterproductive meaning not recovering from the nice guy syndrome, or getting a life. And then there is the fear of letting your friends down. Or maybe ending up alone and then not having anything going on for yourself. I need to change, i need to get something going on for me. But my past experience tells me that ilīl end up alone. Like i always do!

    I dont know what to do?

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    one thing i do is any time i feel a spike of happiness or a spike of unhappiness or even some random moment of the day, i ask myself "what would i rather be doing right now, or Where would i rather be right now" and then imagine myself doing what i wished i was doing. by doing that a lot it let me see the things in life i want to change and the things i want to keep. then spend your time replacing the things you want to change. like replace sitting watching tv with playing poker, replace smoking with reading a book.

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    I think I misunderstood your question. Actually, you probably meant a different thing by "attractive lifestyle"

    I was under impression that you were way past college age, I guess you come off more mature than your age.

    Anyways,


    Quote Originally Posted by donehell View Post
    Well right now im in school so moving or having getting a job isnīt an option.
    Having a job in college serves 2 things: first, you get to make some small cash for misc. shit to spend on, like clothes, etc.
    Second, it puts you in social situation and surrounds you with people. Since you're IN SCHOOL get a job in local college bar. EVEN IF YOU WORK 1-2 DAYS A WEEK, this will give you couple opportunities. If you're a bartender, doorman, bouncer, etc. you'll get to interact and see a lot of hot girls. And they will be asking you for things (DHV). You might not get paid much, but it's good opportunity to be surrounded by attractive staff (cocktail waitresses). Most girls ages 18-24 work in restaurants, bars, clubs, etc. as waitresses. Being surrounded by hot staff is a perk of food-service job.

    Im gonna buy new clothes as i get a hold of some money. I have nice clothes, clothes has always been important for me. But i need to update.

    Clothes do not have to be expensive overall. Own maybe 1-2 REALLY nice things. Since you're going out in COLLEGE scene you need to have clothes that are cool, not necessarily expensive. A 26 year old in Armani suit = success. A college kid in Armani suit = daddy's trust-fund baby. Focus on looking cool and unique. Think of what your peers wear: shorts, polo's, douchey bracelet from Buckle, etc. Do not wear what everyone else is wear. Always dress ONE level above. I am not saying to wear suits to a pub, but have unique style. I think Brad P wrote a book on fashion.
    About the friend thing. Ivé realized that im surrounded with people who actually are either egoistic or emotionally unstable. Some of them keep ranting the words i donīt care and so on... But i see them sometimes looking around, trying to make eyecontact with other people, but it ends up with heads turning away. And the reason for that is because they donīt want to change. They have their lives and rant the words i donīt care just as an excuse because they feel left out or judged, but just saying that means you do! And the reason is because alot of them dont want to get uncomfortable. They dont want to change for the better or for others. They dont want to put in the extra effort if it means you have to do it for someone else. Like getting a girl.
    Fuck 'em!

    You're not here to save the world, change your friends and make someone life happier. You tend to pick friends based on who you are inside. Your friends is direct reflection of who you think you are but haven't realised it yet. Not everyone is going to be alpha and not everyone is a leader. Learn to accept your friends as beta's and nice guys. Do not let them influence you. Limit the time you spend with these people as bad/negative attitudes rub off on you. It's good to have many friends that you don't get stuck hanging out with the same person every time. Also consider expanding your FEMALE social circle.

    They dont care about their looks, how they live or what they do. They just like to be in their own comfortzone. They do get girls, but if i comes to aiding a friend, well as i said they are a bunch of egoīs. They even put others down if it makes them laugh or knowing that they can get to one like that. They are nice people, (sounds like something else), but... Well, they are weird in that way, they seem to be nice, but really arent that affectionate about others. They are emotionally backwards.
    Well, guess what, ....ummm i would have to guess that 90% of the world lives in their comfort zone. Like i said, what they do is their problem. Sounds like you're trying to "help them". knock it off.

    You can take horse to the water but can't make it drink. Focus on your own attitude: what you look like, how you live, your hobbies. Naturally, the kind of friends that enjoy same positive things will emerge. Don't get attached to people. People come and go. You will find couple true friends that will like you no matter who you are and will always be supportive of your decision. Well "always" is loosely used here.

