My review of
Fader's Seattle
Bootcamp Jan 30-Feb 02 2009
Yeah, I know. This is a long, and late, review. I chose to write the kind of review I would want to read if I was serious about finding the instructor that is right for me. Yet I remember that brevity is the
soul of wit, because I also don't like long-winded blathering unless it is something I'm seriously interested in.
So I present to you, the impatient reader, my summary review of
Fader's
bootcamp, with the blathery bits after.
Summary Review:
Fader knows
inner game, and brings a lot of quality, meaty
inner game concepts to his teaching as he sees
inner game as the foundation of game.
He's not a militaristic, confrontational instructor, though I'm sure he can bring that if he sees the need. Instead, he comes along side as a friend to guide and equip his students to increase their mastery of game.
Fader showed serious dedication to his students, even staying up until 4:00am answering questions on the first night of the
bootcamp.
The
bootcamp training was the most valuable part of the experience to me. The in-field work was also valuable, though not quite as much as I would have liked. Much of this, however, is more because I took off on my own in the club, and
Fader didn't have as many opportunities to review my in-field work. If I had it to do over again, I would make sure I was within line-of-sight of my instructor when in field.
Fader said at the beginning that he saw us all as friends, and he followed through with that, both during the
bootcamp and after. He continues to follow up with me and check on my progress, and makes himself available to answer questions and to be an encourager and guide to my progress.
As to the cost, I consider a
bootcamp experience to be an expensive investment in game, meant for those who are truly serious about advancing their game. Only the student can say if the high cost of a
bootcamp is worth the cost -- it was for me, but honestly, only just.
Fader made the
bootcamp a very powerful experience that really advanced my in-field and in-person game. And I feel I gained friends, not just in
Fader, but in my fellow students as well.
In Depth Review:
First, I should introduce myself.
Hi, my name is Roy, and I am a recovering keyboard jockey.
"Hi Roy."
I've studied game for years. Almost ten years if I count correctly. But in all that time, I've rarely done in-person approaches. Most of my approaches have been in the online world. As my New Year's resolution, I resolved that this would be the year to work on in-person game. So, when
Love Systems hosted a
bootcamp in Seattle in January, there was no question: I had to go.
This
bootcamp was led by
Fader, of which
Savoy said, "I will never try to drink that man under the table." I vaguely remembered
Fader being mentioned in the
LSI newsletters, so I went up on the attraction forums to check out his posts and get a feel for who he is.
Two things I noticed immediately: 1) He's from New York. 2) And he hates the cold. Let's follow this logic carefully. He is coming from one of the largest cities in North America to an oversized small town in Washington State. And he's doing it in the dead of Winter.
Brilliant.
Just to make sure he would feel all warm and cozy inside, we had a snow storm a few days before his arrival.
I've been to many
seminars before, so I thought we would have a small
seminar room with a cheap podium on a folding table, a white board on a stand, white table cloths, stacking chairs, and plastic pitchers filled with ice water.
Not
Fader's style.
He wanted his
bootcamp to feel like a group of good friends that gathered to hang out together. And it was done to good effect. I didn't fall into my usual
seminar "information gathering" mode. Instead, I was engaged on a more personal level with what was being taught. I still took dozens of pages of notes, but I felt more connected to the material, to my fellow students, and to our teacher.
Prior to the
seminar,
Fader emailed a packet of information to us. It had the usual -- rough outline, logistics, overview of the emotional progression model. But it also had some more unique material, too. A collection of banter lines, qualifier material,
sticking points exercises, and especially several of
Fader's and other instructor's more powerful articles. And he asked us to read his "Are you a victim" article before he arrived. That article is still impacting me to this day.
Five of us gathered, all eager to learn. We started off by giving our score (age, age at loss of virginity, number of sexual partners), then he asked us for our goal.
I knew this
seminar wasn't going to be magic. In truth, my goal was measured more in term of "six months from now, I will be at X level." So, just to pick something measurable, I told him, "To consistently get to the hook point." I'd done some in-person gaming, and that seemed to be the place where things fell apart. I could open, then ... uh ... run another opener, but ... then ... I kept running ... out ... of things ... to ... um ... say.
Fader knew I wouldn't have this sticking point for long, so he pressed me for another goal.
I really didn't know how to phrase it, so I just blathered out another, deeper goal. "I get along really well with children and dogs," I said. "I know how to approach them in a way that they're happy to be with me and happy to have fun with me. I want to do the same with women I find attractive." That was sufficient, so we moved on.
Fader is the man when it comes to
inner game, so that's where we started. It is the foundation of true game. And he had some very powerful and important things to say in that arena. "Don't accept second class behavior from yourself." "The true self is always coming through." "Be the CEO of your own life -- fire your friends if they bring you down."
