Thread: Why bring my sense of humour into it?

Hi gents

I've been hanging out with this girl I know for a while now. We knew each other from a contract we both worked last year and decided to stay in touch. At first we just hung out with other mutual friends we knew through work, and then, recently we've started seeing each other alone.

Pretty tame 'dates' to be fair. Just the odd drink after work, or lunch-time together because we're both real busy people and finding any time that we're both available is seriously hard. TBH at first I took her availability (or lack of it) to be a sign she wasn't interested, but she has gone to some effort to rearrange meetings that haven't happened recently, and when we do meet she seems really into me (all the tell-tail signs of wanting to tell me she's into me without actually saying it)...

She bailed on me again this weekend due to a family issue, which I'm choosing to believe for now because she promptly rearranged our date for Monday lunchtime.

My first observation is that she is rearranging everything I organise... And when she does rearrange them they are to lunchtime, or drinks after work in the same old places... Does anyone think this is a control thing on her part? Perhaps a security thing that she's not so comfortable with me yet so she chooses 'safe' times and familiar venues?

OK, my next observation is a text conversation I've just had with her. Now, this is going to sound odd, but please bare with me and focus on what's important her. My personal occupation would require a lot of explanation which I'm not going to go into, but we were having a conversation by text message around the subject of Mongolian ram's testicle soup. I was saying that I like it very much and I'm surprised she doesn't like balls. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this (or maybe you cant... no matter).

The conversation culminates when she accuses me of having poor taste. To which I reply, "Poor taste! Hey, I like you don't I?"

To which she immediately responds, " i think u like me,but you have a strange sense of humour so i think i ought 2 b on guard! x"

Now this is my confusion. Is that a change of topic if ever I saw one! Or do you think she means something else?

I'm really struggling to read into the line "you have a strange sense of humour so i think i ought 2 b on guard!". What could she mean? Any ideas?

Thanks in advance.

basically, she is reading you like a book

My first observation is that she is rearranging everything I organise... And when she does rearrange them they are to lunchtime, or drinks after work in the same old places... Does anyone think this is a control thing on her part? Perhaps a security thing that she's not so comfortable with me yet so she chooses 'safe' times and familiar venues?

It could be a control issue, or it could not. Either way, by always being available EVERY time she rearranges on you- simply put, you are showing too much availability. By having an active social life and by being passionate about hobbies or activities which you will not break on account of her, you demonstrate higher value and convey non-neediness. Also, going out to the "same old places" all the time makes your activities with her routine- routine is boring. Tell her you're tired of going to the same venues all the time and take her somewhere different.''

To which I reply, "Poor taste! Hey, I like you don't I?"

seems defensive and slightly supplicating. Also, I'm just not a fan of conveying interest via text. You can't demonstrate confident body language or tonality via text- those are extremely helpful for properly delivering SOIs.

Now this is my confusion. Is that a change of topic if ever I saw one! Or do you think she means something else? I'm really struggling to read into the line "you have a strange sense of humour so i think i ought 2 b on guard!". What could she mean? Any ideas?

If you ever find yourself struggling to understand what a girl is try to convey or overanalyzing her sentences- safest bet is to just cut the thread and move on

Now, having said that, I would personally read that as "I like you, buuuuut i want to make sure you like me. So here's a cute little test."

You have many options with how to respond to this. Just make sure its congruent with your established frame. And please don't go all AFC and "ofcourse I like you! golly, you're just so gosh darn swell!" AFCs jump through hoops and become less of a challenge hence less attractive.

You are pussing out on showing any sexual interest and are trying to timidly sexualize the conversation. She's pointing that out.

Escalate already.

Originally Posted by CoyoteIrish

It could be a control issue, or it could not. Either way, by always being available EVERY time she rearranges on you- simply put, you are showing too much availability. By having an active social life and by being passionate about hobbies or activities which you will not break on account of her, you demonstrate higher value and convey non-neediness.

Of course. It actually takes about three of four attempts normally to get the date on because either we're working, or I'm training, or she's hanging out with her girls. We're both ridiculously stubborn about not changing our usual gym times too, so that always comes into play. Basically, I think I'm still holding fort here... (perhaps only just) Haha!

Originally Posted by CoyoteIrish

seems defensive and slightly supplicating. Also, I'm just not a fan of conveying interest via text. You can't demonstrate confident body language or tonality via text- those are extremely helpful for properly delivering SOIs.

Oh hey, sure. I've never had a problem with confidence around her, and, given the frame of this conversations, and others, I don't think I lost anything in saying what I said then. It's not subtle for sure, but it won't have come as a surprise - plenty of similar things have been said in person.

Originally Posted by CoyoteIrish

If you ever find yourself struggling to understand what a girl is try to convey or overanalyzing her sentences- safest bet is to just cut the thread and move on

Well it was. I just wanted to put it out there for the interpretation of the masses... or rather... the combined minds of the guys here (like your kind self).

Originally Posted by CoyoteIrish

Now, having said that, I would personally read that as "I like you, buuuuut i want to make sure you like me. So here's a cute little test."

You have many options with how to respond to this. Just make sure its congruent with your established frame. And please don't go all AFC and "ofcourse I like you! golly, you're just so gosh darn swell!" AFCs jump through hoops and become less of a challenge hence less attractive.

Pfff would I ever! Haha! For your interest my reply was "Hmmm... Strange? I prefer 'refined' X"

Met her today actually! She was quick ask if she had offended me with the comment. Interesting I thought that she had continued to think about it... but oh well... Anyway, I just opened into a barrage of bad jokes, which she politely laughed at. It served as our ice-breaker and the rest of the date was 'quite satisfactory'

Cheers guys

It served as our ice-breaker and the rest of the date was 'quite satisfactory'

rock on man

its really difficult what a girl is thinking when she says something... best you watch out for any falling-out signs...