Discuss How to regain power in the relationship? at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; How to regain power in the relationship?
Ok guys, I need your help. Just pretend ...
How to regain power in the relationship?
Ok guys, I need your help. Just pretend I'm a dude talking about some chick ok lol? So the story is, I have a boyfriend, we've been going out a few months(casually dating prior to that). The problem is I end up feeling jealous cause he's flirty with other girls(knows/is friends with tons of girls), has brought up having more "blurred" relationship lines(he thinks he should be able to do body shots off other girls, yet when I brought up doing it to guys he immediately was like "Umm ok nevermind"). He also never really calls me, only wants to talk online or through text. And, like a dumba$$ I keep my AIM online always incase he wants to message me, since I never get to see him during the week either(he'd have to take the train, of course he doesn't). I end up getting all pissy at him a lot cause of this and various other things that are the same type of behavior. Basically, I'm acting like an AFC which is bogus cause I've never done that before Normally I'm used to the guy being all in love with me, wanting me more then I want him, trying to settle me down, etc. While I'm familier with the pua info, I'm just curious as to what you guys think would help for someone already in a relationship. Advice?? And like I said, I know I'm talking about a guy, but pretend I'm talking about some chick who's being like this.
My advice would stop being a AFC. You pretty much solved your own problem. Now just take control of it. Try flipping the script on him. If he knows he has all your attention, then make him earn yours. What you said in your comment sounds just how I was with my Ex. Only after she deceided to make it apparent that she was pulling away did she get my attention back and make me want her more. Turn your AIM off, and start missing some of his phone calls and see what he says about it. Then play it off like to big deal. MAKE HIM WANT YOU!!!!!
Honestly, most of the people here know how to treat women and push their buttons, guys are different I assume =). I really do not know if the knowledge here can be translated to a guy on guy relationship or not =(. You know him a lot better than us, advice here really might not be very good and could cause more trouble than it is worth.
Still, from what you say it seems he sees your relationship as something very casual. Maybe an honest talk would be the best thing just to see where you stand? I get the feeling you see this relationship as more than he does. Just talk, its usually the best thing you can do in every situation.
He's an internet junkie thats why he doesn't really call. I tend to be the same way Ms Peach, I rarely like to talk on the phone because I'm doing a lot of things online.
Anyway you need to preserve your independence. I have a feeling you are convenient for him and not a priority and you leave little to his imagination which is important. Spacing is very important. When a woman backs off a bit and leaves me with a hint of doubt I become more infatuated. Is there any doubt? Anything to get the mind wondering?
“Everyone is dying all the time. Everyone is also living all the time. It's all in your perspective which one you're experiencing! Choose wisely.”
Originally Posted by mspeach
Start flirting with other guys.
Go out on couple dates. Push boundaries. Give him taste of his own medecine.
If you're casually dating you shouldn't be seeing JUST HIM....
The ghost of pua's past.
Women have trouble getting their heads around the idea that a guy can like them and still want to be with 10 other women. But them's the facts in the case you just described.
Also, it sounds like you're not giving equal weight to the good (he's fun) and the bad (he's horrible at communicating with you). If you don't like the way he is now, don't expect him to change.
Come on Dick, that is half the allure... thinking that she can change him!
Originally Posted by DeadEyeDick
That's the truth! I'm amazed at how many women will devote their hearts and souls to what they think are "reclamation" projects, only to find out later they wasted all their time.
Originally Posted by Rolls
Thanks for the great advice guys!
TrueStory- we were casual, now are exclusive, so I can't really be going on dates. I'm going to try flirting more, although the other day he said he likes having a girl that flirts Soo....not sure if that will work or what. Plus I'm unsure if I flirt more will that make him feel like he can flirt more? Guess I'll try it and see!
DeadEyeDick- Yeah I know. It's just that before he wasn't like this as much, I think he's just gotten more "comfortable" in the relationship since we started officially going out. Plus it's great sex so I don't want to lose that
seldomseen- you're right, he IS an internet junkie lol. About backing off- the problem is I only see him on weekends so it's not like I'm constantly around him anyway. Although I tend to stay over the whole weekend....I guess I should cut that short, but then....that means less time in bed What makes the mind wonder?
Kernuckle- I just did have a talk with him. He seemed totally unaware, which I figured he would.
Spoolin- yes you're right, I know I need to do that but I'm not exactly sure how to go about it since I already only see him on weekends. I guess just start making more weekend plans without him? But then I'll miss him(and that will cut back on the all weekend long sex)...grrrr. I hate that.
one itis? lmao, now u know how we all feel/felt. looks like he completly hooked u :P u gotta seperate how much u like him from how hes treating u. if a girl treats me like shit i TRY to give her the same. its a process though, i used to take all the shit and hope than one day we wont be best friends anymore... haaa the good old days :P