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Farmer's Direct Game Q&A

Discuss Farmer's Direct Game Q&A at the Misc within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery Quick topic this time: Is it a good or bad ...

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  1. #121
    Farmer is offline Apprentice Instructor
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    Quick topic this time:

    Is it a good or bad idea to make comments to a girl along the lines of, "You like me", "You're so nervous around me, it's cute", "You're really attracted to me", "You can't stop thinking about me", etc.?

    For a playful example, after a tease...
    Girl: "You're so mean!"
    Guy: "Oh definitely, but you like me this way!"

    Are comments like these fine to say either jokingly or seriously? Or are they best avoided altogether?

    I've heard different views on this over the past few months; some say that mentioning how stating/implying that she's really attracted to you will make her like you LESS, while others say the opposite. What do you think? Do you ever use teases/half-serious comments like these? (Maybe not in the initial meeting, but later on too.)
    Yeah I use these quite a bit, but only when the moment comes up. I don't go out of my way to look for opportunities to say these things. I actually said something like this last night to an English girl who is travelling here:

    Her: Oh my god you're so posh!
    Me: I know, and you're so common, you love it!

    She laughed, because she was already attracted and we were vibing like this for a while, just teasing back and forth. She wasn't really common and I wasn't trying to neg her or anything, I was just putting up a silly contrast for comic effect. Also, it is attractive because it shows you are confident enough in yourself not to get defensive when people say these kinds of things.


    Quote Originally Posted by Poder View Post
    How do you keep the girl grounded after the opener? This is what happened to me today:

    Me: (Approaching from behind) Excuse me, you are absolutely adorable and I just had to meet you. My name is Poder. What is your name?
    Girl: That is really sweet. My name is Girl.
    Me: So what are you up to today?
    Girl: I am meeting a friend for dinner. That was a nice compliment, take care (Girl walks away).
    It's really hard to give any advice on this without seeing you in action. What you're saying is absolutely fine, so it is probably your sub-communications and body language if it keeps happening. It happens to me still, some girls will just walk away, but if it is a regular thing then look at your body language and tonality etc. Make sure you are rooted to the spot, ie. not following her while talking, and that you offered your hand to shake.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poder View Post

    How would you approach a mother and daughter set, if you were interested in the daughter?
    "I just saw you two walking past and I had to meet you. I think you're friend here is absolutely gorgeous." etc, then she'll say she's her mum, you can act shocked etc and then build rapport and attraction to both of them. Make sure you win her mum over first.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poder View Post

    How would you approach a mixed set, whether they be walking in the street or sitting in a mall cafeteria eating lunch?
    I wouldn't. I don't approach mixed sets in the daytime. Some others do, I don't. It is very highly likely to be her boyfriend during the day, so my time is better spent talking to other girls. If it is a larger mixed set, then I possibly would if she was worth it. Super direct is my preferred method, "Excuse me, are any of these guys you're boyfriend?" "No" "Great, I had to come and meet you, I think you're absolutely gorgeous" etc...

    Obviously if she says yes politely excuse yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poder View Post

    How would you use a direct opener when you are riding on a bus/train and see a girl you want to talk to? For one scenario, assume that the bus/train is crowded and you are sitting right next to her. For the other scenario, assume the bus/train doesn't have that many people on it .
    I answered this earlier on in this thread. If you look down the other posts you should find it.

    Quote Originally Posted by blinds View Post
    Ive heard that throwing out a large qualifier and her putting any decent effort in answering it, signals that you're into comfort, which i guess is ideally the stage that i want to be before getting a number.

    How would you set up a hard qualifier, something like tell me something cool about yourself?

    I'm not sure what you're getting at here. You would only ask a qualifier like this if you were very sure she was very attracted to you, otherwise this won't get a very good answer at all. It is true that if she puts effort into answering it then you can be pretty sure of attraction, and so you can escalate, but just throwing this out at the wrong time isn't going to do anything magical. You need to have walked her through some easier qualifiers first.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fhenrir View Post
    As a French aristocrat I can say even for me it doesn't work in general just go for the classic hand shake, the mere fact of kissing her (anywhere) might just work as a state break in the first minutes, but oh well give it a try, you learn stuff by trying
    Haha!

