Discuss for those not improving at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; for those not improving
I came to this forum about 6 months ago, hoping to ...
for those not improving
I came to this forum about 6 months ago, hoping to find in it all the answers to my problems with females.
I have sat in my computer, reading countless pages of PUA material. Magic Bullets, badboy’s book, the juggler method, swinggcat’s real world seduction. I have read all of them, some, several times.
My head, it’s stuffed with all of this. I know that in this forum many of you are like me. The amount of PUA material that could come out of your mouth is an argument for time’s infinity.
And yet, how much of it have you actually seen at work? Have you actually ever opened a girl and said Sinn’s: “If you’re going to look at me like that, you should at least talk to me.” How about an even simpler and much safer opinion opener like “My friend is about to marry a girl I can’t stand. How do I tell him not to?”.
What about me? you ask. How many girls have I cold opened? Maybe about 10. What about the rest of the material? I’ve incorporated some of them in my interactions with women. And guess what? So have you. And they have done wonders for me, as they probably have for you. Many of my successes with women have originated of the few things I have pulled out of the textbooks and into real life.
And this has raised the great question. What if instead of only skimming the surface, we dived into the deep ocean? What if instead of only using the relatively safe things, like a small kino here and there and some C&F we started using other parts of the plethora of material out there?
Yet, we do not. The reason, as you know, is basically lack of nuts. We have been quite comfortable, pretending to be PUAs in front of our 17 inches monitor. But then, it’s only natural. In here, we can’t fail.
But then, growth originates out of failures. “A man should not be measured by how far he falls but by how far he bounces off the bottom.” We are nothing but the sum of our experiences, our failures.
Going out there and actually attempting this stuff WILL hurt.
But I’m quite sick of the actual “balance” between my actual experience and my theoretical knowledge. I’m sick of trying to improve through others' words.
We do not need to learn anything else, we have already soaked all the knowledge need. We need to live. Let’s stop trying to BE a PUA. Let’s get out there and be the AFC who tries different things and fails. There’s more honor in it. Through experience, we’ll inevitably evolve, becoming gradually and naturally what we desire.
Embrace your fears. Embrace your desires. Embrace risk. You have already learned all you need. Tomorrow, I’m going to try new things.
I dare you to join me.
Originally Posted by chrono160
There are people who actually need to be led by the hand step by step in the real world in order to learn pickup. It is not that they are dumb... actually they tend to be very smart. The problem is getting them to lose their programmed beliefs that prevent them from taking action and succeeding at Pickup.
Until a guy sees you being dragged by a complete stranger woman to the dancefloor or buying you ( A Man ) drinks. You would not believe it until you see it.
There is more BULLSHIT Advice out there than practical in field know how....
I meet guys in Miami and they said to me they took Bootcamp this, Ebook that... Then I ask them where are the good spots for pickup...
No clue... That's what happens when you don't go out into the field.
So getting your ass out there is VIP I hear ya...
But there is a great clean up coming where as time goes pickup will become refined and all the other silly things of the past will fall off because they don't work...
IM me if you want to sarge. - Orgasmatron
Miami, FL USA
Good job coming clean. Just realize not everyone here is like that (but probably the vast majority are KJs).
Go out and open. I have opened over 500 sets in the last 4 months. The first two months I was sarging alone because I didn't know anybody. Get out there and do it.
The most important thing I did was to drop the ego. Be able to look at yourself objectively, noticing what you did wrong and what you did right. Work on your sticking points. You will never know what they are if your ego is so strong that you have blind spots to them. If you have a wing, have him tell you what you did wrong and right. They will notice body language and stuff you may not even notice. My wings ripped me a new one when I first went out with them (in the debrief, not the venue). Tough love.
Always leave her better off than you found her
It sounds like you wrote this post while listening to the Armageddon soundtrack...BradP wrote a great pdf about this recently talking about keyboard jockeys and how there's a bunch of guys who only read material and know tons of stuff but don't know how to execute it.
I agree with you though, faith without works is death. - Jesus
Everyones an expert--few are experienced.
Best worst quotes:
Originally Posted by Ackustic
Originally Posted by HoNLeX
Great post - it's really brave of you to come out and talk about how difficult it is to take the leap to turn theory into reality once you're out in the field.
And really inspiring that you're going to take the courageous leap and take the pain that comes with that. Good luck!
