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Discuss Farmer's Direct Game Q&A at the Misc within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Thanks for the great answers, man! Here are a few more questions: 1. What should ...
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    Thanks for the great answers, man!


    Here are a few more questions:


    1. What should my "energy level" be like in Day Game? (And possibly Social Circle game too...)
    Magic Bullets notes that Day Game is slower and less high energy than night game. While that's helpful, I could use some more explanation. I have an annoying tendency to either be way too high energy (and come off as a grinning spaz) or way too low energy (and come off as too serious and stoic).


    2. Can you explain body language in Day Game in greater detail?
    You've already answered a question about body language, but I'm a little bit confused. As I said above, I'm having difficulty figuring out my overall "energy level" for Day Game. Partially this is because I don't really understand what sort of body language to use in Day Game and Social Circle game. For example, you noted that slow, deliberate movement was best; but I have a hard time expressing a cheerful, happy and positive vibe when I'm moving slowly. When I'm cheerful, I tend to want to make more movements and gestures, and some are rather quick. When I try to reel myself in, though, and move more slowly, make fewer gestures, and turn my head more lazily...I tend to stop smiling as much and generally put out a more serious vibe. Or, if I force myself to keep smiling, I think I put out a more "stoned" look than anything else...but maybe that's just in my head.

    Definitely annoying! I would love to learn and understand this better.


    3. How do you SOUND in Day Game / Direct Approach / Social Circle...any sort of slower game than Night?
    I have a very deep, resonant voice which I can project extremely well. I do have a tendency (like pretty much everyone else I speak with) to talk more quickly the more excited and happy I become. Again, as with my body language, if I slow down my speech, I start to become more serious overall and less fun. Oh, and I'm totally confused about how to implement pauses (although your last set of answers was helpful in this regard); oftentimes when I pause, I pair this with what sounds like I'm speaking too SLOWLY and too SERIOUSLY and frankly I think I sound like Horatio Cain from CSI Miami. Good God. I really need to work on this, but I'm not sure where to start. Any advice you can give here would be GREAT.

    4. Do you think you could put together a short Youtube video with a sample body language and voice demonstration? (Doesn't have to be in-field, of course. Standing there and speaking to the camera would be perfect enough.) It'd be so helpful to be able to see and hear how we are supposed to be doing things.

    5. Does disinterest have much use in Day Game / Direct Approach?
    Magic Bullets has a bit to say about this, but I could use some further clarification. When you directly approach a woman during the day, you are essentially showing your cards: "Hey, I like you, you're attractive". She knows you're attracted to her initially. But this is where I'm confused. If you strike up a decent conversation and move into the Attraction stage from there, how do you indicate that you're a challenge? Do you show any disinterest at all? Basically---how do you get her interested in YOU, how do you attract her beyond that initial spark of, "Wow, this guy is confident!" without her thinking that you are absolutely smitten with her?



