My story Oo
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- 09-24-2015, 05:33 AM #1
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My story Oo
Firstable, sorry for my english, but I'm sure you will understand me.
My name is Max, I'm 22, living in central Europe. I've never been good with women. I was growing up with no father and lots of family problems. In age of 14-17 I was in a deep depression, my younger sister went into drugs, so my mother put all attention towards her. I had no women and people who I could talk to, so I was crying in my bed, and the only contact with women was on the chat website. I had even a crush on a girl that I met on the internet LOL, never seen her in a real live, but I felt so validated. I'd talk with her on the telephone like 3 times and I remember how stressed I was talking to her. I was even afraid looking at women on the street - I started twitching like a chicken when Ive holded an eye contact with random person. I fell in love with girls that I'd talk to for like 3 minutes, mostly my sisters friends. But when she turned 15 she was sent for a drug rehabilitation till 18.
Everything has changed when I went to high school. After my crush on the internet girl I felt in love with a barbie looking girl from mid-school. I was so desperated to get the girl so I typed in google "how to pick up a woman". The tips were simple - Go and say that you like her. Unfortunately i wasn't that confident to strike on her, so I asked my friend which was my neighbour for her msg communicator. Well, nothing special happened.
I didn't get any special articles on the forum that I found on google, the main thing there was the natural game - be yourself etc. So I have focused on the education. Somehow at the end of the first class I found the David X book. I red it 10 times and I was shocked. That made me instantly confident. In a minute after reading this book I was able to look directly into random womens eyes. That was like an enlightenment. I felt like a God, but still I couldn't talk to any girl. I felt like this is not the time yet.
When I turned 17 my mother made up decision that she will leave to Germany for a work, so I had to stay alone for few months. I found some other stuff about pickup so I had a lot of things to do. It led to the point, that I wasn't going to school regulary. The whole days I was playing Diablo II and reading about self development haha. I focused mostly on a Mystery Method but I wasn't able to approach a girl. That was too much for me.
So in 31 december 2010 it has changed. As you can guess I have invited some friends to celebrete the new year. Id instantly get drunk and because we had no women around I went outside to find some. Unfortunately I didn't find any, so I grab some other friends and we went to other party. Walking there we've spotted a group of people (3 male, 2 women). This is my first approach in a live! I said "Happy new year!" hugging a girl from this set. We have talked for a minute, everybody was like WTF, the groups spread away, so I was 1on1 with the girl. She said that she has to go, so I grab her number and established a meeting in an hour. I was acting through my consciousness, feeling like this is simple and normal, like I was doing it for years. The fact is I was drunk and this is the only reason why I was able to act this way.
I returned to my set and everybody was shoked. We arrived the party and I started to introducing myself to everybody. I was the most enjoyable man in the room. I went for 2 almost instant kiss closes + some touching with girls that I knew for like a 10 minutes. Some other girls get angry, that I'm kissing her friend that I don't know. So I decided to leave. Walking home I met some other girls and grab a number. Went home, chatting on telephone with 2 of my friend friends, that I met next day.
After that, I've started to approach girls more often, but I didn't get any results, unless I was drunk. Few days after my first approaches I've pulled the only girl from a bar, but she was a virgin, so I was too scared to close her.
In the next summer I've met some people from my town that were into pickup. I went out few times but I didn't get any results. I tried to use the Mystery Method, but I wasn't congruent with it. The only positive results I had, happened when I was approaching directly, but in real I thought that the MM is the only reasonable method. I remember that I was asking a girls on the dancing floor if they can cook or another funny stuff. I had no clue how it should be looking like. Okay, I've seen The Pickup Artists and Key to the vips + some infields, but I had no outer game. I thought that the words are everything and nothing more is needed for success. That made me perfect in ONLINE game. I was really good, had a tones of horny girls waiting for me hah. My online profil was named "SEX" for a while, I hadn't perfect photos (I look really young through my face) but the girls were sending me their photos in the lingerie and also without. I'd set up a BOT to rate the girls profiles so I had like 100 msgs daily. I was very direct through my confidece, because I've done something that i though I will never do!
