Discuss So I was thinking... at the Newbie Discussion Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; So I was thinking...
So I was thinking today (I know it's dangerous) as I ...
So I was thinking...
So I was thinking today (I know it's dangerous) as I was making my way from Illinois to Ohio about what I see a lot on these forums.
Seems like a lot of guys are getting caught up in the minutia of the art we call Pick Up.
"Why did she do this", "I ran attraction but she left before...", "I don't understand", "I ran S3", "I NLP'd", "Does this really matter?" and the list goes on.
To me, Pick up is nothing more than targeted communication skills on all levels. You dress right, walk right, talk right, and present the 8 keys that most every woman desires. And with practice you will get the girl(s).
The problem I see with most new comers is that they get really caught up in all the details. They really get in their head about how long something should take. If they should go direct or indirect. Does it work on average girls or the super hot model type. Will it work on the girl they really want.
Hopefully I can help clear this up.
Get out of your head.
The only way to really find out is to go out and do it. You don't need a ton of books to make things even more confusing for you. Every school of thought out there is selling something different that will help your game "improve 150%" or is "guaranteed to get you the girl". The only guarantee you have is you. You are your own worst competition.
If you look back at your last interaction with a girl and are wondering why something didn't go correctly or she didn't respond the way you expected her to then you didn't do something correctly in a certain phase.
Say you have an HB that you met at club. You approached and opened her. The interaction was going well and you were asking what she was drinking. You said the drink sounded like a chemistry lab experiment, she laughed and you talked a bit more. Then all of a sudden she had go. You are left wondering what happened.
You never left the approach phase. Any transition you had went right back into another opener. You didn't move the conversation forward in order to lock into attraction.
Lets say your in attraction. You got this girl who's really into you. Your getting all kinds of IOI's and kino is going well. Then out of the blue she bails.
What went wrong?
You didn't start comfort with her. She's having a great time but sees what is happening is that your just a fun guy who provided her entertainment. She sees the other guy behind you who is going to give her what she wants. You spent too much time in attraction.
Let's say you were in comfort and ran qualification, she jumped through the hoops and flaked. Did you spend enough time in attraction? Or just go instantly to comfort? She probably didn't know why she was attracted to you if you blasted through attraction with afterburners.
So what about these boards.
Look at where you spent your time. Look at where you are at in the interaction with the girl. Don't get all in your head and start thinking "now I have to do this. That went okay. Now I have to start that." Forget all of that. The time for thinking is before and after you meet the girl. You do it during the meet and you will get all flustered and miss some great moments and opportunities.
Just know your phase cut offs. Know what each phase consists of and move the interaction forward. The only way to really notice these is go out and do it. Lots and lots of times.
Analyze after the interaction happens. Ask yourself what went right, what went wrong/could have been better.
You analyze too much before and you will freeze up in details or never get out there. Worst yet, never know where you went wrong.
Hope this helps some of you out there.
Really does help, but I really do appreciate any opinion I get from people on this forum. I won't go around posting every question I have, but I'm relatively new to picking up (well, with structure + C&F) and it always helps to have opinion from experienced PUAs.
Who knows, they might have lived the exact same situation.
Totally agree on this one. For me if I think of areas where I am successful in life and I analyze what it took me to be successful at them I find that most of that success is from experience. Success doesn't come from knowing every minor detail, that stuff comes later, and even down the line you are still trying to focus on the big things. Most things are sheer effort they only appear effortless because people usually have a passion for them. My biggest issue is I wish I had someone with me when I see that HB8/10 so my wing can say to me you have to go up and talk to her, you wont be late for this or that, she wont shut you down, she wont think your a weirdo for sitting next to her, she only looks busy she will talk for 5 min, etc. These are the times when it would be nice to have an experienced wing/mentor. I probably over analyze and read too much because I feel like it might make me more prepared but in actuality as you say I think it only causes me to overanalyze a situation once I am in one. I am not trying to make this post about me I am only trying to share my feelings for other new guys. To concluded I think it boils down to approach anxiety, for me when I give these excuses I am trying to protect my ego. Typically I don’t get really outwardly nervous unless I have analyzed the shit out of something and I have basically scripted in my head what I am going to say, that is when things are a serious problem. I think this is what you are getting at Knighted, you are essentially telling us to get out there and forget the script and just take the leap. I know quotes are kind of clichéd sometimes but I feel this one is appropriate. “Change for the most part is not a long processes it is preparing to change that takes the longest, once we have decided it’s time change happens almost instantaneously”
You got it CD.
Scripts help. But don't try to know all of them, just get the gist of them. Then jump in. Know where you want to go, don't get discouraged if you don't make it there. You may have to take a detour.
Know where you are at, look for the signs. Once you have arrived at your destination. Look back and see what could have been better.
For a wing. Try to find someone who is willing to learn with you, if you cant get a mentor in your area.
My son only has me when I'm at home. 3 days a month or so. So he found a guy who is willing to go through the learning curve with him. It's not perfect but better than nothing at all.
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