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    Farmer is offline Apprentice Instructor
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    1. What should my "energy level" be like in Day Game? (And possibly Social Circle game too...)
    Magic Bullets notes that Day Game is slower and less high energy than night game. While that's helpful, I could use some more explanation. I have an annoying tendency to either be way too high energy (and come off as a grinning spaz) or way too low energy (and come off as too serious and stoic).
    Different guys have a different energy while daygaming. Some are upbeat and higher energy while others are lower energy and more relaxed. Try both and see what works for you. I am very relaxed and slower than in night game. But remember that they key is not to come across as trying to impress her with your high energy - ie. don't come across as being too nice or being too upbeat for the purpose of winning her over. Be upbeat if you're an upbeat person and calibrate it by not smiling all the time, and by being still and calm when she's talking.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    2. Can you explain body language in Day Game in greater detail?
    You've already answered a question about body language, but I'm a little bit confused. As I said above, I'm having difficulty figuring out my overall "energy level" for Day Game. Partially this is because I don't really understand what sort of body language to use in Day Game and Social Circle game. For example, you noted that slow, deliberate movement was best; but I have a hard time expressing a cheerful, happy and positive vibe when I'm moving slowly. When I'm cheerful, I tend to want to make more movements and gestures, and some are rather quick. When I try to reel myself in, though, and move more slowly, make fewer gestures, and turn my head more lazily...I tend to stop smiling as much and generally put out a more serious vibe. Or, if I force myself to keep smiling, I think I put out a more "stoned" look than anything else...but maybe that's just in my head.
    It is really hard to describe in writing. Your movements can be quicker, as long as they're not jerky and sporadic. You can slow your speech down a lot, but still say things with a positive tonality and with a smile. I think it is something you will need to keep practicing - slower speech, but with the mindset that you are happy and relaxed, rather than nervous energy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    3. How do you SOUND in Day Game / Direct Approach / Social Circle...any sort of slower game than Night?
    I have a very deep, resonant voice which I can project extremely well. I do have a tendency (like pretty much everyone else I speak with) to talk more quickly the more excited and happy I become. Again, as with my body language, if I slow down my speech, I start to become more serious overall and less fun. Oh, and I'm totally confused about how to implement pauses (although your last set of answers was helpful in this regard); oftentimes when I pause, I pair this with what sounds like I'm speaking too SLOWLY and too SERIOUSLY and frankly I think I sound like Horatio Cain from CSI Miami. Good God. I really need to work on this, but I'm not sure where to start. Any advice you can give here would be GREAT.
    You may think you're speaking too slowly, but everyone else won't. It's hard to give advice about this because I can't hear your voice. The problem with Horatio is that he speaks slowly, which is good, but he only ever says about 4 or 5 words for overly dramatic effect. He also only ever speaks in cliffhangers (yes, but where was he the night of the murder.......), and nothing else. His tonality and speech pattern is good, maybe a little to serious, but what he says is too dramatic.

    Use the vowels of words to slow things down, rather than pausing a lot. Elongate vowels a lot more at first and don't worry about pausing at first. This slows down your speech while not having unnecessary pausing. Once you're comfortable with this, you should intuitively know when to pause.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    4. Do you think you could put together a short Youtube video with a sample body language and voice demonstration? (Doesn't have to be in-field, of course. Standing there and speaking to the camera would be perfect enough.) It'd be so helpful to be able to see and hear how we are supposed to be doing things.
    I have plans for video, but not immediate ones. For now, I suggest going to the Love Systems Youtube Channel and looking at Soul's daygame videos - he has a couple on there with real life approaches. I learnt most of my speech patterns and body language in daygame from him, at least in the beginning.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    5. Does disinterest have much use in Day Game / Direct Approach?
    Magic Bullets has a bit to say about this, but I could use some further clarification. When you directly approach a woman during the day, you are essentially showing your cards: "Hey, I like you, you're attractive". She knows you're attracted to her initially. But this is where I'm confused. If you strike up a decent conversation and move into the Attraction stage from there, how do you indicate that you're a challenge? Do you show any disinterest at all? Basically---how do you get her interested in YOU, how do you attract her beyond that initial spark of, "Wow, this guy is confident!" without her thinking that you are absolutely smitten with her?
    You don't really need to focus on being a challenge in daygame. It's a little incongruent to be disqualifying yourself when you were so direct during the day. You can disqualify a lot in night game becuase it is a much more high energy environment and it is fun for her to work for your attention. But during daygame you can make her work for your attention by simple qualification. You will be focusing more on qualification and showing her your passions and interests in life, and not much more disinterest apart from very light teasing.

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    1. How do you normally open girls in coffee shops and other places where there are other people within earshot who might listen to you? I never feel comfortable going direct in these situations and I don't really have much of an indirect stack so I usually wuss out.

    2. Can you give a rough estimate of your success rate? Like if you approach 10 girls, how many numbers and dates will you typically get?