    Quote Originally Posted by blinds View Post
    cant seem to find the edit button, but i was just watching Rsd's Flawless natural, and he uses what he calls 'pounding of passion' which is basically in the middle of a conversation, that isnt really going anywhere, he says something along the lines of 'wait wait wait' and then fires out 5 random questions... like whats your favourite colour, have you ever been fired, dogs or cats, that kind of thing.

    He does it in a breaking rapport fashion and i guess that serves as a way to spike the energy and her 'buying temperature'. Whats your take on using this for day game? esp as a way of qualifying?

    Also on an unrelated note, do you know when the interview with vercetti on tonality comes out?
    No don't use ths in daytime. How is this qualifying her? Is the fact that Blue is her favourite colour really matter that much, and is it really a high value quality that you look for in women? Don't high energy stuff like this during the day. At night this could be fun, but not in the daytime.

    Plus, if the conversation is not going anywhere, this is not breaking rapport, as there is no rapport to break. Concentrate on having interesting conversations rather than relying on random routines to throw out at random.



  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    Hey there! I have a few more questions for you before you wrap up this awesome thread. After our phone conversation today, I felt fantastic so I went out and did some approaches which went really well.
    Awesome...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    1. Being nonreactive

    We talked briefly about this over the phone, and you noted that being nonreactive was very important.

    A: Should I be nonreactive only to responses/actions/whatever that I do NOT like? Or should I be generally nonreactive any time that I am not specifically complimenting a girl?
    To reactions and responses that don't progress the interaction in the direction you want it to go.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    B: How exactly do you go about being "nonreactive"? Can you describe how it looks/feels?
    It is NOT about keeping a poker face and staring at her blankly. It isn't really non-reactive in the true sense, rather being reactive in an attractive way. Mr M has a great post about Attractive Reactiveness in his classic writings section.

    It is about keeping composure, not being phased by things people say, keeping your integrity in the face of people who might disagree with you etc. Being true to yourself and not answering questions that you don't want to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    C: Let's say that a woman you know at least somewhat (as opposed to in a first meeting), either through Social Circle or perhaps even the one you're dating, acts moody, unhappy, bored, disinterested, angry, or whatever. How do you be nonreactive in this situation? Or...should you be nonreactive in the first place (for example, if the cause doesn't appear to be YOU, and she's just tired or having a bad day, do you try to do anything to make her feel better, or just ignore her mood)?
    Being non-reactive is great in the initial meeting, but if this is a girl you have known for longer and she is moody etc, then acknowledge it, be a friend, ask her what's wrong, be NORMAL. If it's nothing to do with you, cool, she's having a bad day. Don't emotionally overreach and do loads of nice things for her, just be a normal, cool guy. Remember what I said on the phone about most of the time this is about not being weird and about being a socially calibrated guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    2. Finding attractive, single women

    The major benefit to Day Game is that we have the possibility to meet attractive women anytime, anywhere.

    Unfortunately, there are two problems, for me at least.

    One is that nearly all of the attractive women I meet during the day say that they already have boyfriends. This is likely true; down here where I live, many young women meet their long-term boyfriends in high school and continue dating the same guy into their early 20s in a lot of cases. Plus, as you've said earlier in this thread, when a woman says that she has a boyfriend during the day...she very likely does.

    I know I've asked you something similar before, but just to be solid on this: if I approach a woman during the day, and she says that she has a boyfriend, my best course of action is to find someone else, BUT be sure to wrap up the conversation politely and confidently. How do you go about doing this? When a woman during the day (or...hey, in your social circle too, while we're at it) says, "Oh, but I have a boyfriend", "Sorry, but I'm dating someone right now", or something similar---what is your immediate response, and how do you transition away from this?
    If this is a complete stranger you have just approached, then I might say "Cool, and how long have you two been about to break up?" which usually gets a laugh and then she either reiterates that they are together, or launches into the fact that actually they are on rocky ground. If the latter then I might pursue, if the former then I'm not into breaking up happy relationships.

