Discuss Is it OK to go to a bar alone, or does it look pathetic? at the Newbie Discussion Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Is it OK to go to a bar alone, or does it look pathetic?
Is it OK to go to a bar alone, or does it look pathetic?
OK if you've read my previous threads I'm not a huge fan of bars. However some people here have convinced me it's good for practice.
OK problem is I'm not a very social person, and the friends I do have are not into the bar scene at all and/or are total dorks in a bar and would actually hurt me rather than help me.
So my question is, is it sad looking or "pathetic" to go to a bar alone on a Friday or Saturday night? I'm in a major city so there's plenty to go around. I'm just tired of sitting around week after week and wanna go out and meet some people, but I'm kind of afraid and self conscience of what people would think of me.
Another problem is a couple of girls who I met, and didn't work out, sometimes hang in these bars and I'm afraid of bumping into them. Also people I work with...don't want them to see me either.
Would anyone notice if I was alone, or even care? Am I just paranoid? What do you think? Should I go by myself to a bar if I can't find anyone to go with?
You will not look pathetic if you go to the bar with good energy and start talking to people as soon as you enter.
If you grab a beer and go to a corner then yes, you'll look pathetic.
And if you bump into anyone you know just say "hey!" and if they ask you why you're alone just tell them that you decided to have some fun and meet some people.
If asked why you're alone always be sure to have a cool story like:
"I was out at another bar with a group of friends and we got separated. Then this really attractive girl asked me if I was lost and we struck up a convo. I told her I lost my friends and how did she know I was lost, she must be psychic blah blah blah. Next thing I know she starts drinking fast and heavy and getting really touchy feely with me, basically groping me in front of everyone. So I'm starting to get uncomfortable at this point and go out on the dance floor without her and start dancing around other women. Next thing I know she comes out on the dance floor looking for me then starts to talk smack to the group of girls I was dancing near. I guess she was jealous? So I get the hell outta there as fast as I could and head for the door. She sees me, chases me and starts yelling my name and asking me to come back. Lucky for me I'm well ahead of her and was able to duck into this little bar here to hide for awhile. Hopefully I've lost her for good. I'll tell ya, sometimes the hottest chicks are the craziest ones."
This way you give a "normal" vibe to anyone thinking it's weird for a guy to be alone at a bar. Just a suggestion.
You should read the stickies and (by popular demand) 'Classic Writings'; it's not that hard and saves everyone time.
Its alot easier if you have a few mates or even one wing, that said if you have / can build the confidence to be out on your own you can do well, you'll soon have a new social circle if you can open sets,
If people ask who your with your waiting for your mates to arrive from *most exclusive bar in town* they'll be there in a min or your waiting to meet them in *the most exclusive bar in town* to add a time constraint.
I've sarged both with wings and by myself and you know what? It's not that much different..In fact they are similiar in ways. I reccomend every person on this forum to at least try it a couple of times as the most insane things that have ever occurd to me happened when I solo-sarged.
So here are some quick tips...
1.) Befriend the first group/person/girl you see. This is important as it gives you a safety set to go back to whenever you need a moment to just let time pass by. Better yet, if they are with a group they'll be more then happy to introduce you to their friends and have you become part of whatever they're doing.
I've had this happen countless times where I've opened up a girl when I walk in and within mere minutes her entire group of peers are talking to me, buying me drinks, and some flirting with me as I'm listening to someone else talk. It's fun, makes you look like a star, and you become "that guy" everyone wants to be around. Fun, right?
2.) Do not drink in an excessive amount. Yes, I know...you're at a bar so it only makes sense. Well...the fact you're out alone who is to watch over or break the time you take to drink in order to talk to your friend/wing. Nothing says "lame" as that lonely drunk guy trying to hit on girls.
My 2 cents, only drink when offered one. Instead, drink water *WITH* a slice of lemon/lime so it looks like a gin and tonic. If someone asks why you're drinking water, tell them if you drink alcohol you begin to grow claws. Make it into something fun.
3.) Make sure you have another venue to hit up. Don't depend on just one bar to spend your night at if you're going solo...have fun and check out all the other one's in your area. Be surprised by what you may find.
I think you should be reading more topics in the Inner Game section, because it sounds like that's where your problems are, inside you. When I first started out I was in a similar situation as yourself: friends not into bars/clubs, not incredibly extroverted, don't drink, afraid to run into people you know.
You're going about this all wrong. First, if your friends aren't into going to these places then they'd be horrible wings and might do you more harm than good now. Next, and this is a big one, you not being social is the exact opposite of every aspect of what you should be doing. If you aren't social then you won't know how to act around women and people in general and others will take notice of that. The confidence you build here with women will bleed over into your everyday life and improve other areas, as well.
With the women you bombed with, forget them. If they see you talking to other women and you're enjoying it then they might what to know what they're missing out on. Enter jealousy...so grand!
Now with your coworkers, they might not be your "friends", but now they're your "bar friends"! This is a perfect safety net for you for when you approach a girl, blow it or need a break, and then regroup with the coworkers. Shows social proof and now you're not going to bars alone!
I always just say that my friends are finishing their cigarettes outside, and then start talking about something else, and that usually is it.
If your in a major city then im sure you could find some guys on this forum or another to go Sarging with. Worth looking into IMO
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