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    Thanks for the great answers about body language and voice!

    Love Systems ought to produce a Question/Answers book.....I'm pretty sure that I could supply you guys with 90% of the question material you need. Hahaha


    Here are some more!

    1. How do you recommend Qualifying her in Day Game with direct approaches, or in Social Circle game? And is there a difference? (Besides the cold/hot dynamic, Day Game and Social Circle game seem kind of similar in pace/tone.)
    In your last post, you advised "simple qualification" in the interaction (while making demonstrations of value by showing your own passions/interests). I'd really like to know how much qualification is necessary. Now, Magic Bullets does state that the Qualification stage blends into the future stages and continues all of the way through a relationship---which makes perfect sense! But, one of my issues is that I tend to linger around in the qualification stage for a LONG time and don't progress quickly enough to Comfort (although I do great in Comfort once I'm finally there). How can I best estimate how much qualifying I need to do before moving into Comfort?


    2. How much teasing is TOO MUCH?
    You mentioned "very light teasing" being the only kind of disqualification one should use in the Day and Social Circle. That makes sense to me. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to want to tease women mercilessly...especially ones whom I like a lot. Sometimes things seem to go well at first, particularly if she's the witty type who will reply with flirtatious teases and joking put-downs of her own. I've noticed, though, that if I stick around teasing TOO long, it's hard to get out of this goofy teasing frame and really tough to move to Comfort.

    In fact, I've teased some women (mostly in Social Circle game) before who seem to really love it at first---but then if I keep it up too long, they actually lose interest completely because (and I'm guessing here) they seem to assume that I just don't like them, even when it is 100% clear that I am joking with them (and they are not offended; I'm never offensive, I just poke fun). I guess it just gets tiresome after a while, and I can understand that.

    Let me give you an example of my kind of teasing so you have a better idea, and know that I'm not being offensive and totally crazy. There's this gorgeous blonde at work who flirts with me frequently, but she's quite a bit younger than me (I'm 23, she's 18) so she's kind of nervous around me. The other night she's joking with me while I'm working, and she's carrying some books around---and gets so nervous that she drops the books all over the place. So I chuckle, grin, and say, "You are so awkward and clumsy, jeeze! You're totally fired."

    That's my kind of teasing. I keep it light and silly, rather than mean-spirited. But, again, the problem here is that I just keep teasing so darn much that it seems like I "tease by default"--when I can't think of much else to say/do, I find something to tease about.

    So how much teasing is too much? A little bit of light teasing is good, I know; but when should I tone that stuff down and cut it out?


    3. How do you indicate growing interest, especially in situations in which there might've been a couple of initial mistakes made?
    I realise that normally interest should be shown and the girl should "win me over" once she's passed my qualifications. That makes sense. But let's take the Unstoppable Teasing scenarios above and say that I want to show an over-teased girl that I actually am interested in her. What's the best way to salvage a situation like that, in either Day Game or Social Circle game?

    For example, in Day Game, I might directly approach a woman and then tease too much (or do something else that makes her think I'm not all that interested in her after all). What's the best way to handle this?

    Or, in Social Circle game, if I meet back up with a woman I've over-teased or otherwise shown too much disinterest, what's the best way to let her know that I am interested in her without coming off as a weirdo?


    4. What do you do when a woman doesn't "pass" your qualification tests but for some illogical reason you still adore her anyway?
    This sounds silly, but I've actually run into this situation before. I have a list of "my perfect woman" traits that I use as spring boards for Qualification questions and topics. Yet sometimes I meet a girl who maybe only exhibits a couple of these traits---or almost none at all---and for some completely illogical reason, I'm attracted to her! Maybe it's purely her physical appearance, as shallow as that sounds; or maybe our interests are polar opposites but I love her positivity about life...and that's pretty much all we have in common. Or maybe it's as esoteric as just a general "vibe" I get from her and nothing I can easily pin down.

