Discuss LMR leads to frustration, leads to LJBF, Fight, leads to GFTOW? at the Newbie Discussion Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; LMR leads to frustration, leads to LJBF, Fight, leads to GFTOW?
Okay so here's how ...
LMR leads to frustration, leads to LJBF, Fight, leads to GFTOW?
Okay so here's how it goes. Unfortunately, after spending the past few years working on my game, i've done well with women. I've managed to improve greatly and have had my share of fun. I've enjoyed the single life, but got a taste of a real relationship for a few short months. During this relationship I met a girl that became my "unicorn" my one-itis per say. But it's not oneitis cuz I still saw/had sex/did stuff with other girls along the way. But when I was with this girl some AFC stuff triggered out.
The time we've spent together over the past few months has driven me crazy. I feel for her, and feel like I just know her better than any person in my life, family, friends included. The stuff we've talked about, the days spent until 7am in the morning together. Then a few weeks ago it got sexual and 3rd base occured. The next day it wasn't awkward, in fact, things were different but in a good way, I felt like our interactions were easier now that the sexual tension had been slightly relieved. She did LMR me from a full close, probably because the day before she saw her BF for the first time in 6 months and she was feeling guilty/unsure.
The next time we hung out we kissed, nothing more, but she let me into her world more after things went sexual. I went on a trip with her and she had me meet her family. She brought me to the grave of her ex-BF.
We have, what I thought, was an amazing emotional connection that I have never experienced before. Until Monday.
Monday we go the springs, two ex-FB tag-alongs of her are there. We have a good time at the spring, but she's sort of stand-offish. I'm not feeling very good about this. She meets another HB there and wants her to comeback with us. So we're driving back and I perk up after 1/2 way back because she says "Sweetnitrojesus we're spending the night with you." (meaning her and the girl) to which the ex-FB of hers in the backseat pretty much guffaws at "really? wow" and she says something along the lines of "yeah i'm over you." to him.
The three of us hang out for awhile, then when we're about to leave for what I thought was her place she asks me to give her a ride to a neighborhood around here. Knowing full-well she just got off the phone with a F.B. of hers, I ask why? She said she has to 'take care of some business'. All of the sudden all the progress we've had together just demolished in my eyes. We drive, she gives me money, tells me to take the HB we picked up out to eat and then come pick her up. We return 40 mins later, grab her start taking her home, she proceeds to talk about the sex she just had to the friend. I guess I appeared pissed off, and when we stop at her place she pulls me aside to talk to me.
She asks "Why do you always act like this when I get with other guys?"
I said "What are you talkin' about?"
she said "like this, angry." I
kind of gave her a look and said "Come on, you have to know."
she said "What that you're interested in me? You know this happens, we've talked about it, you know I see other people."
I said "Yeah, so do I. but this is the first time you do it right in my face. You basically just had me drop you off to get fucked, and expect me to be okay with it?"
"We went into this as just friends you knew that."
and the AFC starts to fight its way out again.
"Yeah but you're really going to tell me that nothing has changed since then? What we've done together since, the connection we've developed."
"Maybe in your perspective."
"You're saying you never did anything to ever lead me on?"
"No, name three."
I blank, but there have been numerous times from wrestling, to kissing, to fingering, to the constant teasing, etc etc.
She then tells me that she didn't do that with me because she thinks we have a much more meaningful connection. She didn't want me to be her FB because she says next week when her BF gets back those people will disappear forever and she'll never see or speak to them again. She wanted me to be more than that. She said though when he gets back there are only two people in her life, her friends, and her BF, no in-between. She then said that she wants to marry him in the next two years, and without him there's no her.
I basically told her that I'm not going to sit around and wait like someone without a backbone. I told her if those are the only two options then i'm just going to have to leave too. She then called me out saying that I was selfish if I just leave her. Starting to throw it back at me, basically trying to keep me around so she can have her cake and eat it too. I tell her I can't do that and start to head to my car, then she starts gettin pissy saying that's exactly what I would do, walk away, leave them stranded, etc. Even though that thought never crossed my mind (leaving them stranded that is).
After some back and forth and realizing i'm in no condition (tipsy) to drive, she sleeps in a room w/ her HB friend, and I on the couch. Cancel the plans for the next day where we were supposed to go to a beach house. I go with my male buddies, I get super fucking trashed to cope.
I know she was trying to make it seem like she was 100% innocent, no leading, no teasing, no nothing. Then blaming me essentially for the feelings I had developed. But there's a difference between being just friends, and being someone that you've touched intimately.