    Also keep in mind, most people are selfish and jealous. If you're more successful then they are, they will put you down and try to find faults in what you're doing (or in you). This is a sign of "playa haters". There are haters in all aspects of life: success with women, financial success, intelligence, physical appearance, lifestyle, etc. I got used to it, many got used to it, you will too
    These people whom im talking about are not really even my friends, because we are such of a different people. I dont have anyone to share my life with. I do love them all, they are good people. But some stuff they do is just out of the picture of living as an adult. In a way they are free, they dont care about their looks, appearance or social ques. They put themselves first. I myself am a recovering nice guy! But im in this for creating a life, seeing what kind of options are available. Then you do need to put in an extra effort of self- sacrifice! Am i wrong here guys?
    You're right, but I don't understand why do you care about these people if they are not your real friends? Live and let live. And i will tell you a secret: these guys DO care what they look like or what they are, HOWEVER they are sooooo afraid of failing, they don't try. They might say "oh whatever, i don't care if i don't get girls, I am happy as i am". Well, that means they do care and they actively assumed that it's ok to live their lives the way it is now, otherwise, god forbid they try and fail they will feel stupid.

    My favorite line is "I am happy with who i am (what i have / where I am now)"
    You hear this a lot when you try to get someone to try to change. Guess what? They are NOT happy but they are too afraid to leave their comfort zone. LET THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE GO. Let them bathe in their own "misery". If they need to convince themselves that what they have makes them happy, let them. There is a ONE MAJOR difference between being happy with what you have/who you are and being miserably but thinking you're happy. The difference is, happy people don't feel like they have to persuade others to believe that they are happy. Happy successful people don't remind themselves and others that they are happy about something. They just are.

    Why "self sacrifice"?

    You're not recovering nice guy. You're recovering selfish person. Being "Nice" to everyone means only one thing: Please like me and make me feel good about myself. Being nice is seeking validation from outside world: "I do nice things so you like me so i feel good about myself. IF i do nice things but you do not like me, i start playing victimism. All i care about is that I feel good about myself. However, my moral programming wont allow me to be selfish, so i am going to disguise it under 'nice guy'. If you dare to not like me for my niceness, i will go out of my way and be EVEN MORE nicer to you, therefore guilt tripping you into liking me and accepting me. I will bend backwards, forward, to either side, as you wish me to bend because, I have no spine and will try to do things to please you. God help you if you're an attractive female, i will find myself doing things i didn't think i could do just so you like me. If you will not like me, i will feel like a victim and i will feel rejected, therefore my self worth will HIGHLY depend on your decision. I will put all this pressure on you, woman, to define me, accept me and like me, ....if you don't i will act like a victim and will passively aggressively call you a cold hearted bitch, probably quietly to myself"

    ^ maybe not these exact words but that's what define Nice Guy. As you can see not exactly attractive way to think about the world.
    Looking good has always been important for me, maybe from fear or bad confidence. Maybe because estethics are important to me. Maybe im just judgemental and shallow, i dont know anymore. Maybe im just tired of having nothing going on for me. Itīs hard to know who you are anymore, one nice guy syndrome is that you put alot of weight on attachments. But having an interest or being with people whom just talk about themselves, without sharing the same lifestyle when im trying to create one.

    I guess it is about finding people who you can be at the same level with. But people nowadays have their lives and are busy. Some start families and im not gonna be able to build one in for about 6 or 7 years.

    I dont know where im crossing the fine line of being counterproductive meaning not recovering from the nice guy syndrome, or getting a life. And then there is the fear of letting your friends down. Or maybe ending up alone and then not having anything going on for yourself. I need to change, i need to get something going on for me. But my past experience tells me that ilīl end up alone. Like i always do!

    I dont know what to do?
    You seem overall going through a depression phase.

    correct me if i am mistaken,

    What you meant to ask is not "how to create a attractive lifestyle" but "how do i change things around me (outside of my control) in order for me to be happy"


    The answer is, you cannot change things around you. You can only change what surrounds you. If you come to a movie theatre and there is something next seat that stinks you don't try to figure out what it is and you don't go get a mop from janitor closet to mop it up, no. you get up and find another seat so you can enjoy rest of the movie.
    The ghost of pua's past.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TrueStory View Post
    I think I misunderstood your question. Actually, you probably meant a different thing by "attractive lifestyle"

    I was under impression that you were way past college age, I guess you come off more mature than your age.
    Well im back in school at the age of 27, so im a bit older. Our government made changes when a new party got elected so i need to restudy some grades to go back to collage.

