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here's my situation. i recently broke up with my gf . ...
AMOGed by two bullies
here's my situation. i recently broke up with my gf. she was too flirtatious and ended up making out with some guy in a bar. she came back crying for forgiveness, but i told her that i didnt give a shit.
now i am back in the game. unfortunately I am an AFC trying to be a PUA. Last month i am at a bar chatting with a cute girl when these two guys i work with come in and start hanging out with us. for some reason, i dont know why, they start to make jokes about me and for a while i return the compliment but it got to a point where i was totally tag teamed by them. they got the better of me and soon the girl started to laugh at me, which as you can see totally destroyed my chances.
anyways, these two guys now keep finding ways and reasons to make fun of me at work and even though i stand up for myself, it pisses me off to no end. but then things got worse. i live in a small town and there are not too many hangouts. so i bump into them often and they just keep destroying any chance i have with women with their crap. i think they just do it for fun or to make themselves feel better.
i know i need to AMOG them and probably humiliate them to a point where they don't mess with me anymore, i just can't figure out how. i am indian, so they just start with their dumb indian jokes and that's where they get the better of me. btw, they never do this with me when we are alone, only when the two of them are together.
now this is not exactly a question about relationships but i feel that in order to be an effective PUA one has to be an Alpha Male and that means you can't let yourself get picked on. I have come to this forum a number of times for some good advice and i really feel i can be helped by your advice.
While it's not a relationship issue between you & a girl & I'd normally spank you for posting here because you can't post in the main forum, your problem with these guys is something that really riles me up. First of all, I cannot stand any form of racism, bullying, any crap like that. The fact that you keep on running into them is also unfortunate.
One sec brb.
Okay, this thread is home for now.
You work with these guys: how long have you worked there & what is their reason for running into you at work. Secondly, what work scenario is it, busy office?
Many staff in your dept. ?
What friends are you going out with & do they have any involvement in social dynamics?
I know this seems like 20 questions but I want to understand your situation more clearly.
First of all i apologize for posting in the wrong forum. i will take special care not to do that. i really don't mean to create more work for you.
now to your questions:
-these guys work with me.
-i work in a mid size ad agency and it is very busy.
-these guys sit in cubes next to me. so that adds to my frustrations
-i don't have many friends outside work because once i got done with school, i moved to a new town and started working here. most of my friends are work friends. most of them are women. of course i have a rule of never mixing work and play so they are just friends.
-i live in a small town in iowa so its a small place with not many indians here so i stand out in any crowd.
-i am what you call a funny guy. and i have realized that this is not always good cause people tend to take you for granted. i normally have amazing comebacks to most insults, so these guys never take me on single handedly. i must admit, when they tag team me, i am screwed.
-the racism is always in the form of jokes. followed by a "just kidding". i get mexican jokes, the 711 indian accent etc thrown at me. and then there is the "you don't know english" jokes which is shit cause i could teach them PROPER english and not the crap they speak. but i am brown, so in a way i am screwed.
-the idea is for them to get me riled up. till date i have never lost it in front of them but my social value has certainly declined. and it pisses me off because i am a lot smarter than them but obviously that doesn't count for much.
and i promise not to type such long responses in the future.
I used to live in Clinton, spent a lot of time on the banks of the Mississippi. Good days. Look, long responses are fine. What you have to do is show absolute indifference here for now. These guys won't do this for much longer. But it could go wrong & we don't want that.
Now when I say indifferent we're talking Shaolin-different, Ironshirt. Nothing these people say is going to bother you again. Nothing. That's the first thing.
NO violence will be taking place. Do not be alarmed, this is So-fist-ication. The deadliest opponent is a PaciFIST.
We're going to do something called Harlequin-Jitsu. I've largely kept this off the forum for a long time but this situation of yours greatly displeases me.
You have to be ok with the idea of using some Human NEEDS to your advantage. The thing is, you know that NEED is an illusion.
What do you know about these guys. Ages, habits, lifestyle? Live alone, parents, flatmates? How long would you say they have known each other?
You work adjacent to them. Do they leave their desks? Are you senior to them, junior? Equal?
(You're MORE equal than them (",) These are the things I have to know. Where do they hang out separately. What are they into. What's their passion besides gaining hollow value from trying to lower yours?
We have to know things about these guys to really deal with this.
Do they earn more than you? Less? Same? If you Google their names does anything come up? Don't repeat their names here.
