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Discuss i think i'm wasting my time at the Newbie Discussion Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; i think i'm wasting my time Long story short... I work with a chick, she ...
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    i think i'm wasting my time

    Long story short...

    I work with a chick, she has a boyfriend, she also has a ring from him on her ring finger they've been going out for 3 years. I've spent a lot of time talking to her at work and we've gone out several times, during this time her boyfriend was not around out of state or whatever. The times we did go out she had a lot of fun and would tell me she really enjoyed it the next time I see her. However, getting her to go out took more effort than I am use to as she would always give me a maybe answer when I asked. I talk to her a lot on the phone. She tells me stuff is not going well with her boyfriend and that she will get hurt in the end. She also asks me random questions: "Do you think we would work if we dated? I feel like I'm dating you. Whats your relationship with X at work? blah blah blah." I will admit I was a AFC and she got me to do lots of stupid things for her at work and outside of work. She knows how I feel about her and I've asked her how she feels ( dumb mistake on my part ), only reason I asked was I was so confused and really don't care anymore. Her answer was "I don't know, I can't give you an answer since I'm with him."

    During this time I've been hanging out with my friends and they all ask me why I continue to chase after this woman. At the same time I've been talking to another girl I met randomly at school going to class last week.

    So my question is: Am i basically being dragged around like an idiot for emotional support?

    I think I knew from the beginning this would be like this but I don't understand why I still went through all this crap. Any suggestions are welcome. Also about my game I'm not the even close to amazing but I still continue trying.
    Last edited by virkar; 07-30-2010 at 07:20 PM. Reason: forgot some details



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    You are wasting your time right now. Chasing a girl that's in a 3 year relationship is desperate. She'll subconsciously know you're desperate so she won't be attracted to you.

    So forget her for now and go chase some other available women. This will keep your value high and give you practice to improve your skills. So if you still really want this chick, if she then eventually breaks up with her bf, you can try again with your improved skills. Or if not, well you're chasing other women so just succeed in that and it's all good.

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    oz187 pretty much sums it up.

    Respect other people's relationships.
    Plus you've made a few mistakes that most likely killed off any attraction. Get some (emotional) distance between her and yourself. Everything will look different with some distance.

    I once (ok, maybe twice) made the mistake to chase a woman in a relationship. Oh boy, did that end bad. For me, not for her of course.

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    cough *one* cough *itis* cough
    Improving since 1990

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    Thanks for the responses, like i said i figured it was stupid of me from the beginning, and since Friday I've already stopped communicating with her other than work related.

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    not really necessary. i still hang around with most of the girls that i've been attracted to. pivots are an excelent use of the friend zone imo. especially when you're just learning. you scream pre-selection and you learn a lot about how girls really work by "listening to her problems" and stuff. just dont get any idea's of getting her once you've accepted that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RBSG View Post
    not really necessary. i still hang around with most of the girls that i've been attracted to. pivots are an excelent use of the friend zone imo. especially when you're just learning. you scream pre-selection and you learn a lot about how girls really work by "listening to her problems" and stuff. just dont get any idea's of getting her once you've accepted that.
    2nd that.

    Why cut contact altogether? If it's too hard for you, okay, we get that. Grab some tissues and gftow
    Improving since 1990

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    I mean I have to see her at work so cutting all contact is not an option nor is it good way in my book to just run away from problems. I had work with her today and we talked for a little bit, I don't see this as a problem in terms of working together. I think it will probably be best to just have her as another friend and keep it at that. Since I've decided its a waste of my time and was stupid of me I've noticed things about her that I dislike when she talks or acts, and wonder why I didn't see this in the beginning. So yeah I will take your advice Lester and gftow.

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    Quote Originally Posted by virkar View Post
    I've noticed things about her that I dislike when she talks or acts, and wonder why I didn't see this in the beginning.
    GFTOW is a great solution, but THIS is the one true cure for oneitis, i still love my old case (we're literally best friends), but i'm totally aware that we never would have worked cos there is honestly things about her i absolutely fucking hate xD, i'd still fuck her, but i'm not, and haven't for some time, trying anymore.

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