Thread: youve had sex with a girl, SHE invites you to go out, then flakes? how to prevent?

i'm dealing with an extremely flaky girl. we've had sex 3 times and when we go out or have text conversations, she's all over me and we have a great time and we say we're going to hang out often.

then she'll text me asking to do something, and cancel at the last minute. the last time she texted me during the day 'let's hang out tonight' and then her phone was off all night. i know from facebook she was out on a girls night so she wasn't cheating with a bunch of dudes, but still she wouldn't flake on brad pitt for a girls night.

after this i decided i was done with her. then my friends saw her out and said she was asking all about me. now she contacts me:

hb9: when are you inviting me to nyc?

how would you respond to that to let her know i don't appreciate/won't put up with the flaking ?

Don't mention the flaking directly. Just plan for it.

Next time you're doing something amazing, invite her. Make sure it's something you'd have fun doing w/o her. If she doesn't come, you still have fun.

Don't make a big deal about it, either. A simple, "We're doing this. You are invited" is enough.

As for HER inviting YOU out and then flaking , go ahead and commit---but again, have a backup plan. I actually took a book to one girl's house, just in case I needed to freeze her out (can be very hard on someone else's turf, btw).

i was thinking of responding:

'honestly no offense but i'll probably just invite a girl that will show up '

because that's the truth. do you think that's good?

If you are going along those lines, I wouldn't be apologetic about it.

I'm dealing with a slightly flaky girl myself. There are a tons of reasons why a girl flakes , some less to do with you than others.

1) she genuinely has something else going on that takes priority

2) She's trying to play hard to get because she felt too easy last time you were together

3) She has you as a backup plan. Attractive women love doing this.

These are the three scenarios I have dealt with.

Originally Posted by gooer

i'm dealing with an extremely flaky girl. we've had sex 3 times and when we go out or have text conversations, she's all over me and we have a great time and we say we're going to hang out often.

then she'll text me asking to do something, and cancel at the last minute. the last time she texted me during the day 'let's hang out tonight' and then her phone was off all night. i know from facebook she was out on a girls night so she wasn't cheating with a bunch of dudes, but still she wouldn't flake on brad pitt for a girls night.

after this i decided i was done with her. then my friends saw her out and said she was asking all about me. now she contacts me:

hb9: when are you inviting me to nyc?

how would you respond to that to let her know i don't appreciate/won't put up with the flaking?

Here's how you deal with flakes without it affecting you; when a girl says on Tuesday "let's hang out this Friday" say "ok i'll give you call and we'll figure it out later".

Friday around 1pm give her a call to make plans. If she doesn't pick up leave her a message that says:

"hey this is xxx was going to see if you wanted to hang out tonight. Just gimme a call back before five or so, if not we can just hang out another time. have fun!"

Sound nice and not like you're being mr. "hard-ass" with her but just giving her the information of if you don't call me by five you're making other plans.

If she calls before then great, make plans to meet at a specific place at a time and you're fine. If she doesn't call back before five, make other plans and keep them.

Originally Posted by Basically Yes

Here's how you deal with flakes without it affecting you; when a girl says on Tuesday "let's hang out this Friday" say "ok i'll give you call and we'll figure it out later".

Friday around 1pm give her a call to make plans. If she doesn't pick up leave her a message that says:

"hey this is xxx was going to see if you wanted to hang out tonight. Just gimme a call back before five or so, if not we can just hang out another time. have fun!"

Sound nice and not like you're being mr. "hard-ass" with her but just giving her the information of if you don't call me by five you're making other plans.

If she calls before then great, make plans to meet at a specific place at a time and you're fine. If she doesn't call back before five, make other plans and keep them.

problem is i keep doing this, and it's happened a couple of times. she knows i'm going out with other friends and i act completely unphased that she flakes . i've probably gotten her to come out 3 times out of 8 times we've established to go out and i've gotten with her all 3 times.

i'm just wondering if there's any sort of method to mess with her head to get her to stop being so flaky. some of her female friends have told me shes flaky with them though.

she's not the only girl i'm seeing right now, last time she flaked i actually f closed with another girl. so it's not that big of a deal, but i actually like her personality, shes good in bed, great looking, etc. (i know no ones a special snowflake but it doesn't hurt).

Originally Posted by gooer

problem is i keep doing this, and it's happened a couple of times. she knows i'm going out with other friends and i act completely unphased that she flakes . i've probably gotten her to come out 3 times out of 8 times we've established to go out and i've gotten with her all 3 times.

i'm just wondering if there's any sort of method to mess with her head to get her to stop being so flaky. some of her female friends have told me shes flaky with them though.

she's not the only girl i'm seeing right now, last time she flaked i actually f closed with another girl. so it's not that big of a deal, but i actually like her personality, shes good in bed, great looking, etc. (i know no ones a special snowflake but it doesn't hurt).

