Thread: Long Distance and Interest.

Long story short, a friend of a friend came into town from half way across the country. I had never met, seen or talked to this girl before.
We all hung out just about everyday for a week and half, she turned out to be a real cute and interesting girl, things with her and I progressed and we eventually slept together.

I drove her to airport, she wanted to talk about what the last week meant, and we decided it was just a little fling. We talked about how neither was looking for anything more, etc etc. So we kissed a few times and she went home.

Since then we've texted once, but that's about it.

So, I have no desire to date this girl from half way across the country and she stated that she has no interest in a boyfriend of any kind right now, but I do know that I'll see her again a few more times this year so I don't want to junk the whole thing either.

I'd like to keep the level of interest we had in one another for when I see her next, but this is my first experience in trying to maintain this type of interest with someone who is so far away.

Also, to make things harder, talking via cell phone is not an option for her for various reasons so texting and Facebook is about all I have to work with.

Anyone have some advice on this? I've never been the best at 'text game' because when I can't hear or see the response, I find myself wondering if I'm annoying the girl. I know that's bad inner-game mojo.

My plan was to send her a text once every couple weeks to mention something we can both relate to. But again, this is my first experience with this kind of thing and I don't want to come off as needy by being the one that continuity sends texts and gets one word responses.

Anyway, any advice on this would be welcome. If I need to chalk this up to a one time experience then that's cool, but I'd rather try to keep myself and the fun we had in her head for a few months until we see each other again. Thanks guys.

Personally, I would totally move on. Let her do all the work to maintain a connection if she wants it.

If you make a conscious effort to keep things going, it can easily be viewed as you having nothing better going on in your life.

You guys agreed that it was just a fling, so why are you trying to make it more? If you can show that you are okay with just a fling, and don't need to maintain any "connection", it will be your best chance for maintaining an attraction. You might make her regret sleeping with you if you can't just let it be.

When you see her again, you will likely have to go through the whole attraction/comfort/seduction process again, and if you guys are on the same page at that time, you may have another fling.

If she's into you, she'll put in the effort to keep things going. If not, she just wanted a fling.

Hey Armo, thanks for the response.

I have moved on, I'm not singularly focused on this girl at all, but I don't see the problem with trying to stay in touch. I can understand the idea of seeming needy by getting in touch with her, but I can also see her interest level fading away if I don't stay in touch.

This is more a question about what to do to keep that comfort stage type level going for a few months until we see each other again.

I can completely see having to run through the whole process again...

But I also think there should be some way, through minimal communication, to keep me and the good times we had in her mind.

Maybe not though.

I see what you're saying.

I also felt the same way, that if I didn't keep the connection alive, things would die out.

Here's the problem I found - if I act in a way that I am trying to keep the connection alive, I'm also communicating to her that I'm worried she won't keep it going.

Personally, I'd rather give the woman a great experience to the point where she is always trying to get more of me.

Staying in touch with her is not a problem. Staying in touch with her so that she doesn't forget you / maintains the connection is a problem. The issue is not the communication, its the motive. And no matter how hard you try, women will always be able to smell your true intentions. Always (eventually).

Ok, that does make a lot of sense Armo, thanks again...

But then, how do people juggle multiple girls? How do you folks keep options alive?

I guess part of me thinks not trying to keep a solid connection just because I might not see this girl for sometime is the same as focusing on one girl...

If I go out this weekend and meet a new girl, suddenly I'm just to focus on her? What if I meet 2 girls? Shouldn't there be a way for me to keep and build the connection with both?

Is this just a matter of her being so far away?

I hope some other people can give their perspective... multiple POVs will help you figure it out. I may me wrong too.

If I were to go out and meet a new girl, I would interact with her as I normally would any other girl. Personally, I don't like to use the word "focus on her". I would go out, have a fun time, and she can focus on me if she likes.

If I went out and met two girls, I would have fun with both of them. You never know which one turns out to be quality. (Most likely, neither of them) I like to take the same approach as women in this case. Just because I met a couple of people doesn't mean I have to pick between them. Pursue the friendships on both ends, and whatever happens happens.

And, Is this just a matter of her being far away? I don't think so. It's an issue of what you guys discussed. You have to be congruent with what you said before. If you actually wanted something more than just a fling, it was your responsibility to communicate that earlier. Now that you've said you're cool with just a fling, but you act differently, she will feel manipulated.

There's nothing wrong with wanting different things (fling, casual, open rel, dating, blah blah), but you also have to be willing to stand behind what you say and not worry if she'll accept it or not. If she does, great. If not, then she wasn't meant for you anyways.

But once again, seek out other people's advice too, my perspective is only one part of the picture.

Ok, I hear you. That does make sense. I really don't want to seem (or end up) hung up on this one girl.

No doubt it was just a fling to both of us.

I was hoping to find someway to keep in casual contact with her. However I can see myself as coming off as needy and coming off as though I'm fishing for her to keep responding. I don't want that. But I also don't want to over-read into sending a simple 'hey, how have you been? text message... Can it be that bad?

Thanks again Armo, but yes, I wouldn't mind some other thoughts on this.

How about you give her a call once a month but no more (based on nothing but my own guess) to see 'what's up'.


the other option is to really just cut it off and have her on facebook or something, and only contact her if you happen to be in her neighborhood.

Riopua, thanks.

Calling isn't an option. She owes a ton of money to her cell phone service to she had to switch to a local only plan... But she gets free texts, and of course has email and such.

So generally I'm on the same page with you as far as wanting to say hello once or twice a month, however it would have to be via text or email...

But so far I'm not convinced that's a good idea, even though I'd like to believe it is. But then again I don't see the harm either... If she's already off me, what harm is a text or two going to do?

well, okay, it's a bit of bad oneitis that you're putting this much thought into how to game this girl (and, I'm going through a bit of the same situation too).

Having said that, i'd stick to text messaging, in a 'group text message' kind thing, so you keep it light and low pressure since it's (assumed) you're texting a bunch of people on a friendly level. Then if she replies, u can or not engage in a bit more personal sms-ing (or, better yet, from a game perspective, dont respond).

Chatting her up on fb chat could also be a good(better) option but you shouldn't use both. I think the main thing here is to evoke nice friendly feelings but also keep it distant enough that you don't build too much of a friend (as in LJBF) vibe. There's a thread here about not falling into the LJBF, and it basically implies to cut off contact, and if you do contact her or she contacts you, keep it short and always cut out first (hey it was nice chatting but i gotta go).

Disclaimer: I'm new to the game.