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04-07-2015, 09:18 AM #1
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- Jan 2015
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I was at a speed dating event recently. It was on Good Friday. Since I have a lot of issues talking to strangers, I thought I could use this as a good first step towards getting used to the idea. I had a couple of drinks at the bar before the event started. I met this girl. I would say she was a 7. We exchanged Hellos, the conversation meandered for a little bit and she happened to hint "You aren't supposed to drink on Good Friday". I was like "What! C'mon. Jesus is dead. I am disappointed. How else am I supposed to express my grief". This was done in a super funny way. She enjoyed it and was laughing her guts out. We were really hitting it off at this point. The guy who was hosting the event wanted to take a picture of us together as well. After 5 minutes, I moved on to the next one. After the event, I didn't meet her because I wanted to leave her wanting more. I was hoping that she would choose me as a match but she never did. My guess is that I opened her up well but didn't really move on to build attraction. She probably thought I was a funny guy but not a potential mate. Any thoughts?
Advice on what could have gone wrong
04-07-2015, 11:33 AM #2Workshop Assistant Lounge Member
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- Aug 2012
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you are reading into this interaction way too much and are heavily outcome dependent. If this is your first speed dating event or even some of your first conversations then the only thing to really concern yourself with is that fact that you put yourself out there and said what you thought was funny. Its up to her if she likes what you said or not and you have to be OK with the fact that some girls will and will not. When you get rid of your outcome dependency you will start to see more results. What about all the other girls that you spoke to? how did those go? Did you speak your mind or filter what you want to say because you are trying to impress her or say and do all the right things.
This entire process is not about mastering your social skills in 1 night. You are going to make hundreds if not thousands of mistakes. I have been doing this myself for over 2 years now and I make new mistakes every single interaction I have. However the more interactions you get under your belt the better your conversations skills will become. Dont worry about saying and doing all the right things now, just keep talking to more girls and you will naturally correct yourself over time.
Think of it like playing a video game. Say mario bros for example. The first time you play you run into the first bad guy and die. You replay the level and this time jump over him but fall in a hole. Next time you jump over him, jump over the hole and die on the next thing that comes up. However if you play the game long enough you learn where all the twists and turns are. Sometimes the 1st guy gets you again even with lots of experience and sometimes you make it all the way to the end of the game before something goes wrong.
Learning to talk to girls is the same as playing mario bros. The only way to get good at it is to play the same levels over and over again until you get it right. Nobody reads a book on how to play mario bros for weeks or months before they give it a try. You simply dive in, start playing and learn as you go and accept the fact that mistakes are inevitable and its a learning experience to get good. There really is no difference from that and getting better at talking to girls.
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