Then we went to openers. He had a lot of of inner-game things to say about openers, too. "If you don't take one on the jaw once in a while, you're not trying hard enough." Good point. "Live outside your comfort zone." "Don't leave when you run out of things to say."
He said we would work on "small chunking" for our first night out. His in-field goal was for us to open. Anything else was bonus. Then he had us select an opener to use that night.
In my reading of
Fader's early posts, I found an opener he used that I really liked. "Is attraction a choice?"
Fader had me follow it with a bit more. "My friend Sara keeps falling for the same kinds of guys ... blah, blah, blah, what do you think?" My opener selected, we were ready for our first night in-field.
We went into the club a bit before 10:00pm, so the place wasn't hopping yet. Every one but me got a drink (I don't like alcohol), and we had our first few minutes of conversation. Then
Fader knew it was show time.
I've seen "The Pickup Artist," and watched a few in-field videos of actual pickups. Yet I could tell that those videos were either edited to pieces or so poorly shot that I couldn't tell what was going on. This was going to be my first experience to see, with my own eyes, a Master Pickup Artist perform pickup.
He told us to pick a set and he would open them. The venue had a large square bar about 25 feet on a side. We picked a two-set on the far side of the bar for
Fader to show us his stuff. As he went toward them,
Fader walked past me and said, "I don't think this is going to work."
He opened, transitioned, and hooked. It all happened so fast! As they engaged him in conversation, he rewarded their compliance with favorable body language. He was touching them constantly. He had them almost falling out of their chairs laughing. Not only did it work, it worked very well.
Yet because he was across the bar, I couldn't hear him. And I couldn't hear the women. There's only so much I'm going to learn when I can't hear. But he proved that game is real. It works. And it's something I can learn.
Now it's our turn.
I'm convinced I have no more approach anxiety than the average guy. Which is to say I've got a lot of it, but it's not impossible to overcome. Still, it didn't disappoint me that
Fader picked out a few others in the group to do their openers before he picked me.
Then
Fader picked out two women who were about a 7 and a 5 and said, "Okay, open them."
Waiting just makes it worse, so I leapt in. I walked up to the bar beside the 7, turned to my head to the side and said, "Hey guys!"
No sooner did I get out my opener than the 7 laughed an "I know you're using
PUA techniques on me" laugh. She must have seen "The Pickup Artist" or something, but she played along, and I kept plowing through, despite her occasional "you're busted" laugh.
Before long,
Fader sent one of the other students in to wing me, so I had the 7 all to myself. The set was going okay, yet I quickly fell into old habits, asking "what do you do for a living," and other
AFC questions.
A few moments later her male friend arrived, so I jumped back in state and said, "Introduce me to your friend. It's the polite thing to do." I chatted with him for a bit, then tried to transition the conversation back to the 7, ... then ... I ran ... out of ... things ... to ... um ... say ...
And I ejected.
"Forgive me
Fader, for I have sinned. I didn't stay in set when I ran out of things to say."
Fader isn't the type to admonish harshly on a first opener, but he did remind me that staying in set is the way to get better.
Then
Fader noticed something I didn't. 8-10 community guys descended on the venue. They were winging, doing the thumb-wrestling routine, and more.
Fader has seen some really negative things happen when other PUAs interfere with a
bootcamp, so he had us eject from that venue and go in search of another one. Unfortunately, we didn't find a good venue for pickup (either waaaaay tooooo looouuud or they were dead), and I didn't take or make an opportunity to open again. I'm still kinda disappointed in myself for that.
However, we weren't done with
Fader just yet. He had bragged about his ability to pick up strippers all day. And we wanted to see that for ourselves.
Once again,
Fader wasn't sure it was going to work. Washington State doesn't serve alcohol in strip clubs, so he couldn't use his usual, "I'm waiting for my friends" frame for his reason to be there. And it was the end of the month which is the worst time of the month to pick up in a strip club. But, it's what his students wanted to see, so off we went.
I've been to and been a photographer at burlesque shows before. But I had never been to a strip club. And this wasn't burlesque. No pasties. Full nudity. And *damn* those women could dance seductively. I'd never seen anything like it before. I knew better than to try to game there. I was not in the right state -- the girl would game circles around me. So I sat and casually watched the master at work.
He called a girl over and started running banter lines on her. Unfortunately,
Fader is legally blind without his contacts in, and he couldn't see her reactions. It seemed to be going well to my inexperienced eyes. When the girl left because "it was her turn to dance,"
Fader thought he had lost the set and decided we should try a different venue. He didn't realize that she really was next up to dance, and she did a *fine* job, too.
GetBackInState ... GetBackInState ... GetBackInState ...
Off we went to another strip club. And this time everything came together.