    Just say "Ok that's cool, I enjoyed meeting you anyway, have a nice day" and walk away.

    You should not be getting this response in social circle situations. If you are, you are escalating, either physically or logistically (asking her out on a date), before she has given signs she is attracted to you. In your social circle, you only escalate when she starts showing signs of interest in you, ie. she shows up 'randomly' to events that you are going to, she invites you out to stuff, she initiates flirty conversation etc. Watch Braddock's College Game on You Tube, it will help you with fundamentals of social circle.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    The second problem I'm having is that while I do have the opportunity to meet attractive women---and hopefully meet one that is single!---I spend an awful lot of time going to and fro and seeing absolutely no women who spark my interest. No offense to any of the wonderful ladies down here, but many are just not the sort that I find attractive (I'm really into classy, stylish, cheerful women about my age---especially any with long, red hair and green eyes! ). For the time being, I'm in a small-ish area...I'm not sure where most of the "Wow!" girls are hiding.

    So---with all that in mind---what are some of the best kinds of locations you've found to meet attractive, single women? (Especially those who you decided could be potential long-term girlfriends!)
    I live in London, so there were loads of girls walking around every day who were complete strangers who I could practice having conversations with, with no social circle repercussions.

    If you are in a small town/college setting where approaching hundereds of girls will give you a reputation, or where you don't see that many girls you find attractive, there's nothing else you can do but to go to another town/city nearby and practice there.

    Other than that, if you enjoy arty girls join a life drawing class/visit museums and galleries/ etc. Ie. grow your social circle in the settings where you will find girls you are attracted to. There are attractive girls in every type of social circle.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    3. Stupid hand games

    I told you about my retarded, brain-turned-off experiment with the "oh wow, let's see how long your fingers are compared to mine!" thing... Which went okay-ish, I guess, until the second girl pointed out, and rightly so, that the whole thing was, quote, "weird".

    I still have no idea what I was thinking when I started that (...I wasn't). Or even what I was imagining that would accomplish. It just seemed a good idea at the time, and I DID want to see how long her fingers were out of pure curiosity. But that's so darn bizarre; don't think I'll be doing that again. Like, ever.
    Man chill out! I told you over the phone - this really was nothing weird. It's a great way to start touching her, as long as you say something while you're doing it to explain the reason, it should be fine. Ie. "Wow you're fingers are longer than mine, I thought I had the longest fingers in the world, I'm in the guiness book of world records, you must be cheating!" etc. There are loads of routines in the routines manuals about hands and fingers to initiate touching, read through those.

    But yeah, chill out, this wasn't bad at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    Yeaaaah...so, as far as fun, silly games (routines?) go for social circle, day game, and even direct approaches anywhere, what are your favourites? Do you have any suggestions which I could try out? (I have the two Routine Manuals too, so I can check page numbers if you know of any specifically that are in those books, as well.) You know, the kind that actually WORK as opposed to making girls think that I'm incredibly strange, like above! Any that spark a little bit of physical touching would be absolutely perfect, because that would essentially let me practice physical escalation at the same time!

    Another thing would be the kinds of playful, silly behaviour/touching that you talked about on the phone in regards to FUN social circle situations. (For example, with the girl you advised that I be flirty, fun, and lightly physical with without going too far---enough so that she doesn't keep me "friend zoned" yet not so much that it seems like I'm stealing her from her boyfriend.) What kinds of moves, touches, games, and so on would you recommend specifically? I should've asked this when we were chatting, but I guess it slipped my mind.
    All of the routines in the two manuals 'work' - word for word they are what we Instructors say. If you are really having trouble starting physcial contact, then try some of those routines out - but I wouldn't suggest trying them in your social circle until you can do them well. Go out and practice them on strangers in bars and clubs first to calibrate yourself.

    Also, no need whatsoever for any of those games during daytime dating. The highest level you're getting to is social touch anyway, so nothing playful, just an occasional tap on the forearm to make a point, and shake of the hand.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    4. Silence!

    Let's say that I'm off doing a "social circle" activity, maybe with a group of friends, or maybe I've just met a girl through social circle activities and we're alone together for a bit.

    Or, let's say that I'm on a date.

