Thread: Should have known better!
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07-16-2012, 08:18 PM #1
Okay, so basically just wanted to post to get this shit off my chest. I know I should have known better, and should have thought with my head and not my dick/heart...
Should have known better!
In my defence though... She is really hot! (Not a bad defence)
So this girl I have been dating for the last couple of months was amazing. She was extremely attractive, bright, fun, challenging, great in bed... For me, she was exactly what I was looking for in a woman.
However, at the time we first hooked up, she did have a BF.
Day after we hooked up, she broke up with him, and we started seeing eachother on a regular basis.
I know that is a BIG NO NO, however, I thought I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Afterall, she was honest with him after the fact. Told him straight away and broke it off. She was honest with me about what she wanted through out the whole process. Saying she wasnt really after a LTR.
Though all that though, we where doing everything a couple would do. She had met my family (I havent met her though... Ran into her brother once though... awkward... Anyway) she had met all of my mates. She had come to coupley functions, such as a mid-year ball. Spent week nights together, time in bed cuddling etc... All that stuff.
Which to me, obviously sent a few mixed signals.
I am not completely innocent in this either. I had also said I am not looking for a serious relationship (which I am not.. Or wasnt... Or, I dunno... Still a little confused on what I exactly want, as things are coming up which I will need to be single for).
Anyway so this week, we have had a few arguements / miscommunication about the state of our relationship, and where it is heading. We are both aware we are seeing other people, and both agree that we are not in a relationship, we are just FWB. Though this week, I was getting a bit annoyed because she said we are moving towards a relationship to quickly, and she wanted to not see me as much, and slow things down.
This basically just frustrated me because we are having a great time together, do heaps of cool stuff together and have a ball, and just figured, why not let this last for as long as we can? I was not pressuring her for committment or anything, but didnt like the idea of her pulling away.
My response was to do the same thing. I didnt get angry at her (I mean, how can you get angry at someone for doing slowing things down? Cant really..). I just started pulling back as well. I was texting less, and was a lot shorter / briefer in my messages. Didnt respond straight away, and basically started pulling it back so we where just FB, instead of FWB (I think there is a difference).
Anyway, she cracked it because I wasnt being sweet and sincere anymore. I said she cant have it both ways, and we have a bit of an argument about it.
So this Friday we hung out. We had a great time. Went to the drive in movies, sex that night, fooled around the next morning. Thought everything was hunky dory.
So the next day (Sunday) I message her asking her if she wants to come over and veg out, and rest our hangovers together. Which we had basically pre planned. She said no, she was too hungover, had a migrane, was vomiting and wouldnt be moving all day. I said cool, and that was that.
However, she refused to answer my call when I did call her, and only wrote back after a while via text. Basically this gave me the impression she was with another bloke. (I didnt care THAT much, and would of just rather she goes 'Hey im busy with a friend... cant today, x')
Anyway, last night we spoke on the phone, and I just said 'Are we all good?' and she then started telling me about all these feelings for her ex (which i knew she had) and I asked if he slept with her saturday night, to which she said yes (Already knew basically).
Conversation goes on for a bit, I wasnt really talking that much. I wasnt angry, I was more tired and just couldnt be fucked dealing with these issues over and over again.
So today, I have decided to cut contact. Not speak to her anymore. Move on with someone who doesnt have a shit load of baggage sitting behind them, and who still has very strong feelings for their ex.
I know I shouldnt have got involved with a chick who cheated on her BF with me... It was stupid. Hopefully others can learn from my mistakes.
If anyone is interested, the message I sent her to say its not going to work out was sent after she contacted me with two messages and I replied with
"Hey HB9. It was been amazing getting to know you. This isnt going to work out though. All the best, x"
Hopefully the message shows I am not bitter or angry, and that I am just doing what is best for myself.
Any replies are appreciated.
Sorry for long post. Good effort if you read it all.
07-16-2012, 11:35 PM #2
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Sorry to hear about this bro. Sounds like you approached everything correct and in the end she just is who she is. Only "game" flaw I would say would be you're willingness to give everything to her in fast time frame. My girl didn't meet my family till a year after we started dating and I'm going on year 4 w her. That's extreme but it keeps em guessing and attracted. I would never stay the night or anything for the first year. Just dates and sex. Seems like you went into it with the best of intentions and in the end she lost interest. You're a smart guy and you'll bounce back quickly. Good Luck. HH
07-16-2012, 11:56 PM #3
07-16-2012, 11:58 PM #4
Don't see much wrong here, the text does look bitter and probably a bit angry to me but if you leave it at that there is no harm done. If she gets back to you and wants to patch things up you have to resist (at least for the first few attempts) otherwise she will figure out it was just a line to get her back.
