Introduction to the Cosmos

Introduction to the Cosmos

Discuss Introduction to the Cosmos at the Introductions within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Introduction to the Cosmos I came across this forum trying to understand the principles of ...

Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Gender:
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Introduction to the Cosmos

    I came across this forum trying to understand the principles of attraction. When I saw several of the "Best of the Forum" posts generally devoted to building the awesome life that women couldn't help but find irresistible, I knew this is a good place to introduce myself.

    The basics: I am 23 years old and recently moved into the suburbs of Missouri. I have a Master's Degree in Mechanical Engineering and I started my first job out of college two months ago as an engineer in the defense sector. I love everything about my job and I have nothing but positive hopes for my career. I took a very "nose-to-the-grindstone" approach to my education, so while I was very involved in a few clubs on campus, I wish I took a more active approach regarding my social life. My personality is as introverted as they come- I would much rather develop a deep connection with a few people than go out and talk to many people- the act of going out and talking to everyone simply does not excite me.

    Knowing next to nothing about using my personality to attract women, I think it's pretty self-explanatory that I am still a virgin. Being a rather religious nature, while the idea of saving myself for marriage is now ridiculous to me, I'm not willing to just stick myself with the first woman who throws herself at me. Still, though, I want to know that I am capable of drawing a woman into my life any time I please, and right now I feel like I have a long journey ahead before I can make that possible.

    My positive aspects:
    • I am highly intelligent: I graduated with top honors from a well-known engineering school. My mind is an extremely valuable asset when it has a goal to reach.
    • I have a strong set of convictions- my opinions are not going to change because of what a woman says. I know what I believe in and I can use them to create a genuine connection.
    • I am highly passionate about music, food, and nature- I am particularly fond of hikes and nature walks; I find them invigorating and they get me away from the hassles of technology. I play two instruments [piano and saxophone] and have been playing them for over a decade, but I do not own my own instruments as of yet. As for cooking, I am only a novice when it comes to creating meals, but I am quite talented when it comes to making chocolates and other decadent desserts.


    My sticking points:
    • Lack of material- As passionate I am about my hobbies, they have been solitary for the most part. From what I've read, stories are really only good when they involve other people to prove my value as a social person. I am a little stuck on how to take the things that I've done and create a story worth telling out of them.
    • My build- While I am an avid fitness enthusiast and love to run, I've been told my numerous guys that I look soft and undeveloped, even with the fact that I work out on a regular basis. I have been messing around with my diet to make sure I get what I need to get leaner and more defined, but it's hard to compete with guys who are my height but have 30-40 pounds of muscle over me (I'm 6'2" and around 165 pounds).
    • Social Anxiety- As I've said before, my mind is incredibly powerful. However, with everything it's done to help me advance my career, it also does a great job of taking me out from the inside. I am only a year removed from having a significant panic attack while taking a simple laboratory class. My anxiety comes from my other sticking points and it makes it impossible to approach people in certain places (I am worse than useless in a bar/nightclub that has a lot of people talking at once in addition to the loud music).
    • I am at risk for depression- while I hesitate to use the term depression because the medical term requires two weeks of symptoms before an official diagnosis can be accounted for, I have had unmistakable signs in 24-hour bursts. I have been in therapy for this and right now I can say the panic attacks and such are behind me, but I know deep down the only way to get past this is to build a life that's so awesome that there would never be a reason to have anxiety problems.
    • Perfectionism- In this competitive age, being absolutely perfect nowadays only puts you in the running. Why would a woman want to be with a guy with no sexual experience and beginner social skills when she can literally handpick 5-10 guys who have amazing stories and bedded scores of women? What do I have to offer?
    • Kino, escalation, taking a woman home- Touching still feels unnatural to me- I've been called a creep enough times to be very hesitant about expressing my physical intentions. I realize now that it's only a matter of good timing and picking up on a woman's intentions, but I have no idea what these intentions look like.
    • I don't have a car in a town that essentially requires one- I started my job after having to burn my savings on living arrangements and getting my Master's degree, not to mention four months trying to find work. I'm starting from the ground up, and this kind of thing can only be solved with time.


    This is my comprehensive list of my qualities, and while reading about pickup has been great to help me distinguish between dominant behaviors and neediness/clinginess, my biggest issue is creating the lifestyle that states that I am truly a prize. This is what I joined the forums before, and I hope you can help me get past these issues.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Gender:
    Age
    31
    Posts
    128
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    I think the feeling of depression results from you thinking "now what?".

    You've been so busy trying to get the goal, the golden cup, the degree so you set aside everything and pursued it at all costs. And once you finally got that, you're not as happy as you thought you'd be. You have a feeling of emptiness because you do not know how to live.

    A fine balance of pursuing a career and learning to live is essential to a healthy state of mind.

    If I were you, I'd try to find pleasures in life out of women or work.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Gender:
    Age
    31
    Posts
    128
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Gender:
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristopherH View Post
    I think the feeling of depression results from you thinking "now what?".

    You've been so busy trying to get the goal, the golden cup, the degree so you set aside everything and pursued it at all costs. And once you finally got that, you're not as happy as you thought you'd be. You have a feeling of emptiness because you do not know how to live.

    A fine balance of pursuing a career and learning to live is essential to a healthy state of mind.

