Thread: How a Shit Memory and Delusional Thoughts Get You Laid

Learning to meet and strike up interesting, attractive conversations with women is a skill.

It’s not hard to find very good clear information about the skills needed - how to build attraction , how to kiss a girl, how to take and follow up a phone number.

But there’s a relative lack of good information on how to actually acquire these skills. Beyond ‘go out and practice’, there’s little solid and practical advice on how to learn and implement them.

So today I’m going to tell you about one particularly useful technique I used.

Focusing on Failure

When asked to name the most useful skill a pass receiver could have, Otto Graham (one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time) said: “A damn short memory”.

What did he mean? He meant the ability to instantly forget about a pass that was badly fumbled. The ability to make a small adjustment, and then let the ‘error’ part of trial and error go, rather than beating yourself up about having made a mistake, or focussing massively on the ‘failure’.

There’s an over-emphasis in The Community on ’sticking points ’ - areas where you’re tackling a specific weakness in your skill set. Trying to change specific points is great, but many guys lose sight of the real goal.

Learning to pick up women isn’t about eradicating all the ‘mistakes’ you make - it’s about amplifying everything that you do right. It’s about focusing on the attractive parts of who you are and what you do, not about being endlessly worried about getting some part ‘wrong’.

If a guy’s been playing his failures in his mind over and over again to try and get rid of them, then when he sees the woman of his dreams, what goes through his mind? Is he reminded of his previous successes? Does he get a boost of confidence and self-esteem that’s instantly attractive?

Of course not. His mind dredges up all his blow outs. All the times he was rejected. If he gets the courage to approach at all, he’s nervous, and it shows - what better way to kill attraction ?

Making the Glass Delusionally Full

Here’s a simple trick for getting out of this habit. Having tried it, I was blown away by the results.

Every night when I came home after going out to meet women, I’d write an insanely positive entry in my journal. “She punched me and threw a drink over me” became “I had a refreshing time after I spiked a girl’s emotions”. “I kissed a fat girl” became “I ran some really solid comfort and qualifying material on a girl with low self-esteem”.

I simply refused to write down anything negative. If anything I couldn’t spin positively happened, I just wouldn’t write it down.

Why?

Two reasons.

Firstly: it focuses you absolutely on what works. I’d start to see patterns in what I was doing that I hadn’t seen elsewhere. As a joke, I tried to kiss a girl I’d only met 30 seconds previously. It worked. So I tried it again. It didn’t work but got me a positive reaction. Fast escalation thus became part of my arsenal, even though previously I’d always been told it was wrong - apparently it fitted with me, and my personality.

Secondly it builds up all the right and most helpful memories in your head. There’s some pretty compelling evidence now that when your brain retrieves most memories, it deletes the old and creates a new one. If you start to consciously retrieve certain memories, and put a positive spin on them, they start to be remembered that way - as positive times you interacted with women, rather than negative ones.

Keeping focussed on your successes, and not allowing yourself to consciously register ‘failures’ as anything other than signals you might benefit from making a small adjustment will put you on the fast track for getting great results. And what’s more, it’ll help keep the whole process a lot of fun - a vital component in giving you the consistency you need in meeting your goals.

I lkie it, thanks much sheriff .

Kombat1

only time it doesn't pay to think this way is later on in the conversation when she asks, "do you remember my name?" sighhhh, i almost always fail this one. why is it, whenever i find out someone's name, am introduced to someone knew, whatever, it never registers in my brain that they are telling you important info and you actually have to remember this?

Originally Posted by Beanz

only time it doesn't pay to think this way is later on in the conversation when she asks, "do you remember my name?" sighhhh, i almost always fail this one. why is it, whenever i find out someone's name, am introduced to someone knew, whatever, it never registers in my brain that they are telling you important info and you actually have to remember this?

The simple way to remember a name is to use a picture association in your mind. I recall Style said something like this in one of his Annihilation vids, where he connected each name of a guy with either famous person who shared that name or a situation related and conjured up an image for it. The following day he asked the guys "Whats his name again?" and they all mentioned his full name (including middle names) correctly.

Hahah, I remember Mr M coming up to me after seminar and saying:

"WTF are you doing after you ask the students their name? You're looking up and to the right each time!"

That picture mnemonic thing works really well for me learning 12 students names quickly. Customer service, baby

-P

Who wants to change their abilities with women and dating FOREVER?

It's definitely true that repeating failures in your mind is a bad thing, but I don't think completely ignoring them is the right answer- is that what you are saying? Because shouldn't one throughly analyze what went wrong first, figure out how to change one's game to not make the same mistake again, and only THEN not dwell on the failure?

I know you touched on this in your quote,

The ability to make a small adjustment

, but how small are we talking about? I'd think PU adjustments are a bit more complex than those that a receiver has to make with his hands or feet.