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I donít know how common a problem this is, ...
The female friend who wants more
I donít know how common a problem this is, but since starting on attraction material and was introduced to the community about a year ago, Iíve experienced this problem a few times. The female friend who wants more than just a friendship.
Back in the day, when I didnít have a clue about what I was doing and wasnít aware of the things happening around me I didnít have any female friends. Since then Iíve realised the value of them and discovered they are really insightful and can prove many great things. Looking back on the last year, I divide my female friends in to two categories (keeping in mind all of the relationships are relatively new); the female friends who have the potential of becoming more that just a friend, and the female friends who doesnít have that potential. Now I have this female friend whoís great. Sheís smart, funny, and intelligent and has a lot of great qualities. I really appreciate her as a friend, but lately sheís has been given some signals, which indicates attraction towards me. Iíve just been myself around her and really want to keep her as a friend, because sheís a good girl and game wise can give huge social value. And the main objective is to not hurt her feelings.
Which distensions do you guys make in your behaviour when youíre hanging out with a female friend with potential, and a female friend without potential?
What specific things do you talk with your female friends about, that clearly indicates that you see her as a high value female friend, and not a potential girlfriend?
Can you pinpoint the exact time, from meeting a girl for the first time (you being an attractive, high value, cocky funny guy) to the time when you indicate you only want friendship?
There's really no way to show her you're not interested unless you explicitly tell her. If a girl is into you, and you are hanging out with her, she is going to assume the best. In my experience I just had to wait untill they brought it up and I had to give them the LJBF deal (or at the very least make up some kind of excuse why you can't be with her right now).
By far not the best approach, but I'll intentionally send some AFC signals her way every now and again to stop her attraction mechanism and that seems to work well enough for me.
Indicating interest in other girls can work too.... But, I think I am running into this problem with a girl now too.... She seems to be getting jealous when I mention other girls even though I made it clear to her before that we were just "friends"....
Lansing, think about it... those are the same tactics we use to pick girls up. Jelousy plotlines, "You'd make a good friend." It's really hard to show a girl you're not interested in her withouth either telling her nicely or just being a jackass.
I once went to a doctor and said hey doc...I have a huge erection everymorning and it lasts till I pee, but I cant pee with the erection!
He said-what a nice problem to have! I never bring up my silly problems anymore at the doctors office.
That said, I agree dlv yourself it works well. If she thinks she can have you she won't want you. You can also just be strait up blunt and say you like friendships and thats all.
Cheers to that The_Boss. Just nicely telling her is probably the best way if shes coming onto you too much, just make sure you let her know you value the friendship etc, sometimes it works out after. If she can't handle that and you lose a friend, then maybe thats what has to happen.... if you let her go on and continue to increase attraction its just going to be a big mess when she finally realizes that you're not interested and thinks you've been leading her on
Anyways, best of luck to you
Take it from someone who's been there, is there, and has mostly male friends.... The majority of it is going to have to be HOW into you she is. The degree that is. If she just likes you and thinks your cute, wants to date you....you may be able to save that without sounding like a jerk. If its more intense than that, its going to a lot harder.
For me, I don't do well with subtley. Trying to beat around the bush to save feelings isn't going to necessarily help. If you can't find a way to do it without crushing her and ruining the friendship....perhaps try finding her a guy. Divert her attention a bit.
But anytime its happend with me, and its happend twice...It came down to brutal honesty, it hurt, we moved on and we're still the best of friends. He's happily married and I love his wife, she's a doll! So there is hope my friend! )
That's actually very common, because now you're flipping those attraction switches and buttering them up with comfort and such. But yeah, bro, you just gotta tell her straight up. No beating around the bush, or it just gets harder. Definitely let her know you value the friendship highly and all that good stuff, though.
"Curiousity killed the cat... but for a while I was a suspect."