Where to take it after second meet?
Discuss Where to take it after second meet? at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Lastly, don't take her climbing anymore. DON'T TAKE HER CLIMBING UNTIL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH ...
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- 07-02-2012, 02:22 PM #61
Lastly, don't take her climbing anymore. DON'T TAKE HER CLIMBING UNTIL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH HER. Test her, if that's what she enjoys doing with you - take that away from her. Stop catering to what *she* wants to do. She has to realize that you're not just going to be nice & do what she wants all of the time. Nice = Boring. Be the employer, not the applicant. If she is applying to be your new girlfriend/fuck buddy, make her pass your tests, do what you want, play by your rules & wait around for you. Otherwise, she doesn't get the job. Let her know this, but don't SAY IT - CONVEY IT.
- 07-02-2012, 03:27 PM #62
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Waiting a week or 2 is definitely a sound idea. She seemed more receptive when I made her wait last time!
Yeah, I can understand that about asking her. It would take a fair bit of steering to get onto that without it seeming contrived, but I can try!
I sort of knew I was in the wrong when I persisted with the question, woops! At least I won't do it again!
Well she didn't say we wouldn't be hanging out. She actually said we WOULD still be hanging out (as we have other things in common), but she aired it like the climbing thing helped out. I think she worded it something like "it's sort of like I'm using you for getting into the climbing thing, but I'm definitely not going to ever get bored of doing it with you. Plus we have other things in common anyway, like we need to go traveling together!"
Besides the point really. It was a bit of a put-down onto me, but I didn't rise to it and just ignored it. What you said would have been a better response though!
That's understandable too! I'll just have to wait and see how good she is in bed, and figure it out from that She gave a poor massage though!
Not taking her climbing is an interesting concept too. To sleep with her, I will have to get her to my house (only place we could realistically have sex). I'll have to figure out a good reason for her to come around then! I do really enjoy the climbing too, it's not like it's just me doing it to please her. However it has been a good reason to get her out!
But yeah, I wanted to steer it away from being 'that guy I go climbing with', to 'that guy I do loads of awesome things with'. This would be the best way of doing it!
- 07-02-2012, 05:51 PM #63
- Wait one week.
- You didn't ask the *wrong* question. The phrase "there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers" really apply here & with all questions you ask women, because if you want to know the answer, it is a good question. Mind you, being overly persistent is detrimental in any area of game. So, who cares, don't ask the question again right now, you don't need the answer anyway.
- Yeah, when she says something like that - "I'm hanging out with you for the climbing." etc. - You should roll your eyes, give her a high-value, skeptical look & say something like - "You're not fooling me for a second young lady."
- You don't just want to get her out; getting her out is only 10% of the battle. You need to get her to where you want her. So yeah, it would be good to have her over for dinner or something like that. Sit her down in your living room with a glass of wine while you go off to the kitchen & whip up a meal, then have a romantic dinner with her, some good conversation & then bring her to your room & make it happen.
- 'that guy I go climbing with', to 'that guy I do loads of awesome things with' to "that guy I'm being romantic with."
- 07-03-2012, 06:45 AM #64
For me.. maybe your not escalating aswell as you could when you are with her/spooning etc.. bite her lip, nibble her ear, kiss her neck.. collar bone, let her feel your warm breath on her skin.. suck on her tits. be the man bro.. plough through that shit. Pinning a girls arms up above her head with one of my arms i do sometimes.. tell them to keep their arms there. get to dem teddies.. start sucking on her tits, start to massage her through her pants/jeans etc. But anyway this chick needs punishing.. girls bumped her head. She's calling all the shots.. she's qualifying you saying she gets bored of people quick.. her ex was amazing.. etc. she's putting hoops out for you to jump through. women talk dross. Don't listen to what she says.. she's playing a game. Scratch the escalating now.. don't have her stay at yours.. when she texts you don't ignore her as such, but don't be so compliant, like short anwsers.. like you've lost interest in her and you're just doing the minimal to text back not to be rude. If she does call you out 'are you in a mood with me?' 'have i done something wrong?' just reply with something like 'No, sorry honey.. I've just been busy lately'. Basically stop showing her you give a shit. She'll come running.. could be weeks, could be months, but she will.. It's hardwired.
- 07-04-2012, 04:05 AM #65
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Last time I only tried escalating whilst I was spooning, as I was only doing the pushing away kino thing. To be honest, I tried all the shit I know! I couldn't bite her lip (as I couldn't get close enough without her turning her head away).
I did however, alternative between light touch/heavy touch, kissing her neck/nibbling it, nibbling ear, breathing really close to her neck/boobs/etc and smelling her, played with her nipples a load (and around them sometimes just to tease), I would get closer to her pants, then back off, then later a bit more close, and repeat. I also tried rubbing her inner thighs from outside, then moving slowly to her crotch. Maybe some other things too, but you get the idea. I did really put some real effort into escalating!
And yeah I agree with her calling the shots now all the time. Even when I change up my behavior she still manages to hold some control over the interactions, and well, its annoying..
Something else that happened, which is pretty relevant:
When we were fooling around, it would always be me doing things and not her. She wouldn't be kissing my body or really doing much. I got her to give me a massage, but I had to ask for it. At one point I said something like "when are you going to start messing with my body?" Or repaying the favor or something, it was along those lines anyway. She said "I won't".
It's just like she lets me do it because she enjoys it, but she won't repay it...
I was thinking about it last night, and I realize I'm still putting her on a pedestal. I go climbing with her partly because I enjoy it, but also because it makes her happy. I fool around with her, which pleases her. I don't enjoy only giving out and not receiving. Nor do I enjoy all these barriers. Another thing I thought about, was if I found out she was sleeping with someone else atm I would probably get upset/annoyed. She keeps putting up these barriers to keep things on the level that she wants. This isn't the level I want, so I shouldn't be settling for it..
