Frustrated Rant!

Yes, it was a girl what drove me to this site.
Once more, I got attached. No matter how much I avoid thinking about her, I end up at it. This time is not as bad as before, but I still get butterflies in my stomach the first time of the day I see her. After a little I can manage to control myself. -Um....can I have my body back please!! -Yeah right, like I'm gonna tell her that.

Someone reading what I just wrote might not help but think; jeez!, what a pussy, get over it!
I don't blame you.

But to be honest theres nothing further away from the truth. In fact, If I can call myself something, it'd be the opposite of a pussy.Thats the problem.
I was one, OH yeah, a big one,believe me, but after discovering the game, I became an ass. Literally.

I can probably attribute some of it to my "initiator," David D, you know the cocky and funny stuff.... Well I didn't picked up that stuff too well. I was cocky(way too much), but far from funny. and blah blah blah, Im sure you've heard the same story before.

Anyways that was almost 2 years ago. All this time I've read a few books , watched a few videos and learned the basic principles. I have become a "spectator" I know it all and yet I fail to put it to practice.
My wall was the material. I just couldn't shoot canned material left and right, doesn't come natural.

Now, my wall is the awareness. I walk on the street and I don't look a t the women, at all. In fact I ignore them. If she is hot the more I do, I know that works, but.. If she doesn't know I even exist how is she gonna know I don't give a crap she is a perfect 10 and I'm not paying attention to her????
Well try telling that to my subconscious.!

I walk straight, chest out, slow movements, some old friends have hinted I look a little gay, I don't fucking care.

I value myself too much, don't give a crap about no bitch, whore. In fact thats how I call them in my head, whores. Don't meant it with hate or disdain but still, the word is a little......too much.

I've developed a certain contempt. Like I said I don't feel hate or disdain towards them, and when I am addressed I respond warm and kindly, not too much though. Good eye contact, slow firm, manly voice.
I still fail miserably to calibrate my negs. I find myself negging 7s and 8s. I've learned to say them with a big smile, but sometimes is a little over the top.

(I remember, not too long ago, I screwed a 100% secure kiss close with a ""I wouldn't put my mouth there"" when she offered her drink, and forgot to laugh afterwards and say "I'm kidding, jeez are you always so uptight??relax" or anything like that)

So basically, I don't make approaches, at all. My ego is too big, too high, maybe too fragile, thats my problem.

I have become obsessed with the power women have over us men.
Like a hot Blondie with a short miniskirt walking down the street, with her long bare legs and her sensual, paused, movements can magically hypnotize a crowd...... Well I refuse!! why can't we do the same...maybe if we looked like Brad Pit.... Anyways the good news is we can Hypnotize their minds with our personalities, which is just as good, if not better, though it requires a little more work.

Getting back to the main point; My game lacks any structure or meaning, in fact I don't have any game. I just follow my subconscious rule: Do not show interest, ignore, neg.
Surprisingly enough this has kinda worked sometimes. The fact that I part-time as a valet parking makes it a lot easier for me, cause I get approached a LOT by hot girls(to go get their cars of course.)

Anyways Thats how I met this girl, to me, a perfect 9. She works in the front desk of the hotel so our jobs relate somehow, and we see each other a few times a day.
The first time I saw her, I was looking for the bellman cause 4 cars had arrived at the same time and they were checking in. She was all alone, the bellman was having lunch, so she said -it's just me here-.
Oh god, before I could even think, I was throwing a : "Well, you better move your ass man, we got 4 guests checking in, and they all have luggage!"

The poor girls face changed colors, she couldn't believe some stranger had just told her that. For the next days she barely looked at me when talking about work related stuff, and talked to someone else whenever possible.
She even complained at our manager about me for some minor crap.
I knew it was on though.

I don't remember exactly how, but doing some childish stuff like throwing rubber bands at her, and calling her names all in a playful manner seemed to relax her and get her more friendly towards me.
This is when I began to think about her everyday; what was I going to call her and what joke I was gonna do to her next morning....blah blah blah next time I know I'm feeling like a 15 year old kid who's about to kiss a girl.

So a few days ago I came at her and out nothing told her, "I hate you! " Dude I t was SO ON, we were staring at each others eyes, smiling and this whole sexual tension building up, while we were talking around this subject. But it was like if words didn't matter. I guess my lack of experience led me to drop the ball, since I didn't know how to move forward and kiss her.

From that day it was down the hill, I was hooked, and it hurt to admit it.

But what hurts the most is todays encounter. I went to lunch and and she was in the dining hall, all by herself. I sited on her table and if I count all the IOIs she gave me I could fill an industrial trash bag. Yet I failed miserably. At the end she had the impression I was boring, we had nothing to talk(since I refuse to talk about all crappy shits people talk about on dates, what do u do, what are your plans blah blah blah) I had no tricks, no games, no DHV stories, no routines, no nothing. I screwed it.

So Here I linger, feeling a little down, ok , a LOT, and I thought about this forum, and I thought I would pour my rants justs to let it all go.
No particular objective not seeking a response, just a way to release my thoughts. If you find my story amusing, entertaining or pathetic and feel like commenting on it go ahead. I wont read it anyways. Or maybe I will, maybe I'll post some more crap, who knows.

What I have to do, I know, yet its been 2 years and I've done nothing but watch from afar, and this is the result I get, Lost my chance with a beautiful, enjoyable, smart and funny girl who was very much into me. Thats what hurts the most.

AH, Wtf I'll get over it psssss.