30 and no experience with women, how to get the ball rolling?

30 and no experience with women, how to get the ball rolling?

Discuss 30 and no experience with women, how to get the ball rolling? at the Introductions within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; 30 and no experience with women, how to get the ball rolling? Ever since around ...

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  1. #1
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    30 and no experience with women, how to get the ball rolling?

    Ever since around hitting puberty, I've been struggling socially. It's not that I can't talk to people, it's not that I can't hold conversation or be friendly. People who meet me like me and treat me with respect. I think the problem is more building relationships. As a kid, I was very social, I remember being voted class clown, even. But when the teenage years hit, I felt like I didn't fit in. I was always the small kid (I'm only 5'6") which is no excuse, but it still affected me. I didn't put myself in social situations because I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin, and felt like if I stayed in the background, I wouldn't get mistreated. That was a big mistake and I wish I could kick my past-self in the ass and tell him to man-up. In college, I came out of my shell a bit but not enough. I made some honest attempts at talking to women, at least way more than I did in high school. There were actually a couple situations in which I could have had a relationship with women or had sex (at least one I knew was interested in me) but none that I was attracted to. And the few attempts I did make to ask women out failed.

    So here I am at 30 and still have no social life and am still a virgin. It baffles me how people have such active social lives, I just don't get it. I honestly don't know how to go from having 0 friends to having friends and a love life. I've let my height really affect my confidence with women and confidence in general. The lack of experience just keeps compacting, it wasn't as bad when I was say 21, but now I feel like some kind of statute of limitations has run out and if it hasn't happened by now that it won't.
    I'm trying to figure out how to turn this around. I want to become a confident man who has close friends and can attract women, I just don't know where to start.



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    Your height is definitely not the problem, but your lack of confidence is because of your lack of social experience.
    I would recommend reading up on a lot of the field reports and of course getting Sinn's seduction road map.
    You also need a wing man. Check at the bottom of the main page for wingmen in your locality.

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    Start with yourself. Build up your self-confidence by taking up a hobby that lets you build self-respect and character as well as improving your physical appearance. Martial arts in general or just going to the gym are good examples.

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    Just know that those things are not going to come easily when you have been avoiding that stuff for so long, cause it sounds to me you are a "hardcase". But make a decision whether you really want this for yourself or not (friends, relationships, success). And then just start really making mad effort to get there. If you are slacking also on your career and health and passions then you need to get that going as well. Go out Friday Saturday and talk to like 1-3 girls on MON-THU, if you can't talk to girls get a wingman and go to some busy street and just break out of it and approach.

    Cut carbs and unnessecary sugars out of your diet, workout 3+ times a week, work hard, research your career options, refine what you are passionate about. Study pickup, dream about what you want to be in 3 years etc. Read non-fiction. That is the general gist of what you need to do, most importantly think for yourself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by IndianaTHX View Post
    Ever since around hitting puberty, I've been struggling socially. It's not that I can't talk to people, it's not that I can't hold conversation or be friendly. People who meet me like me and treat me with respect. I think the problem is more building relationships. As a kid, I was very social, I remember being voted class clown, even. But when the teenage years hit, I felt like I didn't fit in. I was always the small kid (I'm only 5'6") which is no excuse, but it still affected me. I didn't put myself in social situations because I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin, and felt like if I stayed in the background, I wouldn't get mistreated. That was a big mistake and I wish I could kick my past-self in the ass and tell him to man-up. In college, I came out of my shell a bit but not enough. I made some honest attempts at talking to women, at least way more than I did in high school. There were actually a couple situations in which I could have had a relationship with women or had sex (at least one I knew was interested in me) but none that I was attracted to. And the few attempts I did make to ask women out failed.

    So here I am at 30 and still have no social life and am still a virgin. It baffles me how people have such active social lives, I just don't get it. I honestly don't know how to go from having 0 friends to having friends and a love life. I've let my height really affect my confidence with women and confidence in general. The lack of experience just keeps compacting, it wasn't as bad when I was say 21, but now I feel like some kind of statute of limitations has run out and if it hasn't happened by now that it won't.
    I'm trying to figure out how to turn this around. I want to become a confident man who has close friends and can attract women, I just don't know where to start.
    Hey man. Your story looks like it could be mine, or at least a part of it. I can relate to your feeling uncomfortable in social settings. I don't know how dealing with groups of people (that you already know) is for you, but I get in trouble with groups from 3 and up. One on one I can follow and control the conversation, two on one gets harder, three on one and up I'm lost. Then I can no longer follow the conversation, I miss jokes and can't contribute to the conversation, because it seems I'm no longer part of the group - or at least, it feels that way for me. I get little to no response anymore, like I'm not heard. I have a number friends, but I like to control the meetings and keep the groups small.

    Do you have trouble with "small talk"? I do, I just don't "get it". And I've noticed this causes problems in most social settings. With me, for some reason, conversations usually need to have some "depth". Just joking around doesn't work for me. I find talking about everyday day stuff incredibly boring. As a result, I usually distance myself from such interactions. I can't (and don't want to) contribute. Funny thing is, though, that even though I am around while not actively participating, people don't bother to involve me in whatever it is they're doing. How about you? Do you notice the same things?

    I agree with the above that your height should not be holding you back. But I do understand that for you it may feel like a huge limiting factor. My "problem" is that I don't have a very masculine build: I'm pretty slender. The upside of that is that I'm not nearly as fat as many men of my age (37). I've started working out again I try to look as good as I can. Do you work out or do something else to optimize your looks? I've learned that it's important to feel good in your own skin and be comfortable with who you are. Looking good helps with that. There's nothing wrong about wanting to improve yourself, as long as you won't let your current state feel like you're insufficient. Having said that, once again, I can relate to you. Time and time again I interpret a woman's response to me as a negative judgment on me as a person, in stead of her just being a bitch, not friendly, preoccupied, or her just not being suitable for me. I take it personal - and that's counter productive.

    Anyway, didn't want to hijack your topic, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm 37 and, despite having more experience than you and learning, I still feel quite helpless around women when it gets more than just "friendly". So, hang in there, man! I hope you'll get some good pointers here that'll help you get your game on track.

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