She even said that she uses people for things. Is this the sort of thing I would want in a friendship or relationship? Feeling like I'm only there for as long as I can keep her entertained, like some sort of jumping monkey..
Why should I be putting up with this shit? As much as I'm trying to be alpha about it all, I'm not... Now I'm more annoyed at myself than I care about her. Sure I've already learned a bunch, but I can't ruin it all now. I need to carry extract some more from this situation to help myself develop for the long run.
TFA gave me 2 good options for how I could take it.
1. Cut her off completely, and remove her from my life.
2. Tell her to come around and have sex. If she says no, just tell her not to bother coming around.
I feel like whatever happens, I need to completely change things up. I feel used by her, and it's totally not fucking on. I hang around with her, and I really enjoy it. Things are easy, we sit and chat shit for hours on end, always laughing and never getting bored. This clouded my judgement somewhat. It's hard to try and detach myself from the situation and look at what is actually going on. When I really look at it, I'm doing all these things to please her but not always pleasing myself. I need to sort this out, immediately!
The second option seems best to me. I won't see her until the party, and see how she reacts around me. I'll ask her that night to stay over, and see what happens. The other option would be to do what foxessence suggested, but I'm not sure if I'm already past that point. I don't know if it would be enough to make her sort her own behavior and attitudes out. Anything else that people can add or discuss would be awesome!
- 07-04-2012, 06:13 AM #66
The 2 options is kind of an ultimatum.. here's the key though.. if you choose to cut her out your life.. dont tell her, give her reasons etc.. just do it. She'll soon be thinking why doesn't he bother with me anymore..?? and she will soon realize it's because she's being shit. She knows she is.. she's just enjoying the control. 2nd option.. I wouldnt bother lol.. your not going to win from saying that to her. You just need to act not phased by the situation, and just act like your naturally getting bored of her.. still be civil with her but like you would with someone who's an acquaintance. if you confront her about the 2 options above and let her know.. that just shows you obviously give a shit and you're doing it because your not getting what you want = lose. It's not over. You'll rail this chick I know you will it's just time. She just needs challenging.. Don't have her round anymore.. she's shit. Merely speak to her when she contacts you, and when you and your friends go out climbing and she comes along still have friendly convos and stuff but dont show her any kind of interest.
people care about people that care about themselves.
- 07-04-2012, 02:12 PM #67
tease, use good attractive body language/tone, etc. but now is time to go more direct. & if that doesn't work, who gives a fuck, move on.
- 07-04-2012, 03:28 PM #68
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD JUST USE JEALOUSY PLOT LINE.
Find a new girl or a female friend and bring them along to your next meet. Introduce her just by name, then continue to discreetly act as a couple with her.
This timewaster needs a big kick up the arse to get moving.
P.S - women feel 'used', quit thinking like this, you are being a pussy. Don't take anything she says seriously. If you are not sure what to say back just LAUGH.
- 07-06-2012, 03:16 AM #69
Some great ideas been put forward here
For what it's worth, i'll try to add some more/mine
Agour, what happened to: "Is this the sort of thing I would want in a friendship or relationship?" - keep that firmly fixed in mind.
I think playing for sex (option 2) is a way of keeping this one going. Cutting her off is going to be hard, and hurt; so, the option2 removes that ache (or postpones at the least). Alternatively, going for option 2 is like getting the goal you've worked for - you've invested so much time, you feel like you deserve it.
^^all of that is going to end up with you hurting more
She evidently enjoys the control of the situation. Remember, as much as you think you're escalating with the various places you're touching, until you have sex - she is still in control. I remember reading something about sex is the final 'power' a woman holds over a man. So, you can touch everywhere you like, and she'll know exactly what you want, and know that until SHE wants, you are under her control.
Once again: YOU are the prize. If you're doing all that and she's doing nothing, just stop, put the lights on and seem completely unphased, but tell her 'the mood just didn't seem right'... because, she WILL be aroused, so you suddenly stopping gives you control of the situation. It means you aren't just like every other guy that will break his back backflipping for sex. You'll be amazed how often this last minute resistence tactics work. And if/when they don't, they leave you with a sense of control anyway - because you were the one to turn the lights on and stop it.
Never sacrifice your inner game to play their game.
She does seem like a cool person to be around, but I'm worrying for your inner game mate, and how much this is affecting you. I've read your posts and heard your views. I know you're better than this. now, you need to know that too.
My view, based purely on how i work, option 1 is the best. I can see the benefits of option 2, and some of my friends have done similar things. Personally, I figure: if they dont want to have sex with me (by the stage/time you're at), then whatever, i'm calling up one of my other girls or heading out to find another. I don't need sex that much from someone to ever have to ask for it. But that's just me, and I know TFA and you aren't going to 'ask' for it per se... Personally, I think you'll get one of two reactions, her laughing it off (because she doesnt want that ultimatum, she wants this game to continue - as she's curretly winning).. OR, she'll agree without explicitly agreeing (she doesn't want to seem a slut), and she'll come over and run the same merry dance you've been having.
There's nothing in her behaviour so far that makes me think she'll be flipped by version of the 'come over for sex' path.
Jealousy routine could work.. but they can get messy and complicated... and why bother? Why not just take the other girl out for some dates - why use her to get to this one?!
i'll have more of a think and maybe come back with more...
- 07-06-2012, 03:17 AM #70
just got your pm as i pressed 'post it'....
I agree mate.
If she's not running after you, she's not good enough for you.
Make her move, or move on.
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