Iím now back in Paris from a one on one with Farmer last week end. After these two days, I feel like Iím just five years later in my curve of progression. It has been an amazing week end, Iíve learned so much and we also had so much fun!
Farmer 1 on 1 - London, April 2011
One week ago, I was just unable to enter in a bar. I had never spoken to a woman in a bar or a club in my life, I was terrified by opening two girls, the more girls in a set the more terrifying for me, I read the routines in the manual but I just thought I would never be able to deliver any of them. I wanted this to change but I had no clue. Because bars were so terrifying for me, I just did Day Game. At the beginning, I was satisfied to be able to overcome my approach anxiety in the streets, but I was experiencing so many blows outs that I began to think that I was too old (46), or that it was about me. I had one date out of about 50 approaches and the day I signed up for the one on one, I just had experienced 20 blows outs in a raw. I was going nowhere except down, and approach anxiety was becoming stronger again.
Before the one on one I prepared myself to really do what Farmer would tell me to do, even if I would find it difficult, I was aware that I had limiting beliefs. I knew I had to overcome them.
The first three hours of theory were just enlightening. Farmer made all the theory just simple and easy to memorize. I just had to read my notes and learn one sentence for the evening. Farmer was friendly and encouraging, and at the same time focused on the work to be done. I had the feeling again that what he was telling me to do was impossible to deliver, but he assured me it was easy and I instantly saw that he was able to deal with my own anxiety. So I felt much better.
We met at the club, took a beer and relaxed. I had to do a few warm up exercises. Farmer was already looking for girls that I could approach, I felt I was not ready, he answered I was. Unfortunately, two girls were dancing nearby. I just heard ďNow you goĒ. My head was empty, I didnít know what to say anymore, Farmer was insisting. I thought I would never do it, but it was impossible to make Farmer change his mind. One second later I was delivering the opener, the girls were French. I switched languages, they were responding very well. The second set was a tall beautiful blond dancing near the entrance. Encouraged by my first approach, it was just easier to deliver the opener. She laughed, we spoke a little. Next set.
Half an hour later, I had opened more than ten girls. After each set, I had feedback about my body language, that was crucial. At one point I understood that it was possible for me to open almost every girl, provided I took into account the information I got from the feedback of the former set. The feedback was about things I never would have figured out on my own, a lot about body language, but other things too.
Venture was there for a while and gave me good advice and demos of rapid escalation which were just amazing. It was interesting to see that Farmer and Venture had different styles. So I knew that I had to find my own style too. Venture told me that one year ago he was still a student in a bootcamp like me. All of a sudden I understood that everything was possible for me too, with enough work and will.
But Farmer was still pointing women for me to approach. That was crazy. Iíve spoken to countless women. Lots of them were responding so well, that I had to eject to go and speak to more girls. I was running now easily the attraction routines that I thought were impossible to deliver only three hours before. Then we switched openers and things went even crazier : I was going direct now and the reactions were even better. At one point I didnít know if I was hitting on the girls or if the girls were hitting on me. One girl kissing me in the neck just right after the opener is an example.
Farmer had made things progressive. He knew better than me what I could do and not, he was in control of everything. So he could just tell me the right thing at the right moment, and push me far beyond I had ever thought possible.
The girls he was pointing were now in large groups. I went direct with a girl surrounded by six of her friends. Blow out but I didnít care : one minute later a girl was taking a picture of me surrounded by three of her beautiful friends in a nearby set. The list is endlessÖ
On Sunday, first we spoke about the former night, it helped fix ideas. Then I could know exactly what went right and wrong, it gave me insight about the method I had to adopt when training in Paris. Then theory : Day Game openers and transitions plus exercises. I was now walking with Farmer in the streets for my first approach. I was anxious and just focusing on breathing the best I could. Four blows out in a raw, just like in Paris the week before. Famer gave me a lot of feedback. Again, things that I would never have figured out, because I just didnít know I was doing them. He showed me a demo, the girl was in a hurry, but he could still stop her and speak to her.
And again, Farmer knew exactly what to tell me, so I could progress the most rapidly. One hour later, I was stopping girls and they responded very well. I was now stopping three girls out of four.
I continued speaking to girls for a while, and we went in a cafť. Half an hour later Farmer had organized everything I should say from the opener to the point I show to the girl I am an interesting guy, the rule was : I had to ask each girl her number. The first one was a lawyer from Argentina, she responded so well that I didnít know how to go back to Farmer to go and meet other girls. She gave her number. The second gave her facebook. More exactly she grabbed my phone and wrote her facebook herself to be sure there wouldnít be any mistake. Another had a boyfriend, all responded so well, then I could open girls one after the other. I finally went to a gorgeous wealthy girl, it was even easier. She had a date the same night and explained to me that she liked the guy so she couldnít give me her number. But she was happy, like all the others.
