my super awesome intro
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- 06-10-2009, 02:25 AM #1
yeah i figured i'd do one of these myself for the hell of it. (just to mention, i decided that i'll be mystery's disciple if i ever somehow get the chance)
my super awesome intro
usually i wouldn't join any cult since i have a bad habit of questioning everything and all that shit. however, i believe that this is a good cult. the cult that has the deep-rooted intentions to truly and ultimately improve. this is something that most of the church cults and social robot cults tend to lack since they get all mad if you question stuff.
i'm 21, go to marist college, and i live right by poughkeepsie, NY. hint hint if someone wants to wing in the area feel free to PM me cough hint cough heart attack
*brief dramatic history*--
lurked around the fastseduction forums since about 9th grade in highschool (when i was about 16), where i was so socially fucked up that during the summer i was afraid to leave the house. i don't think i left my basement for 2 months straight. just played an MMO all day as though that little guy with the sword was really me, and i jacked off all over the floor a lot. wasn't the best.
i was pale, starting to get fat, so weak that i think it felt like i had arthritis and i ached after doing anything remotely physical....and i had this intense anxiety of seeing anyone i knew outside the house. when i was prodded to finally get a haircut, i never felt so much anxiety fearing that someone from class might walk in and see me. i was disgusted when i looked in the mirror. i was the guy that the girls would go "Ewwww" at mention of my name and play jokes on.
somehow though, i read a tiny bit of what was on fastseduction and started working out (with virtually no work out program whatsoever like some paper/muggle jackass.)
*"paper" / "muggle" are terms i use for those social robot white people that are the stereotypes at starbucks* (they are so white that they are paper, sometimes i call them looseleaf. muggle just randomly came to me and i have no reasoning behind it yet) (i am white myself)
i was an asshole and for some reason didn't buy the game or mystery's book until recently (just finished the game and began mystery's book). i guess i was like "hmm yea i'll just lurk the forums a bit and read some of the basics and i should be good."
i got a little bit of confidence from working out and overcame my utter fear of people walking around outside and how they thought of me (...to an extent, which was a lot for me at that point.) i ACTUALLY obtained a girlfriend when i was 18 (hb9), a feat in itself that was probably better than any magic trick mystery could ever perform, considering how afc and fearful i still was. of course, this only lasted a week and the farthest i got was the courage to touch her boobies (what i called them then.) oh, and on the outside of her shirt, so i guess that doesn't really count. i was heart-broken when she --a big surprise to asshole afc old me-- broke up with me right after i bought her a 100$ necklace i saved up all week for, that was for her birthday.
half-ass working out continued to maintain my imaginary confidence, which did serve me somewhat well, and thus made it real confidence. went on a few dates so far in college but never really got anywhere. while i was away i tried to get into a fraternity, only to get voted out by 1 vote the week before initiation (which was unheard of.) it was when i was in the middle of trying out a lot of mystery's techniques and ideas i had read on the forums, like peacocking and even putting on eye shadow in public without caring (i thought it looked cool.) the social robots that made up the fraternity seemed like scared animals to have me representing them when i escaped the usual brainwashing that most pledges submitted to, and thus my biggest pain at the time came when i was rejected from it.
that was when i was 18 - 19, so through 19 - 20 i was constantly on DXM, or in other words: servings of 40 robutussin pills at once. it became a regular thing to walk into cvs, buy a bag of chips and an energy drink, and then 2 bottles of robutussin. pretty much like the most pussy drug ever but it was all i knew i could get access to (by this point i was so emotionally and socially shattered that i was afraid to talk to anyone again, even about getting drugs.) so it was a very hazy year that kind of blurred past me. one night in particular i really wanted to kill myself, and so i took my most memorable amount of pills (70) at once, and then blacked out. i would've taken more but my body physically became so entranced with the drug that i lost control of my pill-swallowing abilities. i passed out on my stomach. the next day i was on my back somehow and there was a pile of vomit right next to me. no idea how i unconsciously got up and threw up while so disabled. i was actually disappointed that i didn't die at the time. it was like i was suffering so much yet couldn't bring myself to directly kill myself like i knew i wanted. such annoying irony. i also knew that therapy and anti-depressants would not solve the core of my problem; getting love.
LUCKILY however, the following summer i learned about a magical drug known as adderall. a halo pro, that i first idolized (and still do) as one of my heroes, "neighbor," took it. and i remembered thinking about how much of a focused trance he was in whenever he played. i wanted that intense focus that he had. so i researched it, and found out i had to get a prescription from a psychiatrist to get it. soon after that i researched what all the symptoms of ADD were (attention defecit disorder), and practiced what i would say to make sure i indirectly and convincingly mentioned all of the significant symptoms so that i would get adderall.
