Possible Unique Situation. Wondering if freeze out is appropriate.

Possible Unique Situation. Wondering if freeze out is appropriate.

Discuss Possible Unique Situation. Wondering if freeze out is appropriate. at the Introductions within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Possible Unique Situation. Wondering if freeze out is appropriate. So, I've know this girl for ...

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    Possible Unique Situation. Wondering if freeze out is appropriate.

    So, I've know this girl for just over 3yrs. We dated for 1yr, engaged for almost a year, than broken up since then. She's 8 years younger than me (she's now 21). The breakup a year ago was her idea and I went along with it because I could tell she wasn't happy with the relationship (I'm not 100% sure why). I was really trying to do everything I could to be there for her... including driving two hours one way to see her every weekend while taking classes full time... and she was still upset with me when I got down to her house. So when she said she wanted a break, I thought it would be for the best.

    We've maintained a more than friendship level of interaction, for some time now, but she's still unhappy for some reason. She doesn't seem to know what she wants, and when something goes wrong, she wants to put the blame on me. Unfortunately I do have a terrible habit of giving her some logical arguments when I probably shouldn't... but I find it hard taking blame for a situation that doesn't really exist(?).

    The most recent things that have taken place are the following:

    (a) We talked in the park a few weeks ago and decided we would just be friends, with no expectations (as she has a terrible time making unrealistic expectations of wanting all of my time... even time I don't have... time that needs to go towards school). She agreed and we flirted around for a bit and everything seemed fine.

    (b) A few days ago we were close (me holding her and a little kissing), and now she's wanting all that time again... even though I do give her what I believe to be an appropriate amount of time and communication {even staying on the phone with her so she can fall to sleep quicker... ... she says it helps anyways}).

    (c) Tonight I was at a bday party for my roommates little sisters. She wanted to watch a movie at her parents place (she lives with her parents), and so we left early. On the way over she seemed a little distant, so I asked what was wrong. She said nothing was... and then that she felt like not watching the movie after all. So she dropped me off at my apartment, told me how she felt like I was being distant (every Sunday apparently I'm distant with her), I started my logical argument (mainly because I'm confused about the whole thing), and she said she probably just needed a couple of days to herself.

    So now I'm home alone writing on this forum to find out what I should do. I really feel like I've done a lot for this girl (even moved to Pittsburgh PA from FL for her), and that she just doesn't really appreciate any of it. A friend has given me the idea of a freeze out, but to ask for the recommendations of "higher authorities" (thus the post to this forum).

    Please let me know what you all might suggest, and I'm completely open to answering any more questions you all might have. Thank you.



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    Possible Unique Situation. Wondering if freeze out is appropriate.

    Why do you still give her all this attention if the two of you have broken up? You owe her nothing at this point. You already gave her too much, she knows she has you in her pocket, and she's too young to appreciate any of it. Let me ask you: what has SHE done for YOU? (Sex doesn't count). Do you think she would move to another state for you if you asked her? Plan a date, make you dinner, do your laundry, skip an event because you wanted to do something else, etc? I'm guessing the answer is "no" and you just keep on giving because you have all this time invested in her and you feel like it's the "right" thing to do. Personally, I would suggest making the breakup official, going no contact, and meeting other girls. Next time, make sure the girl is invested into the relationship so it's not just you doing all the work. If you really want to give this one a chance, tell her everything you told us and the go no contact for a while (a REAL break, for a month or so). See if she fights for you. If she doesn't bother to put effort into the relationship, like driving 2 hours to see you, you'll know it's time to move on.

    Rogue
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

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    TheRogue,

    Thank you for your quick response. I agree with everything you said, but it's very helpful to know that I'm not just acting too extreme. But what follows is the update on the situation, and hopefully I can get some more advice on how to go about handling what I foresee to be an unavoidable situation.

    So I called her Monday night to break everything off with her. She seemed fine. I brought up Sunday night and all that happened as stated in my previous post. She was apologetic and whatnot. And then I brought up breaking things off. She seemed a bit sad, but no crying or anything over the top. After we get off the phone, and about 30mins-1hr later, she texts me about me coming over still for Thanksgiving. I didn't respond. Then she texts again about talking some more on the phone. I didn't respond. She attempted calling. I sent the call to vm.

    The next night (Tuesday night) she texts me again about how she didn't want to end things on a bad note. Wednesday I responded by telling her that, I gave her space for a year when she wanted it... now I need space. And I haven't heard from her since.

    Now that the update is complete (please critique me if necessary), I'd like to ask anyone's ideas on a situation that's bound to come up...

    So this girl and I go to the same church, and not going is not an option for either of us. However, there're two times that we can go. She always go to the later as I would normally do. Should I continue going at the same time as her or try to avoid her for a couple of weeks? (note: all my church friends also go at the later time. Could these interactions help me overall? and is that recommended?)

    Thank you!

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