Golden Rule of building a new social circle .....

In our Social Circle Mastery seminar Mr. M and I call this the "Golden Rule" for starting a new tree. Go for respect first and popularity second. It's easy to gain popularity. It's brutal to earn back the respect that you gave away up front. This applies with guys and girls.

Sometimes you may try to appease an asshole of the group or try to 'go along to get along' by doing what you think is popular, but the truth is you are only digging a deeper hole. This goes back to the old David D quote of, "Trying to trade status for acceptance and approval." (We've all messed this one up). I know lots of guys who are popular, but are nowhere near acquiring a power broker seat within their social circle . Guys in the power broker seats date the hottest and most women in any given social circle .

This does not mean become the lame try hard guy who tries to play leader all the either. That will get you opposite of respect just as fast. You can easily gain respect without trying to be the leader. Just be real and act out of your own intentions regardless of what the group says or does without being to rigid either way.

Fuck this could, and may, turn into a 10 page post someday, but for now simply remember the golden rule of building a new social circle .

Respect first, popularity second. When you get good, you go for both at the same time.


Few of the things I think of when I think of respect. I'm sure there are many more....

1. Strong Boundaries
2. Don't give people any more respect than they earn.
3. Honesty at all cost.
4. Authentic at all cost. (Fuck what everyone thinks)
5. Shine by actions, not by words.
6. Abundance mentality (With everything)
7. People must earn your praise. Your praise is as rare as Gold. You don't hand it out unless people truly deserve it.
8. You are never jealous. (See number 6)
9. Only laugh if something is truly funny. (No courtesy laughs) Yet, you would never withhold laughter.
10. You like, but don't need others validation.
11. Apologize rarely, but it means a lot when you do.
12. Keep your secrets. Why would you share them with people who don't matter?
13. "Don't spend major time with minor people." -Deleanor Roosevelt (I.E. Negative, people who make excuses...etc)
14. It's hard to get "in" with you. You are nice to everyone, but you don't get close to just anyone. They have to earn it.
“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.”
-George Washington
15. Your time is precious. Don't let people disrespect your time, yet expect you to respect theirs.
16. Don't ask advice from the weak. Better yet, don't ask advice from anyone who isn't living the life you want to live.
17. Never lean or leak emotionally on other people. (May be the quickest way to lose respect. People who are not self reliant are disgusting!) This does not mean you can't ask favors or advice. This means you are emotionally fragile and need others approval to know you are ok.
18. Never change your beliefs, values, sense of humor , or bend the truth in the face of value. (Read this one 100 times. Most important. Every time I have broke this law I've hated myself for it!!! Anytime someone breaks this law around me, I've hated them for it.)
19. Has no problem teasing or qualifying people of high value, because you don't consider them higher value. You just consider them people. People with high and low value characteristics.
20. Favorite David D quote......Learn to say "No" a lot. Also, be ok hearing "No."



Have a good holiday weekend!

If you are going to the lake, wear your arm floaties

-Braddock

Good shit, man!

It's kinda funny noticing the hierarchy within groups. The one with the most respect isn't always the guy you would think. But that's just it, you don't need to bother with the who's-who within a group. Be a solid guy, know what you're about and where you're coming from and they'll line up with ya.

On point, I follow this all myself.


You'll get some haters by doing what you want and not giving a fuck, but in the end, you'll be more happy and have more respect from those that matter.

Originally Posted by NumbaOneDesi

You'll get some haters by doing what you want and not giving a fuck, but in the end, you'll be more happy and have more respect from those that matter.

Agreed!

Dr. Seuess said it best, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Deep down I knew Dr. Seuess was a pimp lol.

Awesome post btw

This is an awesome post that adds a lot of value, thank you

"If you are going to the lake, wear your arm floaties" what the hell? =P

Good post Braddock ! Real good stuff here man.

I am making my social circle bigger in college so a lot of this is GREAT!

Cheers!

Originally Posted by Braddock

If you are going to the lake, wear your arm floaties

HAHAHA




-Reaction

Great post, Braddock . I can defintely see the value to be authentic and honest, as you described in the following points:

3. Honesty at all cost.
4. Authentic at all cost. (Fuck what everyone thinks)

One thing this got me thinking about is where to draw the line between the steadfast honesty you recommend on the one hand, and social vibing (as described by Tyler Durden here) on the other hand.

Real-life example:
You're talking with a bunch of friends at a party, and someone (say, the host) gives his strong opinion on something (e.g. politics, sports, technology, etc). Then people turn to you to see what you think. Suppose that you're an expert on this topic, and you highly disagree with what he said. How would you respond to his comment?

Considering social vibing, I might decide to let it slide, in order to preserve the positive social vibe. As TD says:

The purpose of the initial comment was NOT to ACTUALLY debate it. It was to SOCIALLY VIBE. The content was not the REAL communication. It was a surface for SUBCOMMUNICATION, which INTENDED to say "Let's have a nice time, and have rapport with eachother and relax."

Especially given that this guy is the host and I should at times defer to him:

[QUOTE]The secure guy will recognize when its someone's turn to hold court, and not fight it.
A person who is secure will talk to ADD EMPHASIS to a point. He will not DISPUTE a point while someone is holding court.[QUOTE]

But social vibing (i.e. withholding your disagreement) comes at the cost of not being totally honest and authentic, as you said. So, there seems to be a fine line.

Great post, Braddock . I can defintely see the value to be authentic and honest, as you described in the following points:

3. Honesty at all cost.
4. Authentic at all cost. (Fuck what everyone thinks)

One thing this got me thinking about is where to draw the line between the steadfast honesty you recommend on the one hand, and social vibing (as described by Tyler Durden here) on the other hand.

Real-life example:
You're talking with a bunch of friends at a party, and someone (say, the host) gives his strong opinion on something (e.g. politics, sports, technology, etc). Then people turn to you to see what you think. Suppose that you're an expert on this topic, and you highly disagree with what he said. How would you respond to his comment?

Considering social vibing, I might decide to let it slide, in order to preserve the positive social vibe. As TD says:

The purpose of the initial comment was NOT to ACTUALLY debate it. It was to SOCIALLY VIBE. The content was not the REAL communication. It was a surface for SUBCOMMUNICATION, which INTENDED to say "Let's have a nice time, and have rapport with eachother and relax."

Especially given that this guy is the host and I should sometimes defer to him:

The secure guy will recognize when its someone's turn to hold court, and not fight it.
A person who is secure will talk to ADD EMPHASIS to a point. He will not DISPUTE a point while someone is holding court.

Social vibing by withholding your disagreement comes at the cost of not being totally honest and authentic. So, there seems to be a fine line.

What do you think?

This shit is gold. I read tons of human relations books, this post >> all of them.