Fader's summary of stripper game is, "All you have to do is be more interesting than the money." And he was. Within a couple of minutes, the 19 year-old dancer's body language said she was trying hard to hold herself back/together while she jumped up and down with excitement. This was a happy, excited, girl. She *insisted* that
Fader put her number into his phone right there.
If we needed proof that
Fader is a master
PUA, we had all we needed and more.
But
Fader wasn't in Seattle to pick up. He was there to help us learn pick up. We all went back to his hotel room and chatted. And he stayed up until 4:00am answering our questions and helping us to learn. That's dedication.
Oh, and the stripper he gamed? He sent a "What are you doing?" text to her, but passed out asleep before he got her reply, "Nothing." So close.
Day 2 started early.
Fader had a lot of material he wanted to cover, and we were eager to learn.
Before we got started, though, he wanted something for lunch. It was amusing to watch New York Boy try to order food in Seattle. "What do you mean, you don't deliver?" "Uh ... with few exceptions ... we don't do that here."
Eventually we got the food situation figured out. We ate, then it was time for the teacher to teach. And so we began to drink from the firehose again.
With material as rich as the
Love Systems model, I can study it for years and still get something new from it each reading. That, of course, has more to do with my skill level and readiness to receive and retain the knowledge than with the material itself.
Key takeaways I got from day 2 were:
1) "I'm here to amuse myself." Suddenly it all makes sense. This captures the attitude and mindset of the whole attraction phase for me. That's how negs and
humor can be tossed out without caring if the target "gets it" or not, it's how and why I rattle off stories and routines, and in fact, it's why I opened in the first place.
2) Game should be fun -- a stress relief. I always assumed it would be a lot of work and probably a lot of stress. But to realize that it could be fun, even a form of stress _relief_? That was both stunning and "Oh yeah"/"Duh!" at the same time.
3) "
Teasing creates sexual tension." I knew sexual tension was important in game, and I knew
teasing was good game and something I enjoy doing (I'll never grow out of
teasing girls). But when
Fader said that, it was like my eyes were opened to what had been working all along, and I just couldn't see it before. That was a massive BFO -- Blinding Flash of the Obvious.
And last, and most important, was
Fader's distilled concept of game.
4) Value and compliance. "You need value to get compliance. If you didn't get compliance, you didn't have enough value." It's as simple as that.
On day two, we covered not just value and compliance, but also short term attraction, long term attraction, escalation, attraction switches, qualification (two small qualifier questions, two medium qualifier questions, then one big, obvious qualifier question), and early, mid, and late comfort. I was a note writing machine trying to keep up with everything he taught.
Soon, though, it was time to go out in-field again.
I know I only opened once the previous night, but one of my fellow students didn't open at all. So I issued a challenge to him. "I bet you I will open ten sets tonight before you open three!" He took me up on it.
This time we found a really good venue: Trinity.
Fader agreed to teach us longer than the usual time, so we had a quick dinner break, then we would meet up at the club. I got there first and stood in line right behind a really, really cute Asian gal. And I love Asians. I pulled a situational opener and ran with it for a bit, but while she seemed friendly, she wouldn't let go of the conversation on her cell phone in another language, so I let it go. But at least I had run my first opener of the night. Nine to go.
The rest of the boys arrived and we went inside. (Did
Fader open that Asian gal, too? To similar effect? Oh, then I don't feel so bad). We split up and did a run through the venue to find the bars, bathrooms, dance floors, and quiet areas. Hey, they have a trance/house/progressive dance floor here! My kind of place.
Then it was time. For AA, of course.
Fader wanted me to open, but saw I was getting nervous. He said, "Do you want to do a quick run through the venue?"
"No," I said, "I did that already. I have no excuse."
Fader did a fistpump and said, "Yes! An honest student!"
When I practice game, my philosophy on women I don't find attractive is simple: She is female, and therefore practice. To reduce AA and help me concentrate on learning, I focused on women I don't find particularly attractive.
No disrespect to the sistas of the world, but women of African descent just don't do it for me. I also love slender women. And I prefer women who are my height or a little shorter. So you know who I concentrated on.
Second approach, but first in-venue approach. Black? Check. Overweight? Check. Taller than me? Check. "Got a quick question for you. Is attraction a choice?"
She had a soft, gentle voice. She showed several non-verbal IOIs, and in words she told me she liked educated white men. I think I can confidently say I've reached the hook point.
Transition time. I said, "From your voice and gestures, I can tell you are a gentle, nurturing woman, who cares deeply for those who are close to you. Am I close?"
She was so touched, I thought she was going to fall over.
"So what are three things about you that you would want me to know about you?" Yeah, I know, that question was a little off. But she immediately offered up three things she really wanted me to know about her.
