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I don't know how to describe this ...
strange IOI - her qualifying things to you..
I don't know how to describe this other than using the term "qualifying" - sometimes a woman will say something and immediately frame it as to make her seem sexually available. I've noticed this before but didn't really think about it until I met this one girl..
I guess the story is that I was from out of town, she was seeing someone else but hadn't slept with him yet, and I eventually lost, but what I noticed is that she gave me signals to let me know when I was in the running. She would say things like "oh, I can't hang out tomorrow, I have a date - but it's not really a date" and things like that. I thought it was funny, a pretty obvious signal, but none of the books I've read like the VAH have mentioned this sort of thing.
Here's another example. Tonight I was at the bar, talking to this chick, cracking jokes, not telegraphing interest, and she was hooked. She kept telling me about her new purse and I kept asking if it was a magical purse that held all sorts of objects like surfboards or sandwiches, and she insisted for some reason that I reach inside. After I pulled out my hand, I sort of licked it, and she flipped out, told me whatever I was doing I'm really good at it (ego boost here).
Anyway I guess she's been dating my friend or something (small town - all my friends are djs, I'm a dj, we meet the same girls) because they were arguing outside of the club. As I walked past them, she actually apologized about arguing with him. I forget what she said exactly, but it pretty much downplayed whatever drama was going on and telegraphed that she was sexually available at the same time.
Has anybody else noticed this sort of IOI? I think it is sort of funny. I've always taken it as a total green light, but in retrospect I screwed up this situation a lot of times by telegraphing interest too early. Now I think it's just a solid, indisputable IOI.
Strangley enough I've found these not to be IOI's.
but just a "don't let men know I have a boyfriend".
I don't know if she would say that to you or anyone, but I've had similar situations happen, and if it were comming from me, it would definitly be an IOI.
but point being, I'm just not sure on this one, if it's different for girls. I've not had these create the same feelings in the girl as IOI's.
They are approach invitations [in a sort of way]. Social conditioning advises women never to telegraph 'direct sexual interest' in most cases, but sometimes, if the guy is totally clueless, they will keep sending sutble signals in the desperate hope that the guy who receives them will use his balls and flirt back.
Originally Posted by jqam
But that's besides the point. If you have no interest in her, why are you waiting for confirmation of her IOIs behavior? Why dont you flip the attraction switches on, run A3 material [the bait hook reel release] and see if she takes the bait. why dont you run compliance tests on her?
Just as you normally dont wait for AI to approach a woman, you dont "need" to get solid IOIs before trying out A3 (well, for newbies, you want to do that) but as Mystery mentioned in the VAE, if she does not hook, you are not in A3 yet.
You do not SOI when you receive IOIs. Instead, IOIs allow you to make her qualify herself to you. You want her to reveal unique qualities about herself to you, and based on these, you telegraph interest in her.
It appears to me that you are just waiting for the green light. You are letting her control the interaction/game. If your gut feelings is telling you she's acting 'differently' in front of you, then follow your instincts, but dont follow your logical brain and do AFC to win her over. Make her chase you and win you over.
(If you've never failed, you've never lived.)
What I mean is this is something I noticed that women do - I'm not really looking for advice or anything or even talking about one particular situation - it's just this quirky thing I've noticed before, how sometimes they make apologies to you about what's going on in their lives, even though you're a guy they just met. It's a way of indirectly stating that she is open to your approaches..