Coming out the an AFC.

(My title explained, everyone expects me to be the one with the 10s as i got alot of interest from women when i was younger and picked up a few good women, but i think thats more a reflection of how poor their game is as opposed to how good mine is!im pretty much as afc as the next bloke)

Hi Guys so my turn has come time to spill my guts and tell all, i'll try to keep it succinct...and bearable. Looking forward to everybodys feedback, positive comments and advice.
SO.......34 yrs, average looking ,(though mates have said im the good looking oneof the group!) 6ft2inches bit of a beer belly these days but otherwise not a bad specimen i suppose.
So my journey starts when i was mid twenties i had the childhood sweetheart come back into my life and basically throw herself at me, she was def an 8 if not 9 and along with our history as school friends blah blah i gave her a 10.
THis was waaaay before i had any idea about game, women, attraction etc.. infact i was more interested in meditation, enlightenment, buddhism etc, i was trying to find a path i could follow, (my family had broken up when i was young and had left me with a lot of questions about the point of life blah blah.) Did she find that attractive?
Anyway i was smitten, my whole interest in "lifes" bigger questions went out the door as i devoted my entiree time to her. I assumed i had found the one and that i would marry, have kids and live happily ever after.i had become a dog for her.Safest to say it went pretty downhill fast , i wont bore you with the details but essentially i probably did all the afc things that would drive her away, in addition i had to cope with her non stop attention fest from other guys,her manipulative ways and so on, it was a nightmare. in sure now i would have handled it all alot better,maybe!
Anyhow back to the present, this first r.ship has coloured my whole outlook on life ever since, i never really got any proper answers from her as to why it all went bad and why eventually she cut off communications.
Not only that being married for the last 7 years, she again tried to get in contact with me as it was breaking up to see if she could resume things with me again. i was tempted even though she treated me like a piece of shit back in the day .This girl is/was definitely a handful , but i ended up fucking her whilst she was still married to this dude untill i cut it off,i just couldnt handle the old emotions coming up again and general messyness of it all.

So between breaking up with her back in my twenties i was really agreived i felt like id wasted my time and my heart on a bitch that didnt deserve what i had to offer. i went on a shagging spree, drinking and one night stands etc.. ive also had a few girlfriends since then but ive never given anyone the same amount of time and attention as i did that first bird as im convinced it will fuck up, dissolve and is ultimately a waste of time.bit of a shame

So thats the background , why do i post it here? well i guess im like all the other guys i want the best pussy out there and theres plenty of it but my thinking is coloured from the past, i dont want to be bitter and cynical about the past but its hard to forget this headfuck episode i went through in my early twenties.
At the same time all the other girlfriends ive had since this one havent really lived up to the looks and personality of that first girl,
A pretty loathsome story i think you'd agree.
Where to go from here???????? On the plus side like i said im not bad looking i enjoy socialising, ive got a decent couple of mates ,supportive family a sense of humour , sense of adventure and openmindedness and so on which must all go in my favour, but at the moment it just isnt adding up to success with the hotties id love to have, Any advice????