    For some reason---maybe we just have nothing to say at the moment, maybe we're lost in thought, maybe we just don't know WHAT to say---there may come a few moments of silence...or a few minutes...or a lot of minutes...while we're focused on doing whatever else.

    Is that silence okay? If silence should be avoided at all costs, does this go back to what you were saying to me on the phone about not needing to make "logical" connections between things in conversation with a girl, and should I simply bring up anything that comes to my mind to break the silence? Do you have any specific tips about silence?
    Don't be afraid of silences. If you are actually doing an activity then it's fine to concentrate on that for a bit. Don't feel that you have to do all the work all of the time - it's also her job to be interesting and hold your attention. So when silences arise, make sure they are because of your boredom/because you are doing the activity, rather than you running out of things to say in reply to her interesting conversation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery View Post
    5. Body language

    On the phone, you commented that my voice, tonality, and speaking speed were good (thanks!). Your tips on body language were helpful too, but of course we couldn't see each other to judge specifics on body language. Maybe Love Systems needs to start video consultations...! Hey! There's an idea for you guys! (I demand 90% of the profits for, uh, coming up with this idea, you know.)

    Until I can take the Day Game Workshop, do you know of any great resources, videos, forum threads, ANYTHING that I could check out for body language, so I can self-practice and self-judge? I don't think my body language is terrible, but I'm sure there are things I could do better. Hey, I just had to catch myself to stop slouching in my office chair right now.

    How did you improve your own body language when you were learning how to become a super-suave James Bond?
    I'm a trained ballroom dancer so I got most of my body language from that. I can't recommend taking dance classes highly enough - as well as improving your body language and posture, it teaches you to dance and every girl likes a guy who can dance. It is usually a very good indicator of how someone is in bed.

    Apart from that, watch movies that have actors/characters who display masculinity - Streetcar Named Desire, James Bond movies, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, etc. Watch the videos on the Love Systems Youtube channel to see how instructors stand/talk/walk. Things like Cajun on Keys to the VIP etc.

    One great tip to get instant good body language = put you back against a wall and bend your knees so that your thighs are right angles to the wall. Push your shoulders back against the wall so they touch it, then slide up the wall so that you are eventually standing up straight. This is the posture you want to have.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensual Sorcery;731374
    [B
    6. Turning things sexual[/B]

    I noticed that there is an audio interview, "Turning Things Sexual". I'll likely buy it soon, because it appears to cover how to avoid the Friend Zone, which is what I need to do! I'd like to know how you keep a sexual edge going without overdoing it---either in social circle or day game. How do you do it, and do you have some more good tips on this?
    Read Cajun's articles on Body Language in his classic writings section.

    Be absolutely comfortable with your sexuality and accept as a fact that it is okay to want, desire and to sleep with women. When you look at women, look at them in a way that communicates that, as a man, you know very well that you could throw her against the wall and take her right there. This is perfect for social circle and day game, as it communicates that you are a sexual being, without needing to verbalise it which would be strange in those settings.

    -F

  3. #123
    Farmer is offline Apprentice Instructor
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    Ok guys, that's it, I'm wrapping up this thread now.

    Great questions all round, thanks for your participation!

    If you need any further help then take a look at the schedule of bootcamps and workshops on the Love Systems website. Personally I'm available for 1-on-1 training in London, and Phone Consultations from anywhere.

    I'll also be Instructing every step of the way in this year's Project Rockstar, so follow along with that, it is sure to be filled with adventures and advice.

    Josh Farmer

  4. 05-24-2010, 07:46 AM

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  5. 05-24-2010, 10:09 AM

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  6. #124
    Farmer is offline Apprentice Instructor
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    Daygame and Direct Game - My Free Q&A available to download

    Hi guys,

    Many of you may remember the Q&A I conducted a while back on daygame and direct game (during the day and during the night). So many of you asked questions that it ran to about 140 posts over 13 pages

    I gave out a lot of great advice and it took a lot of my time, so I've had it reformatted into a downloadable PDF, and it is now free to download.

    You can find it here:

    http://www.lovesystems.com/farmer-q-a

    Enjoy

    -F

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