Hello from Cali..so my New Years Resolution is

to try and change a few things about myself, and thats why im here.
This maybe a bit long, but maybe interesting for some to read.

I'll give you a little bit of history on me, im 34 and really lacking in self confidence, even though most everyone that knows me will tell you I think gods gift, or ladys man, ect. I guess you can say I hide the insecurity it well around people I know.
When I was growing up I was overweight and lets just say getting a girl was not in the cards. I wasnt attractive, I wasnt social, and I have major stage fright so talking to them or anyone for that matter is hard.

When I turned 18 I lost 80lbs. Not in a good way, but by starving myself.
This change brought about a new me, and a lot of attention I was not use to at all. All of a sudden I had girls flirting and throwing themself at me.

Once I was able to get into the clubs at 20-21 I began to get a big head.
Lots of women around and I found myself meeting many.
I would come home with pockets filled with numbers.
I became very cocky and confident, but was with the help of a little liquid courage.
I needed the alcohol to help me start to talk to the girls. At the same time I was confident because even though I needed the help to open, at this point I believed there wasnt a girl I couldnt get. when you go from being the fat kid with no attention to the guy all the girls want, and youre able to enter best body contests and win it really does something to your head. Maybe not for better, i dont know.
Problem is I really relied on my looks and the alcohol to get me through.
I say i relied on looks and alcohol to help because the alcohol helped losen me up to talk and the looks did the rest. Im not smooth, and to be honest I have no idea what to say. Girls didnt seem to care though. My normal thing was something like whats your name, where your from, can I get your number. As lame as that sounds it worked everytime. I would get laughed at if I tried that these days.

Now a days things have changed. Im not in the shape I once was, but not as bad as i was when I was a kid. Ive just kind of let myself go a lot since a relative of mine passed away last year. It really did a number on me I guess.

I still rely on my looks a lot to get girls and the alcohol these days.
The major problem for me now is I somehow seemed to have lost all self confidence I once had over the years. I never ever go up to girls on my own anymore even if im drunk as a skunk. To be honest I havent gone up to a girl on my own since my mid to late 20's area. I rely on my looks and hope the girls will come to me in the night. Doesnt always happen, but ive been lucky that it still does at least once out of a weekend. Doenst always mean its really my type of girl, but feels better than none at all.
Its weird and hard to describe, but i feel on display at times, I cant walk right or at least i feel like I cant. I feel very very ackward. ITs like a chemical reaction inside of me. Really when I get to a bar I wanna hug a rail fast to hold me up till I drink enough to relax.

So you may ask after the wall of Text why am I here?? Simply because I would like to change. I do not like the fact that I have to drink so much everytime I go out just to over come my social anxiety. Not to mention I feel like garbage the next day.
I also hate that im petrified to talk to girls that are strangers.
Finally, im not getting any younger, and if I ever want to settle down and get married I need to make some changes and Im hoping this place and some of the material maybe a step in the right direction.

P.S. I really hope none of this sounded like bragging.
I just wanted to give you all a little insight into my history and I know people can take the written not as intended on the net. Definetly not trying to offend anyone.
Just sincerly looking for the help I feel I need