Then ... sigh ... brain overload syndrome. So much information packed into my brain in so few hours ... I didn't remember my qualification training. And that didn't matter because it didn't dawn on me that I had flown past qualification and landed far in the land of comfort. A few verbal stumbles later and the wheels were already falling off the cart. Time to eject. Eight approaches to go.
I did several solo approaches that night. One of the things I most wanted from this
bootcamp was to get the instructors feedback on my in-person game. But he couldn't because he wasn't there -- I was the one who made the decision to wander off on my own.
When we did catch up with each other,
Fader tossed me into a set. He grabbed me, opened a short, overweight, black woman with, "My friend has a real important question he has to ask you," then raced off down the stairs. Gee, no pressure.
I was glad I had my opener ready to go. "Is attraction a choice?" She took the opener. In a few moments, I "noticed" something about her to start my transition. Then we were in a conversation. Hook point achieved.
Forgetting my qualification training, I didn't consciously do any small qualifications or medium qualifications. Honestly, I forgot all of my small and medium questions. I just jumped right into the only one I remembered. "What are three things I should know about you?" She answered.
Again, I didn't realize that meant I was in comfort. But at least this time I didn't blow it. She was against the wall, so I tried to lock in. I stepped to the side to try to take the wall position from her. She turned with me to about 45 degrees, then stopped turning. I didn't push it. Kept the conversation going, doing DHVs as I could remember and integrate them. Within a few minutes I moved her to the couch ten feet away. Progress.
I must have been in set with her for half-an-hour.
Fader wanted to check on me, so he told the other students, "We'll go past him, but we won't look at him."
Fader came up the stairs behind my target. He saw I was still on the couch, talking to her.
He did the fastest Fistpump-"YES!"-Back-To-Neutral-Expression I've ever seen a human perform.
Somehow, I successfully didn't laugh. After a few minutes of watching, he leaned in and told me to touch her more. I felt like Style in "
The Game" when he did his first
kino. Awkward, but it was happening. She was touching me back, not just with her hands, but also with her shin and thigh as she sat on the couch facing me. More progress.
So what goes through my mind? "I've _gotta_ try this on women I find attractive!"
I regret not getting her phone number. Not because I wanted her phone number, but because I should have gotten the practice.
I needed some winging practice, so I winged a fellow student in the VIP section. He did an awesome job opening a two-set with an opinion opener. And then performed a routine that worked like magic.
I had never seen the finger length test performed before. I've known about it for a long time, but I didn't realize just how powerful that routine can be. It allowed him to do some fantastic
kino by brushing her fingers, stroking them in a gentle, non-threatening, and dare I say, romantic way. She was eating it up. Then he did the chair stealing maneuver.
Crap, I'm falling behind! I quickly started the chair stealing maneuver on my target as he finished stealing his target's chair and plopped her on his lap. His target was laughing and saying to her friend, "No! Don't fall for it!" Then I plopped my target onto my lap and both women were laughing loudly.
In that moment, I realized I had achieved a goal, the deeper goal I blurted out at the beginning of the
boot camp. These women were excited to have fun with me. They were excited that *I* was spending time with them. I was the high value man who had just came into their lives, and they were delighted to have fun ... with me.
Finger-length routine? You are so mine.
The night went well. I achieved my goal of 10 approaches. But I can't honestly say I had a "fun night." Confronting approach anxiety ten times in a single night was more overwhelming than fun. But I have a feeling I will find evenings like this to be more fun as my in-person skill progresses.
Fader said early on, he didn't care if he was blown out of every set. His goal was his student's progress. His ego is not a factor when it comes to teaching his students. That is the sign of a quality instructor who cares.
Day 3. Once again,
Fader gave us an early start. He wanted to get through as much as possible early in the day so that he could teach us some other segments like
phone game, text messaging game, etc. And, once again, we were all note-taking machines. But today we were also a lot more laid back. Two long days and nights can do that to students and teachers alike.
Fader had a goal. To give us a full
bootcamp, then to give us a little more. He wanted to teach us some additional segments not covered in a typical
bootcamp. He had a whole menu of options and had us vote. We chose
day game, dates,
phone game, and text message game. All of his insights were brilliant.
By the end of the
bootcamp, all of us were willing to give
Fader a ride south to the airport, but one student lived south of the airport, so he took
Fader down. But I'm sure all of us will be happy to welcome him back to Seattle the next time he is out here.
Fader made a point of saying and showing us that he saw us as friends. And he proved it many times. Late nights to answer questions, always there for those of us who came early to his room to learn. He went out of his way to make sure we had the best education we could get. And he is still in contact with me, answering questions, giving encouragement, and, of course, nagging me to write and post this review.
Fader, you're the man!
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