    Having a job in college serves 2 things: first, you get to make some small cash for misc. shit to spend on, like clothes, etc.
    Second, it puts you in social situation and surrounds you with people. Since you're IN SCHOOL get a job in local college bar. EVEN IF YOU WORK 1-2 DAYS A WEEK, this will give you couple opportunities. If you're a bartender, doorman, bouncer, etc. you'll get to interact and see a lot of hot girls. And they will be asking you for things (DHV). You might not get paid much, but it's good opportunity to be surrounded by attractive staff (cocktail waitresses). Most girls ages 18-24 work in restaurants, bars, clubs, etc. as waitresses. Being surrounded by hot staff is a perk of food-service job.
    Ilīl think about it! It would be good with some extracash. The studying takes alot of effort though.

    Clothes do not have to be expensive overall. Own maybe 1-2 REALLY nice things. Since you're going out in COLLEGE scene you need to have clothes that are cool, not necessarily expensive. A 26 year old in Armani suit = success. A college kid in Armani suit = daddy's trust-fund baby. Focus on looking cool and unique. Think of what your peers wear: shorts, polo's, douchey bracelet from Buckle, etc. Do not wear what everyone else is wear. Always dress ONE level above. I am not saying to wear suits to a pub, but have unique style. I think Brad P wrote a book on fashion.
    I shouldnt have any fashion problems. So i guess ilīl work something out. I never dress as the mainstream, but that means that you have to put in a few extra bucks.

    Fuck 'em!

    You're not here to save the world, change your friends and make someone life happier. You tend to pick friends based on who you are inside. Your friends is direct reflection of who you think you are but haven't realised it yet. Not everyone is going to be alpha and not everyone is a leader. Learn to accept your friends as beta's and nice guys. Do not let them influence you. Limit the time you spend with these people as bad/negative attitudes rub off on you. It's good to have many friends that you don't get stuck hanging out with the same person every time. Also consider expanding your FEMALE social circle.
    That is the problem, i seem to care more than my friends do. There is one girl turning into an alcoholic, i talked to my other friend from the same social circle about this and he just talked about himself. COMPLETELY IGNORING THE FACT THAT I BROUGHT UP! He did this again and again. This is the egoistic part that im talking about. But i guess it is her load in life and i canīt do anything about that. Ivé always been looking out for people but not myself. But seeing my other friends reaction, it was like he didnt care at all. Iīt scares me somehow, how people just donīt care.

    About getting to know new people, this is what i have been doing, i want to expand my female friend- circle.

    Well, guess what, ....ummm i would have to guess that 90% of the world lives in their comfort zone. Like i said, what they do is their problem. Sounds like you're trying to "help them". knock it off.

    You can take horse to the water but can't make it drink. Focus on your own attitude: what you look like, how you live, your hobbies. Naturally, the kind of friends that enjoy same positive things will emerge. Don't get attached to people. People come and go. You will find couple true friends that will like you no matter who you are and will always be supportive of your decision. Well "always" is loosely used here.
    I donīt know what im doing, i think it is weird that people arenīt supportive of eachother. Or care for that matter. But itīs like you say, i always think that people need to be saved. I always look out for everyone. A NICE GUY TRAIT!

    About the lifestyle. Iīm actually trying to build up a blueprint. Ivé been working on my attitude. But this is a huge conundrum for me, itīs like i canīt focus on one thing. Nothing seems to be interesting and i dontīt know why. It is hard and you feel incompetent. I wanīt to have something going on for me, something to fall back into. But i canīt and it has to do with that iīm such a passive person. I donīt find anything interesting. Other people seem to have such passion and just fall naturally into whatever they are doing.

