Chase or Save Face: My calibration struggle
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- 07-05-2008, 01:13 AM #1
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So one of the things I've always done before Mystery Method is go forward with a girl (in whatever phase we're in) until I start feeling like it's becoming an increasingly difficult uphill struggle.
Chase or Save Face: My calibration struggle
-First in a new set: open, transition, routine, routine... Feel that it's all me and none of her...*
-Same thing, somewhere in the whole process she does something like turns away or something.
-Call a girl, talk for awhile, go to make plans, "Oh, I can't, I'm busy at that time..." My old response (and my first instinct now) would have been to take this as "I may or may not be busy at that time and I'm not invested enough in our interaction to suggest an alternate time," and probably not bother with trying to make plans again.
-Hanging out with a girl at a party, talking, conversation stalls (I know, I know, I should NEVER not have anything to say), I leave before she does
*I know now that the first bit WILL be 90% you and 10% her... But this is not a good feeling.
At that point, I usually go with "Whatever, I've got plenty of other options," and move on... Which is what I've been told is the right thing to do. While this is certainly better for my ego, as well as easier and less frustrating for me, I'm not the type of person that gives up easily in other areas of life, it's just kind of what I was taught to do so that I don't come off as needy, clingy or try-hard.
This new material is teaching me that most guys give up TOO easily, and I'm sure that I must be one of them. It indicates that a guy SHOULD be willing to put up a bit of a chase because it displays confidence and stuff. My question therefore is how do you find a balance between not giving up too easily and not trying too hard? How do you know when (and how!) to chase and when to just say "Chasing further will just cause her to run further?" I think there are alot of interactions that I could turn into results if I knew how to "chase" without being the "chaser," you know?
- 07-06-2008, 03:05 AM #2
you want to stay in the interaction until you can tell it's going nowhere. that is the eventual goal. for now just push the interaction too far. If you think you should leave, stay 5 more minutes. you can stay longer. You need to not worry about saving face at all. that is a terrible frame. you just need to focus on improving. stay in set for now until the girl walks away. until she walks away she is into you.
- 07-06-2008, 05:37 AM #3
I've found that sometimes if you are in a conversation with the girl and it goes quiet, you shouldn't be so quick to speak. Chances are she may be nervous and unsure about what to say to you. I know back when I started this girls would go quiet and i'd think they were being bitches...they would later tell me they were really shy around me.
The solution is to stop thinking about what to say to a girl when the silences arise, and start thinking about what you want from a girl. If you have opened and have started to generate attraction, as yourself this:
"Do I want to fuck her?"
If the answer is a resounding 'YES' then you will have a much easier time talking to her. You will have intention. It is important not to mix this up with outcome dependency. While you do intend to fuck her, if you don't/if she blows you out/if you lose her in the club it's not going to mess up your state internally. You are not DEPENDENT on the lay to feel good...but you are talking to her because you're INTENDING it to happen.
Another thing that has worked for me is the following: While talking to her, every now and then, stop talking to her and just stare into her eyes. When you do this - imagine the two of you having hot passionate sex. Imagine what she would look like naked. What she would look like riding you/being taken by you. Imagine what she might taste like. Doing this should solidify your intention and "sexualise" the conversation. Your bodylanguage will naturally become more sexual as will the conversation.
This is because when you imagine having sex with a girl...you get a rush of testosterone & your mind pair bonds you.
If I were you...i'd stop thinking about it being you chasing her. Once you have attraction & have qualified her affectively it should be the two of you chasing each other. I'll say that again: It should be the two of you chasing each other. You should both have the same goal - sweaty, steamy, orgasmic sex.
This is SO important. This is the frame that your mind should be focusing on, and should be the frame you are drawing girls into. It's similar to identity roles. A really advanced (but surprisingly simple to learn & use) concept that will shoot your inner game through the roof. I think Mr M does inner game seminars on this. But don't take my word for it.TGO