Why I'm here (restating the obvious)

Names are unnecessary, I hope. I don't feel at liberty giving much private information online. But if you must know, my visa number is 4356-8812-5555-5555

Now... I'm a registered member since a while back. I found this site after I read The Game in 2006, IIRC. I must admit I haven't read or bought Magic Bullets, but even this is unimportant at this point in time. Bear with me.

I've just gotten back from watching Avatar 3D at the new theater in downtown LA (next to the brand-spanking-new Ritz Carlton hotel). I went with a co-worker, very pretty (warning: this is not one-itis). This is the third time I see the movie, with a third different co-worker, all pretty (told you it wasn't one-itis ). But today it dawned on me. I didn't even bother going for a kiss (K-Close), I knew I was getting nothing of the sort. It's amazing how powerless you feel when you are faced with an enemy for whom you are no match. You feel absurd when you realize the enemy is within.

So tonight, as I laid myself to sleep, I couldn't do it, not on good conscience. This will be the 5th woman in a row I fail to even kiss. I had plans on trying this out with two more, but I'll say screw it. I'm wasting perfectly good money.

So I'll lay out what I am, and especially what I perceive to be my weaknesses, possibly write another post when I've read Magic Bullets, and hopefully follow up once I'm in constant improvement.

I'm a broke college student in his 20s (not many college students who aren't broke though). But I'll say this: money is not an issue. I've never thought otherwise. I have no major debts, and don't plan on getting any (besides getting me through my college education). What I mean, I suppose, is that I don't see why happiness should be tied to your wallet. Money may give many things, happiness is hardly ever one of them.

I *may* have *extreme* approach anxiety. In fact, after reading wikipedia I'm almost convinced I have Asperger's. But see, in 2004 I would've told you psychological evaluations are bullshiat. I should stick to that.

I know nobody beyond the people I work with. In fact, last semester's chemistry class had at least 7 extremely cute girls. I gallantly failed to chat any one of them up, and I especially regret this with my now ex-lab partner, whom I may have had a case of one-itis with.

I have three guy friends. Actually, one and two halves. Compared to them, I (socially) rank as an AFC. I wouldn't mind changing this.

I'm comfortable in my skin (i.e.: weight), I suck at choosing clothes (but I think my latest polos are a safe bet). I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't have a car. I don't go out. With the exception of going out, I'm fairly sure the other three are not needed for getting laid or gaming. Moving on.

I'm a logical beast. Emotion has very little appeal with me. A few girls have told me they can practically smell this on me. I'm very emotionally detached, girls at work who do not know me apparently think I'm simply conceited.

I mentioned I'm going to school? I'm a Physics undergrad and PhD seems to have no financial future so I may phase out to something else, but hopefully something related. I'm trying to learn German. I speak English/Spanish.

I don't go to parties, even when invited by friends. Frankly, I've noticed that social interactions with more than one person seem emotionally draining. It's like the people I interact with add nothing of value to my life, and suck everything right out. I'm not sure if this is normal, and it doesn't feel like it, but I find meaningless chatter well... meaningless.

So to sum this up: I'd like to stop being an AFC, start getting laid and have normal social interactions. I'd like to do this on a budget while continuing to study one of the hardest majors and without getting wasted/stoned/ending up shot.

ah, on that last one, an anecdote: two days ago (2nd time I saw Avatar), I was apparently staring at a woman's breasts, having failed to notice that someone was walking with her. The dude said "What the fuck are you staring at?" and then was going about how he was going to "fuck me up." Well, I pretended to not have noticed him and managed to walk away unscratched, but in hindsight, this was incredibly stupid of me. In fact, I may be wholly socially retarded.