    Also keep in mind, most people are selfish and jealous. If you're more successful then they are, they will put you down and try to find faults in what you're doing (or in you). This is a sign of "playa haters". There are haters in all aspects of life: success with women, financial success, intelligence, physical appearance, lifestyle, etc. I got used to it, many got used to it, you will too
    Yeah, ivé noticed this. For some reason if someone does something out of their imagined picture, they will start talking, -How can a guy like him get a girl like that and so on.... Loosertalk in my ears.

    You're right, but I don't understand why do you care about these people if they are not your real friends? Live and let live. And i will tell you a secret: these guys DO care what they look like or what they are, HOWEVER they are sooooo afraid of failing, they don't try. They might say "oh whatever, i don't care if i don't get girls, I am happy as i am". Well, that means they do care and they actively assumed that it's ok to live their lives the way it is now, otherwise, god forbid they try and fail they will feel stupid.
    Im wondering the same thing, ivé realised that it has to do with guilt! Iīm afraid of beeing the bad guy here, beeing wrong. What if i am judging them, or looking down upon them. Deservingly ending up alone. The only thing i know is that ivé been way off for along time, finding people whoīm you are at the same level with can be hard for a guy my age. Especially when youvé lost track on how to behave, feel, think or know how you wanīt to look like. Everything is just so abstract in a way. I think it has to do with selfconfidence, being shure of something. I probably need to work on this. Maybe becoming normal again (Ivé been living in my head for too long.)

    My favorite line is "I am happy with who i am (what i have / where I am now)"
    You hear this a lot when you try to get someone to try to change. Guess what? They are NOT happy but they are too afraid to leave their comfort zone. LET THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE GO. Let them bathe in their own "misery". If they need to convince themselves that what they have makes them happy, let them. There is a ONE MAJOR difference between being happy with what you have/who you are and being miserably but thinking you're happy. The difference is, happy people don't feel like they have to persuade others to believe that they are happy. Happy successful people don't remind themselves and others that they are happy about something. They just are.
    Change takes a great deal from us people, you have to leave your old self, become uncertain at everything. Not everyone are ready to leave their world as it is what keeps them alive. Often they do just when they loose everything. Some just donīt care about anything and always run, (these always try to express their abundance, really they dont have anything else but shallow tricks under their sleeves.) I guess by being with people whom you are at the same level with would do a great deal. Sadly these are hard to find.

    Why "self sacrifice"?

    You're not recovering nice guy. You're recovering selfish person. Being "Nice" to everyone means only one thing: Please like me and make me feel good about myself. Being nice is seeking validation from outside world: "I do nice things so you like me so i feel good about myself. IF i do nice things but you do not like me, i start playing victimism. All i care about is that I feel good about myself. However, my moral programming wont allow me to be selfish, so i am going to disguise it under 'nice guy'. If you dare to not like me for my niceness, i will go out of my way and be EVEN MORE nicer to you, therefore guilt tripping you into liking me and accepting me. I will bend backwards, forward, to either side, as you wish me to bend because, I have no spine and will try to do things to please you. God help you if you're an attractive female, i will find myself doing things i didn't think i could do just so you like me. If you will not like me, i will feel like a victim and i will feel rejected, therefore my self worth will HIGHLY depend on your decision. I will put all this pressure on you, woman, to define me, accept me and like me, ....if you don't i will act like a victim and will passively aggressively call you a cold hearted bitch, probably quietly to myself"
    Well im nice because im a negative shallow person by heart, i hate, i categorize people, i see weird people and try to like them and accept them. Even though i wonder what the hell is wrong with them. I think it has to do with me hanging around idiots all of my life, people with bad personalities. On top of that i had a psychopathic parent.

    My way of trying to make amends has been by being nice. But i always seem to find people with huge personality problems. Like narcissism, selfishness or some mayor fault that just damages me even further. If i werenīt this nice. Well whatīs lying underneath is not pretty. Iīm trying to change. But i donīt know if it is even possible to change your core self. I feel that im a better person than before though, but the fact that people donīt like me, this tells me that there is something wrong with me.

    ^ maybe not these exact words but that's what define Nice Guy. As you can see not exactly attractive way to think about the world.
    I know: One side is a mess, the other side is even worse. I feel like im flipping a rusty coin here and both sides are tainted. A nice guy syndrome: You feel like there is something wrong with you, that you are bad. You feel like you need to hide yourself.