Props for having the balls to admit that you're not an "mPUA" online. (sorry.. i just hate all the nerdy acronyms associated with the "community")
I got into this about last year around the time of christmas. To be honest, my skill level shot up really quickly (at least in comparison to the volume of approaches I did) but at the same time, I wasn't focusing on bar/club game. I was more or less doing party game which... in my honest opinion is much easier.
The biggest obstacle I have getting around right now... in all honesty is my social group. It's not that they stop me, but using an opener in front of your friends 20 times begins to put you into the "weird" status... and losing social circle is the worst thing to do... I definitely know this is a sticking point.. and i'll get over it.
To be honest however, it's not a big deal since i'm still in college and am enjoying everything. I never did a newbie mission, and have never done daygame. That can be saved for when I graduate school and don't have anything to do other than go to work. I can say that a LOT of my improvement came from being very analytical of EVERYTHING I did in a social interaction. Keeping in mind what worked, what didnt, what not to do... etc. Basic understanding of how others view you and what you say.
In another sense here, there is no need to associate yourself with being a "pickup artist". I know a lot of people who have no problem with reading dating articles/advice. But if you were to tell them that they were going to focus their entire life for 2 months just so that they could START to be able to date girls who are more physically attractive.. they'd be happy by themselves.
There is nothing wrong with just trying to better yourself off whether you want to be a guru, or simply someone who would date a slightly higher quality of girl than they normally would. The key is not to put yourself down over whether you've approached someone or not. One of the problems I've realized with the "community" (as I've realized it myself) is that there is a massive amount of pressure that people put on themselves to approach. And this in itself... causes approach anxiety to go much higher than normal, and furthermore, there is a separate side that achieves validation based on being a "good" pua. Therefore, people get afraid of approaching, and afraid of being blown out even moreso... as if it really mattered that much in the first place.
The biggest thing about being ballsy IMO is realizing that a blowout/bad reaction really doesn't matter that much. It's the mentality of the class clown... they know they're going to get in trouble.. and they in a way... look forward to it... despite the fact that it's a "bad" thing to happen to them... whereas the nerd would freak out if they got in trouble. It's almost as if inviting getting blown out... is a better mentality than trying not to get blown out.
I'm one of those really smart guys too... I'm usually top of my class at a prestigious college without spending as much time as others.
Originally Posted by sperkgs
About the instructors... I would love to go to a bootcamp, however at the moment it's not really an option. I don't really have the money for it. When I can afford the plane ticket and the bootcamp I'll probably take it. However, for the moment I need get out there by myself.
So, I'll drop my ego, go out there and try out stuff and, as green hell said, analyzing pretty much everything I do socially.
You're completely right, being blown out won't really hurt anyone. Even if you get a REALLY bad reaction, it will be better than simply sitting there and watching the girl like an idiot. At least you had the balls to attempt something.
Originally Posted by Green hell
BTW it was the pirates of the caribbean 1 soundrack:P But yeah, I was pretty apocalyptic at the moment
Looks like you don't got much from reading all those books, seeing how you validate yourself to everyone in here with your big shot talk of "oh yeah im mr cool I'm at the top of my class at a prestigious school with no effort blah blah blah", and after that you say you have no money, which one is it?
so, as long as you dont practice in field and get blown off lots of times and open hundreds of sets, you wont get where you want. And a bootcamp wouldnt hurt.
you have opened 10 sets and you are asking others to go all natural like you? yeah right
It is the process one must go through to start entering the real world.
If one didnt have any sucess with women all his life then he will go trough the process of reading and thinking he found the magic bullet. And you know what. HE DID! It is the first boost he needs to spread his wings.
Then you start to realise that what you are learning is nothing more than natural everyday behaviour. You are not becoming a super ninja (although it feels like it most of the times) you are becoming a socialy and sexualy complete male. Nothing extreme about that.
But if it werent for this sources we could still live with the belief that this is how things are, that we just arent attractive enough etc.
It wasn't really about validation, as you put it. Validating myself in this forum would be quite pointless, this is a self-help forum. Giving your profile makes others get a feel for you, and give you advice more attuned to your needs. Orgasmatron mentioned that smart people need to be led step by step in pickup, and sperkgs basically said he was one of those. And so am I.
Originally Posted by Fedor
I didn't really encourage going "all natural", I'm saying we should get our asses out there and actually DO the stuff we read about here, instead of "learning" more and more info.
I went out with some friends yesterday, and I actually opened 3 sets. It felt good. I'll probably start going out solo, though... I think my social standing with my friends would suffer if I keep approaching in front of them, at least until I get decent at it.