If you call her at 1pm telling her to "contact you by 5 or you're making other plans" then you shouldn't care if she doesn't call back; but you do care because you think she's somehow special--you've put her on a pedestal.

On the times where she doesn't call you back you can be sure that she still went out and had a good time. She's treating you like an option, you should think of her the same way. If she doesn't call back then just contact a different girl or go out with your buddies.

If you feel like you really need to say something I would bring it up in a humorus way saying "cool we can hang on Friday, but if you flake on me again I'm going to punch your cat (or something applicable)". You can get your point across in a way that doesn't make it awkward by just saying it jest.

Originally Posted by Basically Yes

If you call her at 1pm telling her to "contact you by 5 or you're making other plans" then you shouldn't care if she doesn't call back; but you do care because you think she's somehow special--you've put her on a pedestal.

On the times where she doesn't call you back you can be sure that she still went out and had a good time. She's treating you like an option, you should think of her the same way. If she doesn't call back then just contact a different girl or go out with your buddies.

If you feel like you really need to say something I would bring it up in a humorus way saying "cool we can hang on Friday, but if you flake on me again I'm going to punch your cat (or something applicable)". You can get your point across in a way that doesn't make it awkward by just saying it jest.

you're right. it sounds like going out is more important to me than it is to her but i have never communicated this to her/given any signs that this might be the case.

there's about a 95 percent chance i'm going to next this girl, but the situation stands as her asking when we're going going to meet up again and me not yet replying.

i really dont want to set up plans yet again to get flaked, it's a major DLV and since i'm ready to drop it i'm willing to take a little bit of a risk.

i'm thinking along the lines of 'im just going to get someone else to go with me'

perhaps - 'ha im just going to call a girl that will show up'

or does that sound too needy/bitter to you? i said something along these lines before (she said 'give me a call this weekend' and i said 'i would call you but it never works out' and she said something like 'i promise it will work out!')

Originally Posted by gooer

you're right. it sounds like going out is more important to me than it is to her but i have never communicated this to her/given any signs that this might be the case.

there's about a 95 percent chance i'm going to next this girl, but the situation stands as her asking when we're going going to meet up again and me not yet replying.

i really dont want to set up plans yet again to get flaked, it's a major DLV and since i'm ready to drop it i'm willing to take a little bit of a risk.

i'm thinking along the lines of 'im just going to get someone else to go with me'

perhaps - 'ha im just going to call a girl that will show up'

or does that sound too needy/bitter to you? i said something along these lines before (she said 'give me a call this weekend' and i said 'i would call you but it never works out' and she said something like 'i promise it will work out!')

This is a good example of why it's a good idea for a guy to have a lot of options. If you had 6 other girls that were just as hot, then when she didn't call you by 5 you wouldn't care because you'd have many others to go to. You wouldn't even be irritated that she didn't call back!

She would see that it doesn't bother you when she doesn't contact you and that's a turn on because it means you have other options and are pre-selected and therefore she would be less likely to flake in the future . Kind of funny how that works.

If you give a bitter response it clues in that you don't have better options and could be a turn off...but at the same time if you use humor to convey your message in a laid back non-bitter way then it could also cut down on the flaking as well. You just have to use your descretion. You don't have to next her or be rude/bitter to her in any way, just don't treat her as a priority because she's not treating you like one.

Treat people good and be nice, but don't let them take advantage of you or affect your "inner game ".

Originally Posted by Basically Yes

This is a good example of why it's a good idea for a guy to have a lot of options. If you had 6 other girls that were just as hot, then when she didn't call you by 5 you wouldn't care because you'd have many others to go to. You wouldn't even be irritated that she didn't call back!

She would see that it doesn't bother you when she doesn't contact you and that's a turn on because it means you have other options and are pre-selected and therefore she would be less likely to flake in the future . Kind of funny how that works.

If you give a bitter response it clues in that you don't have better options and could be a turn off...but at the same time if you use humor to convey your message in a laid back non-bitter way then it could also cut down on the flaking as well. You just have to use your descretion. You don't have to next her or be rude/bitter to her in any way, just don't treat her as a priority because she's not treating you like one.

Treat people good and be nice, but don't let them take advantage of you or affect your "inner game".

you're right. thanks for the advice. i'm not gonna respond. i know you said don't be rude or next her, but i was unphased at her not hanging out like 4 times, and i stopped calling her after 2 times. no point in continuing to make plans.