Looking for a bit of help

Looking for a bit of help

Discuss Looking for a bit of help at the Introductions within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Looking for a bit of help Hi all. I have been searching for a while ...

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    Looking for a bit of help

    Hi all. I have been searching for a while for a decent place for help with women in general. I'm 28, never had a girlfriend and can't seem to get matches/replies on tinder, okcupid, plentyoffish and the like. Hoping to find a few tips on here as it's really having a major negative affect on my mental health.

    Fingers crossed,

    KW



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    Northern Lights is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Dating Tips, Advice For Men | Magic Bullets Handbook, Nick Savoy - Love Systems: Relationship Science | We teach you how to meet the girl next door.

    The Gentleman's Guide to Online Dating - Love Systems: Relationship Science | We teach you how to meet the girl next door.

    Online Game and IMs

    Read the sticky thread in the online subforum.

    Tell us more about yourself. Are you a hermit? Do you have friends, girls or guys? What are your hobbies, interests? What is your education level, are you employed?
    Are you physically and mentally healthy? What country are you in? A bit town or small town?

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    Hurley is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Welcome to a decent place @KiloWhiskey

    You can definitely get help here, especially when you got the attention of NL.

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    Thanks for the reply. Reading through those links now.

    As for me. I live in Birmingham, England. It's a pretty big city with over a million people.

    I went to college and got a degree in accounting, I am employed but it's not a great deal of money.

    Friends are an issue for me. Suffered with depression since I was 17 and most of my friends moved away. I have a couple of friends, but wouldn't consider anyone a close friend. I've tried making friends and going to things on meetup but everyone seemed to have their own little groups. I had therapy from the age of about 20 and went through a stage of talking to a lot of people to help rid me of my social anxiety. In a year I tried talked to about 200 girls I found attractive with the hope of getting a number, making a friend or more, but didnt get anywhere past the initial conversation with any of them. I continued to talk to women over the next 5 or 6 years with no success.it made me feel pretty ugly and worthless and I've not been going out much the past few years as a result. I've tried tinder and dating sites, but I just get no matches or replies. It sucks because it gets really lonely and I think someone of my age should've had some kind of relationship at some point.

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    Hurley is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Sorry to hear that you've been suffering from depression for such a long time.

    It's of course not something I'm professionally equipped to give advice about, but if you've been getting treatment, apparently it has been the wrong kind. Or maybe you need to make some changes in your life. Not having a woman in your life and feeling lonely can definitely be a source of depression.

    I think you should forget everything about online dating for now, especially tinder. Seriously, it's inherently extremely shallow and it does NOT give a fair representation of how successful you can be with women. I may feel easier than going out to meet women, but it's not.

    If you are intermediate or good with women, by all means, experiment with online dating. If you are not, then focus on becoming that first. As NL already suggesting, Magic Bullets is a great first start, or just start with the free articles.

    You say that you've been talking women over some years with no success. That's quite common, and it's fixable. Make a thread in general or field reports and write out one of your latest conversations and get some feedback. Or try some of the stuff from MB and tell us how it went.

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    I went in to this summer with a real positive mindset, that I would find success. I got a new haircut, new clothes and trying new things. It's a real kick in the balls when it made no difference. I fully understand that being shot down is going to happen, no matter who you are. But to not even get one number, date or anything is really frustrating.

    My therapist and online advice seems to be about being positive, which is what I tried. But it comes to a point where you mentally can't get past the fact that girls 1) find me unattractive and/on 2) don't like me as a person. When you're batting .000 it's not like I can dissect the good at bats I had to find the difference between the good and bad, they're just all bad.

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    Northern Lights is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Did you read Magic Bullets, like I mentioned 7 months ago in my post above?
    If you want to get a better idea what your problems are from a coach, take the Love Systems bootcamp taught by Labyrinth next weekend (Sept 2-4th) in London.
    Yeah, it's 3K US Dollars, but you get a money back guarantee. Tell Labyrinth your background, and have him watch you infield. He will be able to tell you what your
    sticking points are. I have heard he is very good at Day Game and Dance Floor Game as well. Here is the link to signup for the bootcamp.
    https://www.lovesystems.com/products...nt=18459951045

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    Yes I have Magic Bullets and go back to it from time to time to try and better re-enforce things in my mind. I wish I could afford to pay $3k for something, but that's not something I can currently do.

    Unfortunately I'm struggling with making friends still. I've been to various meetups, social events and talked to girls with no hoped expectation beyond friendship. I've used Magic Bullets for that too, since I felt it could be used to talk to people too. It sucks for a number of reasons because, reading MB, it suggests that not having friends is definitely going to reflect badly on me in the eyes of women, for many reasons. It also makes it a little awkward when you approach someone and they give you a weird look and say "ummm, are you out on your own?". It's hard not to come across like you're trying to pick up girls when that's the case. Then obviously not having friends sucks in a general social way away from trying to pick up girls.

    I still feel like a lot of it is down to looks. I'm unattractive. It's not like I'm going after 10s. I've never even approached one. But when I watch PUA videos online or whatever, they're all good looking guys IMO.

