These are NOT banter lines, cute comebacks, etc. There is a separate thread for that elsewhere.
List of clever / witty lines in the form of similes and metaphors
What I have included here are a list of clever lines, in the format of similes, metaphors, and hyperboles. Please let me know which ones you like the most! Also please ADD YOUR OWN!
These can be used in a variety of situations, best to say them quickly in passing and with a straight face… watch the smiles and laughter it creates once they process what you’ve just said. I used the fish’s vagina one in passing the other day, it took everyone a few seconds but the entire group slowly burst out in laughter... Great for a PUA to have in his arsenal.
- “More useless than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest”
-- This is my favorite!! Can be used whenever you wanna tease or tool on someone.
- Off like a prom dress
- Gayer than eight guys blowing nine guys
- Funnier than watching two retards try to fuck.
- Busier than a two-dicked dog at a bitchfest
- Sucks worse than an amish virgin
- Sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee.
- Sweating like grandma when she's on top
- I'm on it like white on rice
- It’s on like donkey kong
- He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave
- Cool as the other side of the pillow
- So cold (this weather) would make a siberian husky shiver
- Happy as a pig in shit
- It’s official like a referre with a whistle
- Faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald mcdonald
- I love you like a fat kid loves cake
- Gayer than aids
- Weirder than a 3 dollar bill
- If she were any more stupid, she'd have to be watered twice a week
- I'm gonna drop you like third period French
- Higher than giraffe pussy
- I'm out like a boner in sweat pants
- I'm as full as a tick on a tampon.
- I'm gonna make like a baby and head out.
- As honest as a man who says he likes Hooter's for the food
- Gone like last week's pay.
- Mosquitos so big they could stand flat footed and fuck a turkey
- I'm there faster than a fat kid at a cake buffet
- Happy as a dog with two tails.
- Harder to pick than a broken nose.
- Describing something difficult to do: “like playing darts with spaghetti”
- Can’t make up their mind: “you’re flip flopping like a dying fish”
- Person’s aim sucks: “couldn’t hit the ocean from a boat”
- He has no game: “If he fell into a barrel full of tits he'd come up sucking his thumb.”
- He has no game: “he couldn't get laid with a fistful of cash in a whorehouse”
- Ugly: “That chick looks like her face caught fire and someone put it out with a track shoe”
- Trrying to explain something and they just don't get it: "It's like speaking Chinese to a Mexican."
- Referring to someone who’s a real tight poker player: "He’s tighter than a fish's vagina."
- People who look like hell: "You look like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag."
- Person is hard to get a hold of: “I’d have an easier time getting a face to face w/ Osama Bin Laden”
Please add your own!!