    What do you do in these sorts of situations? Should I still compliment her on whatever I do like about her, regardless of how shallow/simple it may be? What about those cases when all we have in common is that we find each other physically attractive---is it okay in that sort of situation to compliment her looks (this is usually not to be done, if I recall)?


    5. Is approaching unknown women on university campuses considered "cold approach" Day Game? (Assuming that they haven't been in any of your classes, of course.)
    I'd love to know some great strategies for meeting women on a university campus. I'm heading off for graduate study at Indiana University this August and frankly, I want to make up for lost time and start pursuing those lovely college girls.

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    SeanNicholas is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    most of my commute deals with trains/subways

    mainly i get a lot of ioi's on the platforms.

    should i make my move on the platform?

    should i follow her onto the train and try to start something up?

    any advice for subways/trains appreciated.

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    approaching in bars/daygame(anywhere)

    When I got to bars and clubs I usually go by myself and I find it very difficult to get women to respond to me unless I am really over the top and then It's like it's switch to decaf dude. Can You give some pointers on how to find the right energy level when approaching girls?

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    What age groups does direct work best for or does it matter/

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    SOCIAL CIRCLE EXPRESSING DIRECT INTEREST BY ISOLATING (logistical escalation)

    <<background info>>
    okay this will be a one 1-off !! social circle situation. So only get 1 chance to get this right
    (I wont see this social again because its a 1-off & not my established social circle).

    as I am about to enter into this new social circle and I know which girl I want.


    <<question>>
    question is how can isolate her???? how far would you and go??? how long would
    the group let you go before you have to come back???? would you seed??? should I grab her hand, and forcefully drag her away from the group regardless if she complies or not????
    and where would you take her?????


    okay let's say its 1 hour in and all 4 of us are playing pool
    what would you say to isolate?????

    okay let's say its 1 hour in and all 4 of us are bowling
    what would you say to isolate?????


    <<example>> (while playing pool)
    M: hey guys me and Ana are going to go for a walk we'll be back in 1 hour
    is that okay with everyone.

    -OR-

    M: hey guys me and Ana are going to take some pictures around the mall
    i don't really know when we'll be back.

    -OR-

    M: hey guys Ana is gonna help me lose my virginity, does anyone have a problem with that??


    P.S. are you the legendary famous farmer from stylelife academy?? curious...

  9. #19
    Farmer is offline Apprentice Instructor
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    Quote Originally Posted by vibe3 View Post
    1. How do you normally open girls in coffee shops and other places where there are other people within earshot who might listen to you?
    The awkwardness doesn't arise from people hearing, you should definitely go direct even if peope can hear. These are situations where if you went direct and she wasn't particularly responsive, it would be awkward for her to stay in the cafe for another half hour. So I always approach a girl in a cafe when she is leaving, or when I am leaving. It relieves the pressure. This is one exception to the 3 second rule - it's ok to wait a while until either one of you leaves.

    Quote Originally Posted by vibe3 View Post
    2. Can you give a rough estimate of your success rate? Like if you approach 10 girls, how many numbers and dates will you typically get?
    I don't keep track of this anymore, but I can guess for you. Here in Marrakech it's not many at all, unless it's through social circle, as it's culturally different, which is a topic for another post. In somewhere like Stockholm it was higher, maybe 1 or 2 dates. In London, bad days and good days. One week I had 5 dates in one week from one day of approaching. But I always make sure that the actual interaction is fun and interesting, whether I get a date or not. If I approach 100 super hot girls and only one of them goes on a date with me and ends up as my girlfriend, I'm happy. I think Keychain once told me that 2 numbers from 10 is a good success rate. But I'm also incredibly picky about what kind of girl I date now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    1. How do you recommend Qualifying her in Day Game with direct approaches, or in Social Circle game? And is there a difference?

    I'd really like to know how much qualification is necessary.