Just wondering, have you asked them, as a friend and coworker to stop? I realize in some situations this could make the problem worse, but it seems like they are usually friendly aquaintances who just took some friendly ribbing too far.
^ That's coming but first I want to know some things.
Things going 'too far' is what will NOT occur here.
okay, here is the answer to your question. lets call them tim and tom. not their real names of course. tim is senior to me by two levels. has a wife and one kid, pretty religious and staunch republican. he is one of those "funny" guys. makes silly remarks at people and gets away with it, makes funny noises all day etc. used to be a party animal until he met his wife, a very serious woman and she seems to have tamed him. he hardly drinks and goes to church etc. he earns more than me.
tom is quite the alpha male. he dresses very well, young guy, about my age, my level at work and earns the same as i do. has an ego and i think he's bipolar. there are times he is funny and there are times he gets angry over the silliest of things. i dont think he's heard of mystery but he too snubs women at first and then seems to get them to like him. he has a serious girlfriend and he worships money. we had the son of a rich businessmen join as an intern for a while and this guy literally kissed his butt even though no one else like the rich kid. another story..... tom is quick witted and till a couple of months ago he was cool with me but then it came to promotion time and i dont know what happened. i know i am getting promoted in the next day or two for sure, his promotion is not for sure yet since he is less experienced at me. in a way i am senior to him but we have the same title and do the same work, i just have a few more responsibilities. he can be sarcastic at times but is normally very very patronizing. since my dad is like that and he and i don't get along, that habit pisses me off more. but i will ask you about dealing with patronizing people some other time. he doesn't do nearly as much work as me. he's normally on myspace or ebaumsworld but somehow gives the impression that he does a lot of work. he still leaves on time everyday and i normally work till a lot later. the only thing he has on me is that a few months ago, i had a punctuality issue whereas he shows up early to work. i worked on my problem and it has gone away but he still brings it up in jokes and creates the preception that i am always late and that i dont do much. luckily i have a supervisor who is smarter than that but the other people who dont interact with me daily dont know this so i get the occassional remark from someone or the other. then they all go "Just kidding". my supervisor is pissed about that but she really can't do much.
they do leave their cubes a lot as i do too, to walk back to the creative dept but that is not for more than sixty seconds. they also lock their computer if they are away for longer. hope this helps. let me know if you have more questions. i am excited that there is at least someone who is willing to help me.
oh i forgot, tim, the senior guy left the company over thanksgiving to join some big company but was back at our company 6 months later and rumor has it, he got a pretty good salary increase.
"Just kidding" is code for 'we're racist dumbf-ks but want to break out some cheesy jokes to make it seem like it's okay'. Are they white or is that a given?
Know every stupid Indian joke and pour it on.... they have nothing except cheap shots. Realize that. Stealing the thunder will make them back off and feel like tools. It's like a white guy telling the Chris Rock joke about the difference between blacks and n-s. They should feel uncomfortable even thinking that shit. Pour the bad "Apu from Simpsons" imitations on. Give them a Slurpee with one straw and have them share it because they make a cute couple. Make them eat the spiciest pepper in the world... from India. Mystic, exotic can play in your favor. Some of the traditional stuff you might take for granted. Some women might want some "real info" on Kama Sutra that might not be in the books. Women like exotic and mystic.
Just realize that you have a fucking cool heritage, to be blunt.
Mixing work and play can work and not work, depending on day to day interactions. There are Xmas parties and corporate trips where all that flies out the window. But you're already hanging out with some of them but don't make it seem like they're getting the better of you. I doubt they'd be able to take it even if they are ad people, where being AMOG is part of the job.
Also realize that the skills are going to help you with your job in competing with them.. not sure how it works at your job, if you're all collaborating and they're also going to take credit for your work? This might go beyond PUA and AMOGing.
Pick up masters get some of their info from Indian gurus, meditation, Kama Sutra was written there, etc... so you are already above the AFC level just in genetics alone.
Maybe M Night has done interviews about his childhood dealing with racism?
Keep reading and getting the advice on what to do with tag teams like that.
i agree, good stuff. and i appreciate the advice, even though i started a topic not dealing with real pickups. but i know that if i conquer this, i can conquer anything. my eyes are peeled on my monitor for advice. i have come to this forum in the past and have always got great advice from great guys. appreciate it.