@HANK I'm all for nail and bail but not stay over for a year sounds a bit extreme to me. Only for logistical reasons i couldn't do it.
07-17-2012, 01:13 AM #5
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07-17-2012, 02:16 AM #6
Breaking up with her over text was pretty weak to be honest, no matter what you say (in the text). It should be done in person except if the relationship is extremely casual.
Regardless, leaving the relationship was a good move since your feelings had started to get the better of you. In my experience fuck buddies have to have something wrong with them to prevent you falling for them. Mind you, the higher their number, the more deal breakers they need. For example to fuck a HB 10 and not get emotional she'd have to smoke, hate animals and abuse old people.
07-17-2012, 03:43 AM #7
Lot of good posts on here
Just to clear things up - It wasn't that she lost attraction. She is still very much attracted to me, and still wants to continue what it is we where doing, however, I am not really interested in sharing her with her ex. I think once you break up, that should be it. If she is going to keep going back to and seeing him when I am not available, that's not really cool with me. That is why I ended it.
Birthday - Regarding breaking up with her in person / text - She lives an hour away. My schedule only allows 2 free nights during the week, 1 of which she is unavailable, and the other she was not going to be available this week. So it would have taken me until at earliest, next week to do it in person. She also lives an hour away... I don't think it is necessary to end things in person with a FB, especially when she is going to have to drive an hour here, hear "I dont want to see you any more" and then drive another hour home.
It was not that I wasnt comfortable doing it in person. I don't actually have a massive issue with breaking up with girls, in person, text whatever. It was just the only real way to do it. I could have called, but I didn't want to get into an argument or anything with her regarding it. She wrote back a very nice message, and we are ending on good terms, so I think the text in this situation was fine.
Hugegrant - LOL - I wish I wrote HB9, I did however put her name :P Now I think of it, HB9 would of been pretty funny. lol
HankHavok - Mmm, Meeting my parents isnt a big deal for me. I live at home, so any girls who come over meet them pretty quickly. I am very comfortable introducing girls to my parents, and dont have a issue with it. I also enjoy staying over, and sleeping (not just sex, but actual cuddling and shit, even with ONS). I am a very affectionate person, and personally, I would hate to have to go a year, caring for a girl, and not staying over at her house / waking up with her in the morning.
Once I am having sex with a girl, she is staying over, lol.
I also livein the country, so if we are going out / drinking / staying out late then really, logistically staying over is the only option.
07-17-2012, 04:32 AM #8
When you say this: I don't think it is necessary to end things in person with a FB, especially when she is going to have to drive an hour here, hear "I dont want to see you any more" and then drive another hour home.
but then when you say this:
I think once you break up, that should be it. If she is going to keep going back to and seeing him when I am not available, that's not really cool with me. That is why I ended it.
it contradicts her being just friends with benefits.
However if she only thought of you as a friend with benefits, then that is what matters I guess.
I see what you mean however I suspect you haven't heard the last from her.
07-17-2012, 02:41 PM #9
Yeah, I see what you are saying, however, It was progressing more along the lines of a prelude to a relationship, rather than us just being FWB. In hind sight now though, we where just FWB, as we never progressed past that.
I would think I will be getting a few drunk calls / messages or whatever. Doesnt really matter though. Nothing is going to happen, I am fair busy over the next month or so, so it will be relatively easy to put her out of my mind and get lots of hotter chicks.
07-17-2012, 03:03 PM #10
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She is confused, on the rebound, torn between sense and sensibility etc etc - and thatīs HER problem.
The real question is if OP wants that drama in his life or not - cuz he WILL become victim of the collateral damage in the wake of her breakup/not-breakup, FWB or not.
I have been in the almost exact same situation with an HB9 who was totally single, but just didnt want the intimacy, expectations etc that she disliked about a real relationship. And at the same time we seemed like BF/GF when we were together - and I developed feelings for her that she couldnīt reciprocate or handle, even tho I did little to nothing to push or pace her.
Good call on moving on, Portrait.
She may be the best thing since sliced bread - but at this juncture she needs to figure out her own life and feelings first. Otherwise it will end in a train wreck for both of you.