    But i feel like i am truly bad, that im a horrible person. Iīm afraid of just exploding in everyones face because they have been treating me like shit! This is ofcourse my own fault! Being a hateful covard like me. Well ilīl end up alone. Another nice guy syndrome: fear of abandonment. It is not that i believe that i am a horrible person, i am a horrible person! Ivé heard it so many times, people have always been telling me this! I feel it also. What if i dump the nice guy act and all hell brakes loose!? I really donīt like people, they are judgemental, they trashtalk you and later just ignore you. Not taking me as a whole person. At the same time iīm just like them. Maybe it is my projection i donīt know. But it is like you say: seeking validation from the outside world. I always hear someone saying something bad about me behind my back! I know i shouldnīt care, i know that people always say stupid things. But somehow i feel like iīm not loved, neither by strangers or my friends. And there is a reson for this, i just donīt know what?

    You seem overall going through a depression phase.

    correct me if i am mistaken,
    Yeah ivé had issues with depression, but nowadays i feel happier. Itīs not as bad as it sounds in my textīs though. But i have some issues that need to be sorted out.

    What you meant to ask is not "how to create a attractive lifestyle" but "how do i change things around me (outside of my control) in order for me to be happy"

    The answer is, you cannot change things around you. You can only change what surrounds you. If you come to a movie theatre and there is something next seat that stinks you don't try to figure out what it is and you don't go get a mop from janitor closet to mop it up, no. you get up and find another seat so you can enjoy rest of the movie
    Well, you are right about trying to change things out of my control. It is i myself that i cannot control. My feelings, i am too sensitive to the world and donīt know how to stop them. Im easy to control, people do this with amog tactics, shame and guilt dumping. And im always too slow to realize that my feelings of being bad are wrong. That the people doing this are wrong. It is easy to control a person who "thinks" with his or her feelings, meaning that they feel things about. If the person believes that they are always wrong. Welīl by just making them feel that way, then it is easy to steer them.

    I guess it is like you say, getting up and choosing another seat. But somehow i feel that living in a destructive way, (being with people whom i donīt have any commonalities with e.g.) Is better than being alone. I guess it has to do with incompetence, have the ability to attract new people into your life. This is one reason for me being here. Iīm not here for women, im here for myself. Thus creating a lifestyle. But somehow something is lacking and i donīt know what. It is the passion part. Maybe i need some damn dicipline. But it would be so much easier having people around you who shared the common interest.

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    You're not recovering nice guy. You're recovering selfish person. Being "Nice" to everyone means only one thing: Please like me and make me feel good about myself. Being nice is seeking validation from outside world: "I do nice things so you like me so i feel good about myself. IF i do nice things but you do not like me, i start playing victimism. All i care about is that I feel good about myself. However, my moral programming wont allow me to be selfish, so i am going to disguise it under 'nice guy'. If you dare to not like me for my niceness, i will go out of my way and be EVEN MORE nicer to you, therefore guilt tripping you into liking me and accepting me. I will bend backwards, forward, to either side, as you wish me to bend because, I have no spine and will try to do things to please you. God help you if you're an attractive female, i will find myself doing things i didn't think i could do just so you like me. If you will not like me, i will feel like a victim and i will feel rejected, therefore my self worth will HIGHLY depend on your decision. I will put all this pressure on you, woman, to define me, accept me and like me, ....if you don't i will act like a victim and will passively aggressively call you a cold hearted bitch, probably quietly to myself"
    I like this.
    I was in a situation recently where i realized i was playing the victim hardout. Add to that my fragile self confidence and that my life hasn't worked out as great as i had hoped after moving to a new city and landing an awesome job. But reading that paragraph really allowed me to see the futility of what i was doing.

    Im not saying im cured, but i can see that theres a choice.

    For people that are sooo used to jumping into the victim mentality and have low self confidence, is there anyway to help yourself through the inevitable knock backs of building an attractive life/learning pua/building a socail cirlce?

    Or do you just have to constantly tell yourself "fuck it, im not going back to that shit."?

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    Not to derail the topic, but I just wanted to say - really appreciate TrueStory's advice and summary of the "nice guy" thing, very familiar and recognizable.

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