Discuss dancefloor - the trap, why at the General Discussion within the PUA Forums | The Attraction Forums | The Mystery Method; dancefloor - the trap, why
I know in MM it's considered that the dancefloor is ...
dancefloor - the trap, why
I know in MM it's considered that the dancefloor is the trap.
however I personally found a lot of success on the dance floor, it's all done through body language. you dont even speak, you dont even know your name, but last night I had a girl litterally taking my hands down to her pussy, letting me suck her boobs on the dance floor. I know, it's not solid game, but I have had this happen regularly and just wanted to hear from other people what their view is on the dance floor and what they do.
I don't dance, and don't even enjoy the process so I've never bothered to learn, so I stay away from the dancefloor, for the same reasons I now stay away from alcohol. I have a better time and have more success without it.
There are some guys who claim to be successful on the dancefloor. If so, good for them. But for most, it's extremely difficult. I worked in bars and clubs for some years, and the guys who took girls home with them, and got numbers were the guys who were working the sets, mingling, talking to girls etc. I can count on one hand the number of guys who were such good dancers they got major attraction off the dance floor, from 300+ nights working there!
In my opinion there are a couple of reasons why the dance floor is a bad idea:
1) Building attraction can be done much faster off the dance floor, so you're wasting time dancing to mostly shitty music, especially in the clubs around here.
2) You can't build much comfort. Any kino you do with a girl on the dance floor is usually sexual ONLY on the dance floor, because that's the "safe environment" for it and she usually will not let you do that off. In my personal experience and from observing thousands of guys while I worked, girls usually ditched their dance partners as soon as they left the dancefloor, no matter how dirty they were dancing. I guess it's probably an anti-slut thing. It's far more acceptable to be sexual with a random guy on the dancefloor than it is in the seating area.
If you try to game a girl you met on the dancefloor, you generally have to start all over again with building attraction. A complete waste of time. You could have talked to other girls in the time you wasted dancing.
3) For similar reasons to 2) any IOIs you get on the dancefloor are null and void when you get off the floor, and if you think it's time to move into Comfort you'll get a rude awakening. Unless she finds you extremely physically attractive and you're a great dancer (unlike 99% of men) she'll go back to her friends.
I regularly go out salsa dancing and see many guys who are way better than me on the dance floor. At first I thought these guys must have it made as they DHV just by dancing so well... and girls respond to it, they do!
But... what I have noticed is that most of these guys have NO idea how to transition off the dance floor, so they achieve nothing. They just dance and walk away.
That being said, I have seen some very succesful dancefloor pickups.
These are my conclusions-
dancing well is a huge DHV
it only works if you also have game and can transition
don't just dance... interact, talk, joke, have fun, be relaxed
game her while you dance
game her after you dance
Dancing can help with opening, building attraction, DHV, kino, comfort... many, many things.
That is the key point, it can be of enormous help in working through the M3 model but is not a substitute for it. Dancing on its own, no matter how good you are, is next to useless.
I have only recently taken up dancing... most of my life I always felt uncomfortable and avoided it. In terms of personal development, inner game, confidence, body awareness, being a leader of men and women... it has helped me a lot. I would highly recomend it.
I used to use the dancefloor as my only means of getting girls. And as an AFC i converted several dancefloor meetings into long term relationships. However only with the help of extracting the girl off the dancefloor and into a comfort location.
I find now that on the dancefloor the girls have way too much power for solid game to work. The girls do all of the choosing on the dancefloor and its almost imposible not to come across as being needy. When you talk to someone at the couches or at the bar of a club, if they arnt responding well you can just barrel through and things can turn around into a possitive interaction.
However imagine someone trying to barrel through on the dancefloor by continuing to dance with a girl who isnt responding to him. He will just look like a needy looser.
Three solid replies here! Good stuff!
IMO, dance for fun, not to game girls. That way, you're indifferent about any response(s) you get and you come across as non needy.
I have one friend who's in a LTR with a girl for 5 years....yea that long. When he comes out with me and dances with girls, something he always tells me is that, when he pulls away (distance wise) and shows that he doesn't need them, the girls will come back to him like a magnet. Just something to think about.
I agree with all you guys about the dance floor. As long as you are having fun and not acting too "cool", girls will dance with you. I danced with at least 10 girls the other night and made out with one of them, but later, off the dance, floor they acted like there was nothing there.
Anyone have some good methods on getting HBs off the dance floor and away from their friends to build some comfort? Girls are usually more 'on guard' at dance clubs so this has been harder to do for me.
Dancefloor - that shifting trapdoor...
Well, what if the girl you were about to sarge walks onto the dancefloor? Are you gonna face the challenge or find another person to sarge? I think dancefloor environments can be gamed, but you've gotta maintain pragmatic thinking at times.
If you can look like you're having a good time on the dance floor, have strong social value then you can perform a transition move in certain circumstances. It definitely works for some people, I've seen it. But to advance my earlier point, what if you get to a club late and you have to leave within a few hours because that's when it closes. You see a few 7s, nothing special. Then you notice some HBs dancing - wouldn't you really rather dance and interact with them than not?
If you keep the alpha behaviour flowing backed with the right social proof, then you can move in under the radar or go direct. The key, IMO, is knowing what to do when - but I guess that's the key to half this stuff...knowing when to do what...
If anyone has got any good dancefloor transition moves I'd be keen to try them out or run variations on them. I've tried some, but not with consistent success as yet!
arj / Chance
I disagree with the concept that the dance floor is a trap.
I believe it is only a trap if you let it become a trap.
In my experience I have seen alot of guys go out to sarge, then when their approach anxiety builds up they resort to the dance floor as an excuse why they didnt open any sets..."Oh I felt like dancing tonight"....bollocks.
The only problem is that there are significant obstacles which you need to get over....the volume of the music is problem one that stands out in my mind the most.
I guess for newbies it is best to stick to sets where you can open and communicate easily without worrying about talking loud etc.
But generally the dance floor can be a good tool if you are familiar with it and can work it.
I think Mystery said "the dancefloor is a trap" for a few reasons.
1 - I've never seen Mystery dance, I wouldn't be surprised if he's not very good.
2 - You can't use standard MM game on the dancefloor. Opinion openers are useless when girls are dancing.
3 - A lot of bars that are good for dancing are crap for pickup.
Tenmagnet really just explained this very simply, the way only a person with his experience could. And I completely agree.
If a girl is having a great time dancing, don't ruin it by asking her logical questions. Communicate with her on the physical level by dancing as well, dance with other girls, dance with the HOTTEST GIRL. Dancing with a girl basically gets you the same social proof that having her talking to and laughing with you would in a bar.
The PROBLEM with this is that your relationship with her is physical, so you can't be verbal with her because its a step backwards, its anti-climactic, and it will RUIN HER STATE. So you have to escalate physically ONLY and that means no words, which means you're not going to get her out of the club unless you physically pull her out, which is fine if she wants it bad enough.