    How can I best estimate how much qualifying I need to do before moving into Comfort?
    Qualify exactly the same as whenever you qualify a girl. Make sure you know what you're looking or in a girl and get her to tell you if she is those things. Lead into it with a good value statement about yourself, and then ask a qualifying question. The example I gave above of an interesting snippet of conversation contains the question "do you like travelling" = qualification.

    Qualify her on two or three things, then escalate by asking for her phone number or an instant date. If she agrees to either of those, you've done enough qualification and you can move to comfort. If not, cycle back to attraction/qualification and build more rapport.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    2. How much teasing is TOO MUCH?[...] I've noticed, though, that if I stick around teasing TOO long, it's hard to get out of this goofy teasing frame and really tough to move to Comfort.

    [...]

    if I keep it up too long, they actually lose interest completely because[...] I guess it just gets tiresome after a while, and I can understand that.
    You answered your own question and I've put it in bold. Girls love teasing, and it is an attractive trait, but overtease and they get bored quickly - they expect you to keep moving forward and want you to guide them through different emotions (namely: attraction, qualification, comfort, seduction). When you don't move forward, they give up because the same emotion all the time is boring. In your social circle situation, keep teasing her, but also qualify her and talk to her normally too, guide her through different emotions. In daygame, a small tease to get her laughing is all you really need.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    3. How do you indicate growing interest, especially in situations in which there might've been a couple of initial mistakes made?

    For example, in Day Game, I might directly approach a woman and then tease too much (or do something else that makes her think I'm not all that interested in her after all). What's the best way to handle this?
    Just correct course and escalate by moving into qualification. Teasing is Attraction, don't stay in the same phase all the time, it is boring.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    Or, in Social Circle game, if I meet back up with a woman I've over-teased or otherwise shown too much disinterest, what's the best way to let her know that I am interested in her without coming off as a weirdo?
    A little different, as you'll be seeing her every day, so you can spend more time on showing her your different sides. Qualification is also attractive because it shows you have standards, so again, move up and start qualifying. In fact, whenever you feel stuck, just ask her a qualifying question.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    4. What do you do when a woman doesn't "pass" your qualification tests but for some illogical reason you still adore her anyway?

    [...]

    or maybe our interests are polar opposites but I love her positivity about life...and that's pretty much all we have in common.
    A lot rapport building in daygame and social circle isn't about sharing common interests. It's about relating to the same emotions. You like public speaking but she likes dancing = you both like the adrenaline rush of performance and they way it makes you feel. Relate to the underlying emotion of what's she's saying. You probably like her because you both share common emotions about two different things.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    Should I still compliment her on whatever I do like about her, regardless of how shallow/simple it may be?
    If you only like her looks, fine, but ask yourself whether it's going to be a fun and rewarding relationship if you can't find things to talk about. Sure, compliment her on her looks again, but girls get bored when they know that all you like is her physicality. You need a range of compliments on her personality too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    5. Is approaching unknown women on university campuses considered "cold approach" Day Game? (Assuming that they haven't been in any of your classes, of course.)
    I'd love to know some great strategies for meeting women on a university campus. I'm heading off for graduate study at Indiana University this August and frankly, I want to make up for lost time and start pursuing those lovely college girls.
    I left university a while ago, read Dubbsy's Q&A on College Game in the under 21 forum - it's gold. But yes, it is similar to direct daygame.

    Lastly, for you, SensualSorcery, it's obvious that you're an academic as you ask good and detailed questions. Don't make the mistake of just collecting as much information as possible before acting on it. Get out there and approach a tonne of girls and see which things work for you. I was the same, but the results I got were through failing a lot and failing fast. I believe in you man!

