Discuss Just got dumped... Again at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Just got dumped... Again
I didn't know where to put this, mods if you find ...
Just got dumped... Again
I didn't know where to put this, mods if you find a better place go ahead.
I found the PUA community somewhen in May 2008. It has helped tremendously in overcoming a dry period of over 5 years with no real female partner let alone sex.
The first few months after my PUA studies were a blast. I actually opened girls in buses and malls etc. I found me a nice girl, we'll call her Girl #1, and had a great relationship including sex everything. It lasted 3 months but gradually declined. We both sensed that we were losing interest and she was the one who finally called it out. I was kinda devastated afterward, not because I lost her specifically but out of fear that I am destined to be alone. Again.
After breaking up with girl #1 I felt I was gradually losing my newly gained Pick Up skills. I didn't open any girls, no cold approaches, nothing. It was only 4 months after, when I by accident went to this party that I found another girl, we'll call her Girl #2. Note: I say by accident because I'm a loner by nature, I don't have any real friends and I don't enjoy the company of other people so pubs and clubs are off limits for me..
Only I didn't approach Girl #2 PUA style. I was acting like a total AFC and told a female friend of mine that I'm interested in her. Yep, like a 4th grader. My "pivot" got girl #2 to come over and sit next to me and from there it went smooth (I felt alot more confident once she showed up because it saved me the fear of rejection). Long story short, we had a great time together, had great sex, felt the whole thing was much better than the previous relationship with Girl #1, etc.
But here again comes the 3 months mark. Again the feeling of mutually growing disinterest after 2 great months. Its like there's no control over it. Again I was wondering when should I break up with her. And again - the girl does it before I do.
This brings up several questions. I'd like to know what you guys think of them:
1. What is it that makes relationships stall after only 3 months? How do you overcome that?
2. Why do I feel like shit and all alone in the world even though *I* wanted to dump them as well?
3. After this ordeal the LAST thing on my mind is pick up and girls. I'm beginning to develop serious antagonism towards women and especially their selfishness. What can I do to counter this? 3. What is the best way to overcome this feeling?
4. On a contradictory note - how in spite of this can I still maintain my PUA skills, or at least regenerate them?
Thank you for your help, it is greatly appreciated.
PS english is not my native tongue, I apologize for any errors.
Are these girls social, or introverted?
After the initial getting to know them, what happens where you're losing interest? Are there signs there's problems and is there anything in your personality that causes you to push them away?
There's a lot of things that say "stay away" in your comments... being a loner, avoiding crowds or being comfortable in a crowd and having to be social.
You felt bad because you were rejected and for whatever reason, didn't have it in you to walk out of it.
Overcoming it takes work.
As someone who can be introverted, shy, antisocial, you have to change your mindset, when you have the girl, you have to get to know as much as possible about her, especially the small details so you can blow her mind when you remember something that every ex boyfriend would overlook and neglect. When the relationship is fading, you need to create the spark and snap out of the routine you're in.
In your case I'd recommend dating different girls and take time towards working towards a relationship and spreading it out. You'll have a variety, no one gets hurt, and you pick and choose who and when and go "girl a would hate this, but girl b would absolutely love it".
Your relationship didn't work out, this happens all the time and shouldn't be over analyzed. Go meet other girls and keep an open mind about improving yourself and you'll be on the right track.
Everyones an expert--few are experienced.
Best worst quotes:
Originally Posted by Ackustic
Originally Posted by HoNLeX
read Savoy's writings on relationship management...very insightful
i cant advice much because i m into the short game..but i know one day my time will also come.
Read your own comment again. And again. It may not be the only problem but it certainly is a big one.
Originally Posted by ShrimpEr
What being 'a loner' imposes:
1) No social networking -> reduced chances of survival.
2) No friends, companies, etc -> no fun in your life. Why would someone want to be around you?
3) No social interactions -> low social intelligence.
Plus, if you are a loner, there is a good chance that you also suffer in many other aspects, like your style, your humor, your conversational skills, etc. Not everyone can be as cool and socially proofed as Mystery, but you are stating that you don't like the company of other people. You should take some time to think why is that.
But if you are as antisocial as your post implies, you may need more than just pick-up advice.
My situation is nearly identical to yours. I have been a "loner" for many periods of my life - ironically, I have had a few periods where I was very social and outgoing - and actually enjoyed it! Working this out is not as hard as you may believe. Everyone has needs for "alone time" and for "social time". Here is what has helped me:
1. Get plenty of alone time, but spend it well- don't just mull around watching tv and being depressed that you aren't getting laid at the moment. You like being alone because at a young age you had to learn how to entertain yourself. So use your independence (frame it as a good thing rather than a negative like "loner") to make the kind of life you want - go to art galleries, go hiking, whatever you enjoy doing, but make the time you spend with yourself awesome. It will supercharge your inner game.
2. You make comments about not enjoying people. Stop it. I used to say that all the time until I realized that I don't hate everything about everyone. I hate the BS that you have to put up with around many folks, but becoming a great pua solves that. My guess is that you would really like being around people if it meant literally sitting around doing exactly what you wanted to do, surrounded by beautiful women clawing their way into your bed - it's not people you dislike, but the role you have accepted in social scenes.
3. I do the 3 month thing too with girlfriends. You are probably dating the first girl that will give you the time of day, without really considering how much you enjoy her company. The truth is that having girlfriends kind of sucks after the novelty of the sex wears off if you are just supplicating to them, adjusting to their life instead of making them adjust to your reality. You probably give up a lot to be with those girls, and end up resenting them for it once you get used to the pussy. What if you had multiple LTR's who were bisexual? What if you set down the rule that you would spend 2 days a week with her, and the rest of the time doing whatever you damn well please? There are absolutely no rules to relationships, only the ones you can set up in the beginning. Your experiences can change, if you start dating someone you really truly enjoy and do it on your own terms!
4. Roll back the clock. Find that place that led you to begin learning game and having so much fun doing it. Concentrate on those aspects, and don't feel obligated or that you are just there to get into another lame, depressing 3 month relationship. Don't focus on results, and don't start dating the first girl that says yes. Practice filtering and qualifying girls - this is what you are really missing. Make it about you, finding girls who are just right for you, who you can get to be that kind of partner you never thought was possible. I would write down your goals, and write down exactly what it would take for you to be pleased, to enjoy the company of women and social scenes - if that means orgies with bisexual hb10's where you spank them and make them crawl on the floor to serve you sandwiches, so be it - you came to the right place to make it happen.
The world is 100% what you make of it. Stop being a victim of your own limiting beliefs and get busy making your reality fucking awesome!
Good luck, I can relate to your frustrations.
Sun nailed it.
I can only add that internal game is very, very important. Finding the confidence and self-satisfaction within yourself is what leads to being a better person overall, and thus better at the game. Find something productive to do that you enjoy. For some people, its running a blog, for others its simply wandering around a city. It may sound stupid and unrelated, but it will definitely help you build more peace of mind as a human being, and therefore allow you to come off more naturally confident to others.
I have not much to say. A truly inspiring reply, I thank you.
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