I have learned so many things this week end that itís difficult to say what is the most important. Feedback about body language of course is key. One very important thing is : because you see your instructor in field all the time you have a direct access to the right beliefs. You understand that itís more about improving yourself, your skills, and having fun, than really about taking this girl home this night, or a girl home this night. You are not anymore operating from a position of scarcity but from a position of abundance, and this is invaluable because itís so much easier to get rid of the wrong beliefs by being in contact with someone who already has the right beliefs than it is by trying on your own. I understood this week end that girls eagerly want to meet a guy when they go out, but not any guy, they just want one type of guy, I think more precisely that they want one type of approach. That is what instructors teach us in a bootcamp or a one on one, to approach them the right way. If you donít approach them right, itís impossible, if you do itís easy. You can be yourself as much as you want, but you have to approach them the right way. So I said I really learned a lot!
As Farmer said, this week end gave me the precedent experiences so I can feel confident now and I can remember all I have done and understand itís possible. I can do it again in Paris. That is true. On Tuesday I went for Day Game and got an instant date and later one number with a beautiful American girl.
At night I went to a bar to talk to women, the first time I did that in Paris. That was fearful. I thought I would drink my beer and go. At one point I remembered the club in London, Farmer pointing to women for me to approach, my success on that Saturday. So I just went and approached. There were few women, but a lot of guys. Two sexy beautiful women were there, the daughter and the mother, and all the guys, good dancers, were hitting on them constantly. It seemed like impossible. All a sudden the daughter was sitting alone at a table : I had only one second, went direct, plus marriage role play, ran out of things to say, I turned to the mother. She was dancing, indirect opener, marriage role play, then we sat at a table. I remembered the demos of rapid escalation, one minute later she was leaning in towards me in my arms. Later on one of the guys came to me so we become instant wingmen. The mother had become openly sexual with me but I was soon with the two women again and all the other guys had been blown out by the daughter. I knew that with good logistics I could have taken the mother home, but logistics was running against my plans here. I didnít know what to do, I had already a lot of fun so I went back home.
I know I have still a hard work to do now, that I will have to overcome a lot of anxiety going to bars and clubs and approach. I will try my best to confirm in the next two weeks what I did in the one on one, if I can do that I think I will have done really a lot and that I will be in to continue my progression.
Farmer said to me it would be more difficult in my own town. I went to a bar last night and it was. But still if I had not taken this one on one, I would have watched TV last night, and watching TV is not the most efficient way to get better at meeting women.
As a conclusion I will add two things.
First is an advice. If you are now like I was two months ago, wondering if you should sign up for a bootcamp or a one on one, then donít wait and go for it, I say donít wait because your indecision is just a loss of time. I was like you. Taking the decision needed courage; I didnít really know how much a bootcamp would help me and so I tried to persuade myself that I was making progress on my own. After this one on one, I know I was completely fooling myself. This one on one gave me everything to really go in the right direction. I finally had the courage to take this decision and I am now rewarded. So do the same and youíll be too. And also, before your bootcamp prepare yourself to really try to do what your instructor will tell you to do. As I said only the first approach is scary. Go for it because in front of you there is just a girl waiting for you to approach her. And also, prepare yourself to react quickly to feedback. Focus on the feedback and try in each set to correct what you did wrong in the former set. And also take the decision before your bootcamp or one on one to go out after it. I arrived in Paris on Monday completely exhausted but I went to a bar on Tuesday because I had made this decision before. It was hard but now I know I can have success and fun on my own. Plus I went on Thursday and I had success too! I have to go tonight and itís still difficult but Iíll go because I know now that tomorrow Iíll be happy. I made a mistake so donít make it : if youíre completely new to bars and clubs, go out and have a drink in many different venues before your bootcamp to get used to them and know which are best. Iím now looking for big venues with dancing and with girls having fun or with tourists and not too far from home. Iím also looking for areas with lots of bars so I can change venues if something goes wrong. What you donít want is to add to your approach anxiety the other anxiety of being in a completely new environment. Also you donít want to walk one hour in your town to go to a club which does not exist anymore or which is closed because itís not the right day of the week or the right hour.
Second is that Farmer has been an amazing teacher. He listened to me carefully and then knew exactly what I wanted and what I needed to progress. So he could give me the exact information I needed at the right time. Now I know the difficulties Iím going to face in my future progress and what to do about it. He did the most he could to make me progress and I think this review shows that he succeeded. And we had so much fun! Itís certainly one of the best week ends I ever had.