    Quote Originally Posted by SeanNicholas View Post
    most of my commute deals with trains/subways

    mainly i get a lot of ioi's on the platforms.

    should i make my move on the platform?

    should i follow her onto the train and try to start something up?

    any advice for subways/trains appreciated.
    If it's the train you need, then get on the same train and try to subtley get next to her and start a conversation. If it's obvious that you are trying to get close to her by walking the entire length of the carriage then you'll have to go direct (because it's weird to walk up to her and go indirect if there are 50 other peope on the train you could ask) and you might experience some social pressure if people can hear. If you can get proximity without her noticing, then (and this is against the main idea of this thread, but this could count as an exception) go situational and ask her what she's listening to, or what she's reading, or comment on how busy commuting is these days - and try to transition off that into an interesting conversation. She'll know you're trying to chat her up, but she'll be thankful for relieving some of the social pressure.

    Summary = if you can't get proximity to her, go direct by walking up to her, or go direct when she gets off the train. If you are next to her already, go situational.

    Quote Originally Posted by Prefamous View Post
    When I got to bars and clubs I usually go by myself and I find it very difficult to get women to respond to me unless I am really over the top and then It's like it's switch to decaf dude. Can You give some pointers on how to find the right energy level when approaching girls?
    You need to be having fun while doing this. If it's not fun, then you need to find a way to make it fun. Get a wingman, this forum is a great place to find one. Warm up by just being social and asking people what the time is etc to get used to talking to strangers. Listen to some upbeat music before you go out. You need to change your emotions first. But the thing with Direct Game is that you don't need to have high energy because you're not trying to entertain her like in Indirect. Sure, you might want to run some attraction routines, but mostly the energy comes from you expressing your desire for her, not from trying to entertain her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Artman View Post
    What age groups does direct work best for or does it matter/
    This doesn't matter too much. Younger girls (18 or 19) might not have had much experience with men, so they might be more nervous with your direct approach and not know what to do or how to flirt with you. Don't take this as a sign of disinterest, just normalise the conversation a little and start to qualify asap. But I find that age hasn't made much of a difference.

    Quote Originally Posted by jzlaguna View Post
    SOCIAL CIRCLE EXPRESSING DIRECT INTEREST BY ISOLATING (logistical escalation)

    question is how can isolate her????


    okay let's say its 1 hour in and all 4 of us are playing pool
    what would you say to isolate?????

    okay let's say its 1 hour in and all 4 of us are bowling
    what would you say to isolate?????


    <<example>> (while playing pool)
    M: hey guys me and Ana are going to go for a walk we'll be back in 1 hour
    is that okay with everyone.

    -OR-

    M: hey guys me and Ana are going to take some pictures around the mall
    i don't really know when we'll be back.
    In this situation, unless you two have insane attraction for each other, and the group know this, then it might be ok to take her away for such a long time and so far away from the group. But remember - you are out with everyone else having a good time, it would be strange to leave everyone and go off with a girl you just met; she might feel awkward in front of her friends.

    So personally I wouldn't isloate so hard, and definitely don't just take her hand and expect her to follow. This kind of dominance is ok for a night club, but not in a low key social circle setting.

    Isloation is more about getting to know each other 1on1 - you don't need a huge physical divide between you and the group. Just bantering with her on your own a few metres away, or playing pool with her as your partner are great ways to mini isolate without creating an awkward situation. Attraction is also built up by how you interact with the group - she sees you as a social guy. Isolating her by taking her away for a walk shows her you don't have much social awareness, which could kill all her attraction for you.

    Laslty, isolating like this doesn't really convey direct interest. She should always already be attracted to you before you attempt to isolate, otherwise she won't be compliant.

    Quote Originally Posted by jzlaguna View Post
    P.S. are you the legendary famous farmer from stylelife academy?? curious...
    No we just happen to have the same name and are both equally awesome.

    -F

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    1. Do you ever go for rapid escalation during the day? And if so, what do you look for to let you know you'll be able to do it? Would you recommend for people to try it...I've been thinking about it lately just to force myself more outside my comfort zone which might help me improve, but its really scary!

    2. Do you ever use canned attraction routines after your opener? Or do you just naturally transition to a conversation? If you use routines, could you give some examples?

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