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    Northern Lights is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    KW - Hey. Alright well that's a start. Sorry you can't make the 3K bootcamp but that is not too big of a deal.

    What actually may be better, and much cheaper, is a wingman session where you spend an evening with an instructor and he watches you interact and talk to women.
    The instructors have seen so many guys and been through so many interactions with women that they will be able to give you a bunch of things to work on just
    by viewing you for a few hours.

    1. Here is the link to the mastermind wingman program. It is only $997, and not only do you get 1 night out with an instructor, you get 2 follow up calls and 24 hour text/phone support for the month.
    Use an audio recorder to record your interactions and dissect them with the instructor. Ask your instructor to do some demo interactions and have him audio record them.
    https://www.lovesystems.com/products...feline-wingman

    2. If you can't afford the 1K for the wingman session, there are probably some local guys in London who have cheap coaching sessions, but you will have to
    verify that they ar good before getting any coaching. Ask to see them in action for an hour or so before signing up for coaching.

    3. If you can't afford any coaching right now, I recommend the items my friend and LS coach S. Badger posted about in this thread.
    327ren's day game journal

    This is his advice to another student, but really these fundamentals 1-4 are for almost everyone, including me, except advanced students and instructors.

    4. As far as looks go, all you can do is control the controllables. The guys you see in the videos are typically good looking because they are
    young and have lost weight and trained in order to improve their results with women. Some LS instructors are average looking (Fader, S Badger, former instructor Mr. M),
    but all things being equal, better looks helps. Worry about what you can control, that's it.

    5. You mentioned that you had issues getting matches on POF, okcupid, tinder. Post a link to your profile so we can critique it. Post it in the online section.

    6. Kilowhiskey - Hopefully your handle this is not an indication of the amount you drink. Too much drinking is a turnoff.

    Good Luck!

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    Thanks, NL.

    The finance side of things is pretty much non-existent for me right now. Having 10 spare at the end of the month is a success. Just the unfortunate circumstances.

    Those fundamentals are something I try to work on. But, like with approaching girls, they often seem overly specific and disheartening. For example in terms of clothing - there's so many places that suggest wearing a blazer. I know it's often different in the States, but in the UK in most high schools you have to wear a blazer as part of the school uniform. Having a shitty high school life, it just makes me not feel comfortable wearing one at all and I honestly haven't seen anyone else wearing them, so I would feel self conscious anyway. The same with nutrition. I don't get to work out properly (at a gym) because I don't have the excess cash, but I do work out at home. It's disappointing because I just feel like it's never going to be enough. I personally don't eat greens (outside of lettuce, sometimes) simply because they make my stomach turn. I tried to diet about 2 years ago when I was able to afford to go to the gym and all these nutrition plans had me eating lots of greens, steamed, and stuff. I absolutely dreaded eating. I was basically forcing this stuff down me and pretty much gagging. Eating shouldn't be more of a challenge than working out. But it seems like ALL meal plans are green-veg-heavy.

    I think the problem with fundamentals 2-4 are that they are often in the same cycle and can only really be positive when things are positive. I want to enjoy talking to people, I want to feel better about myself, I want to reach goals. But when it's only negative, it's hard to not have all 3 of those in the same negative cycle. Setting a goal like "speak to 5 people" is fine, but it doesn't really go anywhere. Whereas goals like "Get 5 phone numbers in a month" are things that have more meaning, but are (currently) unattainable.

    For example let's say I want to be a boxer. Setting a goal of "have 5 boxing fights" doesn't really mean anything. But if in those fights, I can't land a punch, I'm getting beaten to death, then it's going to be difficult to enjoy boxing, it's going to hard to feel good about myself as a boxer and I feel like even though I'm reaching a goal of having 5 fights, it's not actually making a difference - if that makes sense? If I could start landing punches or win a fight, then I could start to get some positivity going. I don't want it to sound like "excuses, excuses", but I have to be realistic with myself and how I feel. I know speaking to 5 people a day without any kind of success isn't going to make me feel any better - more likely the opposite. Changing how you think is not just some simple thing as my thoughts are obviously formed by my feelings and experiences. It's like telling me to believe in God, when I do not believe there is one. I can't just change that believe or way of thinking.

    I agree on working on the controllables, but that's still quite limiting and I've no idea what to really do. Like I'm one of those "skinny, fat guys". I'm tall and thin, but have a bit of a "beer belly" type thing. So no idea what I need to be doing in workouts or what.

    I will think about putting my POF profile on here. It's tough to do so though. I'm sure it's no surprise that I don't take criticism well. There's also the problem that I don't have many pictures to choose from because I simply do not have many pictures. I would say most of them are from when I was in NY a few years back and went to a game with some guys from a sports message board. Otherwise I simply don't know how to take pictures because I don't really have friends here. I'll try and pick up the courage to post it, but I hate how I look and tend to avoid posting pics of me anywhere.

    KiloWhiskey is just my initials in phonetic alphabet, I actually do not drink.

    As always, I appreciate the feedback.

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