I know the best thing is to just chalk this up as experience, realize that I gave in too easily, realize that I should just GFTOW which i'm already on the way towards. But there's something that I just want to know. I want to know whether or not it was in fact me that just read the whole situation wrong? Was I wrong to believe that at that point that it was something more than friends? What kind of person am I supposed to be that deals with having her get dropped off to get fucked, and I'm supposed to be 100% okay with that??? How is that not manipulative. Eitherway, I'm crushed, but this is just making me want to sarge more, this is fueling my fire to better myself. I just wish it could've been with a person that i've never felt the same way about with anybody in my life.
/i'm done being emo.
In the same conversation that started right after she fucked some dude she says about her boyfriend: "that she wants to marry him in the next two years, and without him there's no her."
Does she sound like a completely healthy person to you?
No probably not. But her BF that is in rehab pretty much told her it was okay for her to sleep with guys (fuck buddies) because he knew she had needs as a woman that he couldn't take care of where he was. That makes sense to me.
So having not talked to he since Tuesday morning she text me today.
12:18am - HB - Hey
12:29am - SNJ - Hey
12:29am - HB - How are you?
12:36am - SNJ - Amazing as always.
12:36am - HB - is that so?
12:42am - SNJ - Always! What're you doing?
12:47am - HB - Cleaning my atroscious room! I've been trying to give you some space.
1:13am - SNJ - Good that place needs a deep cleaning.
1:13am - HB - Its coming together. What are you up to?
1:14am - SNJ - Hangin out w/ my friends downtown @ (local bar)
1:14am - HB - Fun
2:05am - HB - where did you put my weave?
2:24am - HB - I can't find my weave! Shit
2:28am - HB - Theres a bunch of shit i cant find now. Like my cds. please help me.
2:28am - SNJ - what are you talking about
2:29am - HB - Im missing a bunch of shit and i know i got everything from HB2's house tonight. so. idk.
2:32am - SNJ - Oh ok.
left it at that. Apparently a hair extension of hers somehow got left in my car? Haven't seen it/checked but she insists its there. Felt like I didn't want to go over there tonight bc I have a feeling all we'd do is just sit and talk.
Unless you want to keep her has a friend, I'd keep doing what you're doing. Next her.
I'm wondering though, to leave the option open in the future. Say down the line something happens and we're both single again. Would it be okay to just leave it the way we left it? Or should we reconcile, and then leave it.
Keeping in mind both ways i'd "next her"
Update last night she said "hey" i responded "yo" then she tried calling me at 9:04 didn't answer, tried calling again about 20 mins later didn't answer. Was busy. Ended up at my friends place for a BP tournament. Texted her that I was busy what's up? got a "Nvm" just left it at that.
But today her facebook status is loaded.
I'm 99.9% sure this is about me.
" I cant stand that you cant stand me. Cause i only stood you long enough to stand without him".
on its surface that makes it sound like she used me for him not being there. But it depends on how you take the connotation of stood. Does she mean stood me up as in the LMR, and to stand without him does that mean to be without him when he gets back or current? Like I said on the surface it's just a lowblow about how she was pretty much only around me because he was gone. Not sure.
Use this thread and this forum generally as your venting point because for you to respond to any of that kind of shit (Facebook status updates and the like) would be hurting your position.
I also suggest you stop reading into it because it's not only feeding into your Oneitis, but it just isn't helping things in general.
About the nexting strategy, my suggestion is to only try to reconcile things with her if you want to keep her as a friend. If all your interests lie in romance then leave it as it is. There is no need to apologize and make nice. If she wants to come back in the future and wants to fuck then cross that bridge at that time. Just next.
Ah okay that's what I figured, that's how I was handling it. That's essentially what i'm doing (using this thread as a vent to prevent myself from contacting her). Has worked so far. Have managed to keep it at bay.
Well time to GFTOW
So i've tried moving on to other targets. I have a couple interested.
Yesterday was the day her BF got back. I thought it was odd after months of "can't wait for ___ to return, etc" status updates that there was no mention of it.
I use this knowledge, however subconcious it may be (that he was getting back) to push myself harder when my buddies and I went sarging these past few nights. Almost like I was doing it to keep my mind off of things. I danced harder, sarged harder, got more numbers, did everything with purpose.
Today I go out, around midnight my best bud txt's me, "HB's status as of 6 mins ago is listed as single."
I felt like this would happen, I just didn't expect it to be so sudden. I'm pretty sure my best course of action is to just remain distant. To just wait for her, when she's ready, to re-contact me. I'm afraid though if I don't contact her she just won't bother contacting me and any opportunity will disappear. But at the same time i'm 99.9% positive that it's best to give her her space to deal with this shit, before attempting anything.
Am I right in that? Should I just wait it out?
But this bitch seems like a hoe. Sorry
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