    If I were you, I'd try to find pleasures in life out of women or work.
    To this I say yes and no. I say no because I didn't sacrifice everything to get the degree. I developed several other passions while I was at school- volunteering (especially through Catholic organizations), baking (I can cook basic things, but I'm much more skilled with chocolate and other treats) and especially music (I was in two music clubs all through college, eventually having leadership positions in both of them). I'm also very interested in hiking (any form of nature walk) and dancing classes. Until I get my own car, though, I'm very limited in the places I can actually go to.

    I say yes to what you're saying though because there were plenty of engineers in my school who have the degree and similar jobs to my own, but also lived it up, always had interesting things to share and had no problems getting girlfriends. I feel like I'm constantly lacking something and seeing more accomplished individuals everywhere I look only adds to the frustration. I feel like everyone else has grown up and I'm still that awkward teenager figuring out how life works.

    I'm not looking to lay as many women as possible. I'm looking to have a girlfriend to share experiences with, think about the long-term, and start a family. I know that's extremely far ahead, but women in their 20s probably won't even think about spending a significant amount of time with a man with no sexual experience. I was always told that relationships just come naturally, but seeing my situation now, I simply cannot believe I accepted such a passive way to look at things for so long. The best way to get rid of this anger is to take action now- and it begins by changing everything that I thought about relationships.

    The materials are helping, but a lot of what the PUAs are saying goes directly against my personality type. I am not the type of guy that can enter a room and instantly start talking to people. I have a rough time leading conversations. I'd rather take an interest in people and have them talk about themselves, but all the books state that showing interest only lowers a guy's value. A radical change like this is going to take a lot of time, and I'm not even sure how to take the first steps.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Gender:
    Age
    31
    Posts
    128
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by CosmosFrontier View Post
    ...

    I say yes to what you're saying though because there were plenty of engineers in my school who have the degree and similar jobs to my own, but also lived it up, always had interesting things to share and had no problems getting girlfriends. I feel like I'm constantly lacking something and seeing more accomplished individuals everywhere I look only adds to the frustration. I feel like everyone else has grown up and I'm still that awkward teenager figuring out how life works.

    ...
    Like I said, "You have a feeling of emptiness because you do not know how to live". You never learned how to live.

    You may consider yourself smart or if you're confident- a genius... intellectually, but emotionally and socially I feel like you're still a kid.

    Now you know the problem. Go fix it.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Gender:
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristopherH View Post
    Like I said, "You have a feeling of emptiness because you do not know how to live". You never learned how to live.

    You may consider yourself smart or if you're confident- a genius... intellectually, but emotionally and socially I feel like you're still a kid.

    Now you know the problem. Go fix it.
    I'm going to admit, hearing the words "you do not know how to live" are hard to process without being defensive, considering how loaded the word live is, but trying to defend myself would only be childish. I've known about the problem for a while, and finding a solution has been difficult.

    For the first time, I now own a car, meaning I don't have to travel for over an hour just to get anywhere. I have my own independent way of moving around and I'm ready for the next challenges!

    What, in your opinion, is the difference between someone in my situation and someone that you feel has lived? Is there an objective threshold to gauge emotional and social maturity? Is it measured by how many times you go out or how many "unforgettable" experiences you've had? When does one know that he's capable of handling any social test/situation that comes one's way?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Gender:
    Age
    31
    Posts
    128
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by CosmosFrontier View Post
    I'm going to admit, hearing the words "you do not know how to live" are hard to process without being defensive, considering how loaded the word live is, but trying to defend myself would only be childish. I've known about the problem for a while, and finding a solution has been difficult.

    A general life rule is... If you think there's a problem, there's a good chance there is.

    For the first time, I now own a car, meaning I don't have to travel for over an hour just to get anywhere. I have my own independent way of moving around and I'm ready for the next challenges!

    What, in your opinion, is the difference between someone in my situation and someone that you feel has lived? Is there an objective threshold to gauge emotional and social maturity? Is it measured by how many times you go out or how many "unforgettable" experiences you've had? When does one know that he's capable of handling any social test/situation that comes one's way?
    I don't think life can defined in a quantified sense. There's too many factors, a simple one is that some people can soak in a lot more information in one setting, where as others require repeated exposure to an environment. At this point, If I were you, wouldn't try to understand myself but rather just go with my instinct and gut - "go with the flow". Don't care for inconvenience, pursue what you want. Some people call that a "yes man", I wouldn't go that far. Be a "yes man" at your discretion. If you're hungry go eat, don't suppress the feeling because you have no food in the fridge and don't want to drive. If you ordered a large coffee and the cashier brought you a medium, let her know she got it wrong. If you want to go for a drive, grab your keys and get going, don't wait till the next morning. That's a natural process of your mind telling your body what you are capable of fulfilling your wants, that's the first step to happiness I truly believe. Listen to yourself, you know? Give what your body wants.

    Read some books on philosophy, ways of lifes... not necessarily religion. Look up Taoism, Confoucism, etc. And take everything you hear or read in stride. I don't think it's healthy to change a state of mind from one sitting. No piece of writing should change a man in an instant.

    This is something you have to work on over the decades.

Similar Threads

  1. FNB's introduction
    By FNB in forum Introductions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-03-2008, 08:23 PM
  2. Introduction:
    By thewatcher in forum Introductions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-08-2006, 05:08 PM
  3. Just an Introduction
    By Artemis in forum Introductions
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-22-2006, 12:42 PM
  4. Introduction
    By Gdoctor in forum Introductions
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-22-2006, 12:39 PM

Visitors found this page by searching for:

Nobody landed on this page from a search engine, yet!
SEO Blog

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions



Facebook  Twitter