Discuss How to gauge if your being clingy. at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; How to gauge if your being clingy.
I met this HB 8.5 online Thursday, and ...
How to gauge if your being clingy.
I met this HB 8.5 online Thursday, and it went really well. By Saturday ended up getting a really good Day-2 F close ( she spent the night and most of the morning with me in bed ). Spent Sunday afternoon with her , and then brought her back home. She has no car and is new to my state so she doesn't have much of a social life yet. She called me on Monday to let me know she bought me a gift, and told me to find out what it was I have to come see her. I want to call and tell her I'm coming over Friday but would that be too clingy? I really like this girl as we have alot in common, and would like to LTR her. I don't want to screw it up by being clingy, nor screw it up by being too elusive and non-caring. What should I do in a situation like this?? BTW: She is young, just turned 21 and has no social life due to just moving here and no car, if that matters at all in this situation.
Last edited by burnt_money; 05-22-2007 at 03:11 PM.
Do you need her or does she need you. Have you own space and don't fall into one-itis.
I usually go for 10's but I sometimes settle for two 5's.
seeing her weekly isn't too clingy. unless you call every day or something. you really have to judge it from her response though.
Since you just had sex, she's going to want to spend a lot of time with you. Seeing her once or twice a week in the beginning is perfectly normal, and she'll probably want to make it more. Resist the urge to see her every day, but hanging out a couple times a week with someone you want to LTR is not a problem.
Like massentropy said, gauge it by her responses. You aren't clingy until you want to see her and she doesn't want to see you: that's clingy. She's setting up ways to "make" you come see her, so accepting her set up isn't clingy, it's just showing that you're still interested. I might have said "You didn't have to buy me something to get me to see you again, you could just ask nicely." (but say it with a smile, even if it's over the phone, she'll hear the inflection of playfulness in your voice)
Also, one little piece of advice if you're really wanting to LTR her. If this is your 3rd date and you had sex on the 2nd one, don't push for sex on this one. Play "getting to know you", and actually be interested in learning about her, and if she wants to have sex, it'll be obvious. In building an LTR, you have to spend at least some time finding out who she is instead of just building toward sex every time you see her. In general, if you don't approach every date as "what do I have to do to get her in bed?" (which is needy and a turn off), she'll feel a lot more comfortable with you and be more likely to initiate sex on her own. And believe me, that makes for much better sex anyway.
so when I see her this weekend , don't do things like 'lets watch a movie in the bedroom' or ask to go drink anything? Just keep it real fun like she is my sister or something? Acting like you could care less about sex helps boost LTR value alot??
I'm not saying that you shouldn't do regular date stuff, what I'm saying is don't make sex the goal. If she's wanting to have sex, it'll be pretty obvious, and you should give it to her because that's what she wants. But chances are she's feeling you out for long term potential too, and if you are focused on getting sex she'll notice and it will count against you. Let it happen, don't push to make it happen. And if it doesn't, don't get upset or freeze out or anything, you're past that. You've already closed, so at this point, LMR tactics will make you come across as only interested in sex. If that's all you're interested in, then game on, but if you really want to try to build an LTR with her, sex should come second to getting to know her and getting comfortable with her. You are already her lover, act like it. Sex isn't a big deal if you are already her lover, you don't need it this weekend, you can get it any time.
Acting like you don't need sex will help you with any woman, any time, whether you just met her or you've been sleeping with her for a year.