When my mother arrived back from Germany and she noticed my problems in school she decided to send me to the Psychologist and the Psychiatrist, which is needed for the diagnose. I received a Seronil for a depression. I enjoyed it, but i slept a lot. It pumped my confidence even more.
Well, after my bad nights in a club I've decided to quit the pickup. I didn't pass to the next class, cuz I wasn't even going there So next year I've spended playing computer games, and ... I quit school...
I don't remember so much things that happened when I was 19-21. I didn't do anything special. Just computer, some internet pickup, but I sucked in this. I was in depression, but I didn't feel it so much. I returned to school I've passed the high schools exams. I wasn't even preparing to this. I was bored of life and didn't see any direction. I felt like I've done everything that I had to do. In 20 i've met my first real girlfriend that i've been more then 1 week lol. I wasn't really in pickup this time so she left me after 3 weeks, cheating. I had a giant crush but I expected that. Moreover I've found out that she's pregnant. Ofc not with me. I had no sex with her, I wasn't ready for this but I reallllllly liked her. I was frustrated and picked up another girl from a website. She wanted to fuck me in 2 hours after we met up. That was my first time lol. I didn't even want to have sex with her, but she made it all. After all she went back home, I texted her, she didn't answer. I was laughing that I was so bad in the bed that she didn't respond LOL.
So I've achieved my goal. After this I lost all my desire and I didn't care of anything. I'm too lazy to go to work, I have a debt that I didn't pay off. I don't know if this is depression, but I don't feel like I want anything more from life. All I do is texting with girls online, reading books, watching movies (some rsd stuff.) In some point I want to continue my pickup journey, but not at all. I don't care of anything. I don't enjoy anything but i'm also not so sad.
Probably you all know the syndrome when you wait for the spark. So I'm in this moment of my life when I'm waiting for the spark, for new desires and goals. Maybe I have noone who can push me forward and motivate. I don't know.
Thank you if you red all, and leave your conclusions, please.
- 09-24-2015, 11:40 AM #2
The lack of desire to do anything, while being neither sad nor happy, sounds like depression to me. Depression doesn't mean being sad all the time, like most people think. A lot of time it manifests itself as apathy. It could also be a side effect of medication. Either way, I would see a psychologist again and see if you can either get off the medication you're on, or if your treatment plan needs to change.
My story Oo
The other thing you can try is exercise. Lack of exercise can put you in a lethargic state and sap your energy. Just try working out for one week and see if you feel any different.
It could also be that you haven't found a passion in life. Are there any issues out there you care about? Anything that makes you angry, that you want to change about the world? I think every person needs some sort of a core mission, or core values that they follow to make the world a better place, either for themselves, a select group of people, or all of humanity.
Think of your life as a video game: how would you develop your character? What sorts of quests would you want to achieve (not just the ones Deckard Cain suggests )? What can you do to level up? Go out and do it!
RogueWhen I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.
- 10-10-2015, 04:10 AM #3
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I've just read the Anthony Robbins - Awaken the Giant Within (like 100 of 600 sites, I have also other books to read) but that was enough to wake me up from doing nothing. So I have new job, quite hard but still something. The other impulse which motivated me to take an action was also lack of money, but the book was just crucial. I forgot about the social-security contributions, so I'm not able to visit the psychologist, but it's no problem at all right now. I don't feel like depressed, it's just something like: I don't need anything, cuz I'm still feeling good. You can send me to some uninhabited island with no clothes and I'll be still same person when you bring me a ferrari and few naked women. That's why I didn't take an action before. Anyway now I understand that's all about an infinite process and I have nothing to lose, just enjoying the life.
So I decided to set up my life and then try some pickup stuff. There are lots of possibilities of picking up women. I'm starting in getting a bootcamp in 10 december, then I'll be totally able to do it on my own. I have all the knowledge but in real I feel like I need a solid feedback. So now I focus on money, then as you know, pickup will resolve some another problems.
TheRogue thanks for advice it was also helpfull. Iv found out my problem and we'll see what happen.
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