a few weeks later, i got it. all i know is that with adderall, i instantly lost the desire to overdose on robutussin and be put in a haze, and i was motivated and focused to improve my life. thus began my path to escaping the pale, chubby, socially scarred self. if there is any drug i would recommend, it is adderall. and it is not a magic pill that solves all your problems. but it is definately a huge tool towards solving mine. and i am using that tool to as much of it's potential as far as i know, and trying to find ways to keep improving that potential every day. i will be dependent on it the rest of my life (my psychiatrist doesn't like this idea.) there are no long-term dangers besides the possible chance of liver damage (same thing if you drink). society has this strange concept that taking a drug all the time is bad, even if it has no real potential harming factor to it. you should just do everything "drug free" i guess to get some invisible honor code i can't see. well, i like being a dependent drugged out loser, since instead of getting me high, the drug gets me motivated. it gets me motivated to quit making fucking excuses and bullshitting around with my fears and my never-ending problems. it gets me motivated to take the greatest risk of all and face them.
combined with adderall, the game, mystery's book, seduction forums, and my new found trainer that i've had the past six months (a friend's grandfather who is like mr.myagi -- used to be an olympic weight lifting champion and amateur boxing champion), i have transformed. i am still transforming. i will never be done. the never ending path to potential is one that i love. i hope that i am always constantly trying to improve, that i am always forced to fight or strain myself to get better. that, in itself, is relaxing to me. sleeping in a hammock feels like a boring waste to me. besides getting enough sleep, i get no relaxation out of doing nothing. all i ever get is boredom, which is possibly a side effect of the drug. but i think it's a good side effect. my mini-meth is the answer towards my natural low-energy and excuse-making system. having something that chemically destroys this is a wonderful asset and decreases the time it takes me to learn and adapt exponentially.
as for my current Venusian Arts level, according to the characteristics on fastseduction i am rAFC. i have not banged an hb6+ yet. i rely too much on getting opened by girls (since my attractiveness has increased greatly, along with my current natural peacocking with my training gloves & chun-li wrist spikes.) also, i suck ass at shifting between opening and fluff and rapport, to phase-shifting with actual isolation and kissing. i'm pretty good at getting to right before i'm supposed to isolate, but then i kind of don't know exactly what to do. reading mystery's book will obviously fill a lot of this hole, but it's definately a sticking point. i tend to not use canned material at all, but i adapt it to my own personal style and invoke either lies or truths based on my real energy when it comes to something. i feel like this is the most successful method (at least through the opening approach and rapport.) i may use EXTREMELY similar lines, but it has to be something i know about (i might as well go "yo bro what's happening" like a fake asshole to a guy if i try and make up some story about girls fighting to a girl.)
also, i wear the chun-li spikes since i play her on street fighter 4 and feel she represents my inner character (i'm very serious.)
minor recent f/r:
i had the hottest blond girl (hb 8.5) open me because of those chun li spikes and wanted to know why i wore them, to which i used to my advantage as a secret to never let her in on. unfortunately (this happened a few days ago) 2 guys were in the set that must have went to the bathroom or something, since they came out of left-field and surprised me by saying "my friend thinks your a FAGGOT!" i answered that by saying i was gay, but the guys weren't my type. man that guy was mad when i said that. he got right in my face and looked like he wanted to hit me...but i was extremely relaxed (knowing boxing, while it may only be the basics, seemed to help a lot with keeping me utterly catatonic to this completely new situation.) the scariest person of them all was the hot blond girl during all this, since she gave the amog such a look and yelled at him so loudly that i was almost afraid she could easily beat me up. i kind of just ejected at that and told the girl that i wished i could've connected with her more since i thought she was cool and different, but obviously i wasn't wanted (looked toward guys.) this seemed to light up her eyes and increase her pissed-offness at the guys. i probably should've hovered outside the bar for a little cause only a few minutes later the girls stormed out -without- the guys and drove away by themselves. oh well, i'm learning.
also, i wasn't alone...i had a wing with me. or...well..i thought i did. i mean he's my best friend, but he really is 100% super duper AFC. he's not so afc that i wouldn't want to be associated with him, he actually is cool and strong since we work out and box together. but unfortunately he has this insanely huge approach anxiety that...if i mention...he will deny very angrily. not sure exactly how to approach that problem (there must be a psychological way to sneakily address it, since i've tried several methods including saying "YOU CAN'T JUST FUCKING STAND AROUND LIKE DENNIS (super afc nerdy guy we know)" in response to him saying i looked like a clown one night.
actually, looking at that paragraph, i think i need a new wing. unfortunately i don't know of any wings in my area (near poughkeepsie, NY)...but would love to be pm'd or responded to here if anyone's interested. even though i am rAFC i think i am a worthy wing -- i have pretty much zero approach anxiety and often have to sarge alone or go totally solo even if i have a useless wing nearby (at least he doesn't hover around...god that was bad when he used to do that.)-- i think that i can avoid looking like a fake asshole that used to plague me at my beginning stages, and i'm not too bad at freeze-outs or too ugly that i'd scare away girls (i do get opened a bunch after all, must mean something.) i also know when to talk to the obstacle and when not to approach a set that a wing is working (especially if it's just a lone girl) besides just passing by and giving some social proof. i don't just hover, i don't desperately try to cling to conversation, i don't just waltz up and go "ummmm hi...." *gulp down beer nervously*
anyways, fuck it, that's my intro
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