Sad Situation. Expert advice needed..
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- 07-24-2014, 08:42 PM #1
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I'm warning you guys this is really messed up. Of course I hope someone has something to offer in suggestion but I totally understand if you dont want to touch it.
Sad Situation. Expert advice needed..
So basically a friend turned me on to the world of PUA back in 2009 or so when I was 29 after being broken up with by a girlfriend of 3 years. I was demoralized and by definition AFC status. I got a hold of Neil Strauss's as well Mystery's book and watched Neil's videos on youtube. I browsed the forums here a little too. The parts I digested at the time gave me confidence and essentially helped my 'inner game'. I didn't turn into a PUA by any stretch but one night I did walk into a local bar one night and randomly pointed out to my friend the girl I felt was the most attractive there (probably a 9 in appearance) and swore I was going to take her home and I did. Every man alive needs to do that at least one time. You have to! Its a great feeling and what you guys do here is great, I dont give a fuck what anyone says.
More importantly than my one night stand, this place gave me enough balls when I joined Facebook in 2010 to tell a girl who was the most beautiful girl I ever saw in my life that she was the most beautiful girl I ever saw in my life. I first met her when I was a freshman in highschool. Of course I was so beta then that she could have very well thought I was into dudes. But man she was just one of those girls that was so attractive that you compare others to. I told her exactly that as soon as she accepted my friend request and let her know that 16 years later she looked every bit as amazing. We hit it off so well she ended up leaving Austin Texas (which she absolutely loved) within 6 months and moved back to the shithole of a city/state we grew up in (Saginaw/MI) and we got married 3 months later in 2011.
We were really happy and we wanted to start a family but my wife had her thyroid removed (before we started dating) and she had problems getting her hormone levels to the right place they need to be to have a baby. I researched the fuck out of all kinds of diets and vitamins and medications and it took a long time but finally in August of 2013 we figured her shit out and bam by October we got her pregnant. We were absolutely thrilled. She endured for 9 months. There were hard parts for her like morning sickness in the first trimester and then as she gained weight it became harder for her to sleep comfortably. For the most part though she had a pretty typical pregnancy and bitched occasionally about never getting pregnant again which is almost obligatory, I'd assume. By the time our daughter was born (June 18th) and my wife saw her little face, it didn't take long for her to immediately comment 'we will have another.' My daughter, I shit you not is so adorable they should make doll molds of her. Even the ob doctor and nurses and hospital staff swear she is the cutest baby they've ever seen. Everyone freaks out when they see her because shes so beautiful. My wife would just sit there and stare at her and obsess and I would stare at them both and obsess. My life was fucking amazing. A month before this I found out that I had been accepted to nursing school, which I had been waitlisted for almost 2 years. Everything was already great and there was every reason to believe that things would get even better.
About 2 weeks later I was up all night with the baby and into early Monday morning and I let my wife sleep. At 7am my daughter finally fell asleep and I just crashed right into bed. My wife woke up at about 8 and said to me 'I think I am going to give McKinley a sponge bath.' She went into the kitchen to get some things and grab some towels. When she returned to our bedroom where I was passed out, she toppled into the bed and said to me 'Paul I cant move my legs, I think I'm having a seizure.' I leaped up and grabbed my phone and called 911. I got her to calm down and she stopped seizing but by the time the EMTs arrived her BP was 210 systolic. By the time I arrived at the hospital her entire left side was paralyzed, she had a facial droop and she could barely talk. Her systolic BP was at 244 and the ER doc informed me that ct scans showed she stroked and had a brain bleed. They had to do an emergency craniotomy. Immediately after surgery, there was some hope, she was stable and able to communicate with hand signs and say a word or two. The next day she was completely out and unresponsive because her brain started swelling. The doctor was hopeful that the swelling would go down. CT scans looked good and he said she might even be able to fully recover. I stayed by her side for a week. Some days were good and others not so good. At one point she actually opened her eyes but then the very next day the swelling increased and they couldn't stop it. The last thing she was able to tell me through communicating with her right hand using sign was 'I love you' She died in my arms two weeks ago on July 10th.
I will be forever fucked up from this. She was my everything. She was my lover and my best friend and my life partner. I'm so incredibly sad and angry. Words really cant express my grief and guilt and how tormented I truly feel right now.
The only thing I can do to get my mind off of this tragic and traumatic shit is to focus on my daughter and her future. Last week I had to fuck with funeral arrangements and this week I have been spending time getting my financial house in order. Everything is just crazy. I have a ton of help and support from friends. People have been above and beyond helpful. Its so hard to explain the way I feel and you would never understand this until you experience it yourself. Its a very lonely feeling and I am in a really dark place but eventually I will be fine and I will persevere for the sake of my daughter.
Now... Please dont judge me for this. I know that one day (obviously not now or even in the foreseeable future) my wife would want me to move on. She would want me to meet a woman who makes me happy and can have a good feminine influence in my daughter's life. My wife was a strong, brilliant and sexy woman. Whoever this hypothetical person is she will have absolutely huge shoes to fill. Like Mystery laments through his book, I want to pick out a quality woman one day in all aspects not just looks.
Heres my thing (again not now but when I am ready) how do I orient myself to meeting women, given my situation and history? I know guys in my situation manage but its like I said if I move on, the lady has to be special. It seems like the regular PUA stuff could potentially come off as a little creepy and insincere once I explain my story you know?
I'm asking has anyone dealt with a situation similar to mine? Trust me when I tell you it wont be a long time before I can be out there in any dating scene but processing ideas on how its possible is a good distraction and calms me down, gives me hope for my baby.
Thanks for any advice you guys might have.
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