Discuss Don't want to approach? at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Don't want to approach?
I'm known with the PUA -world for half a ...
Don't want to approach?
I'm known with the PUA-world for half a year now. I'm still just a beginner.
When i go out with friends, i don't feel to approach girls. It's very weird. Before I go out, i'm decided to approach girls, but when i'm in a club/bar, i don't feel the need to approach girls.
Do you guys know this feeling?
Thats because there is no "need" to approach girls when youre out with your friends and your brain is giving you that excuse to veryify your reasoning as to why youre not doing it.
I was very bad with Approach Anxiety and it took me months to get over it. I have read almost everything on the subject that I could get my hands on and tried a lot of things.
I used to work in a cinema about 4 years ago and didnt have a problem just going up to people and chatting so that I could get them to fill in some questionnaires but going up to someone in town scared the life out of me.
But you can do that same thing, just pretend that youre going up to someone just to sell them something. Theres always the option of giving your friend £100 and telling them to give you £20 back after each approach.
I also find it a lot easier if Im showing someone else how to approach as I know Im just putting a show on.
In a bar / club its a fast paced, loud environment and can be scary. Its a jungle out there. But you have to just do it. Even if your brain is telling you that theres no need.
The give a mate 100 and get 20 back each time sounds a really good way to ensure you approach, i'd never not approach to lose 100 quid!
I guess it's indeed my AA which is holding me from talking to women. I can try that trick, but i think i'll fail in the beginning! Tonight i'm going out, so i'll try to give it a try!
Some tips for me regarding approaching / talking about?
My main tip is for before you go out. Listen to lots of music. Its good to get in a fun high energetic mood before you go out. If youre not listening to any music and having fun before you get there then you look awkward while getting adjusted. So listen to music and talk with friends before you go out. It helps.
Theres loads to talk about so I highly suggest buying either magic bullets or the routines manual if you need ideas on what to talk about and approaching. Just dont forget to change it to suite you and dont recite it word for word, make sure its how you would normally talk. Some people learn a routine off by heart and when they talk they say it exactly as it was written and sound like theyre reading a book.
Opinion openers are always a good start. My favorite being the "Do I look like a drug dealer" routine how ever I rarely feel like I can get away with that one.
I've RM 1 and 2, but not read the full manual so far! I'll scan it be4 i go out in 2 hours! And i often listen to party music before i go out, to get in the mood then. But then, i'm in a party mood, not a social talk mood.
You need to merge the two things and see partying as going out, drinking, talking to strangers, making friends, listening to music and dancing. You need to see it all as one thing. Just imagine when you watch people in movies that are rich and good with women and how they act when they go out. They are the center of attention.
It takes something like 28 repetitions for something to become habit so it will take time but once you have the mind set that making new friends is part of the fun of going out partying then it will start to become easier.
Doesnt "going out, drinking, talking to strangers, making friends, listening to music and dancing" sound so much more fun than "going out with friends to drink, listening to music and dancing".
Its all about just letting go and having more fun than you usually would. You have to step out of your comfort zone. Imagine if someone never went on a rollercoaster because they were afraid compared to them stepping out of there comfort zone and having a hell of an experience even if it was scary at first. They will most likely always go back in that queue for another turn.
Deandt, thanks for your advice. I'm indeed in my comfort zone when i'm going out with friends. Hits hard to get out it, combined with my AA... You know exactly what i'm going through. I'm now know with PUA for a half a year, but still made not that progress to get out of my comfort zone and get rid of my AA.. I made some progression (i hear from friends also!!), but not the progress i want to make.
I can relate. I was terrified. I actualy had to jump out of a plane to get past my AA. I figured if I can drop from 10,000m in the sky I can approach women so I went sky diving. It worked for me however I dont recommend it to everyone lol.
Have fun tonight and if youre nervous just start small. When youre at the bar waiting to get served just talk to the girl stood next to you, if she was there first just say something like "want to bet 50p then I can get served before you". If she says no then thats fine, get your drink and leave. As long as you said it is all that matters. Just get used to speaking without hitting on them. If she says yes then no matter who wins just say I will be over later to collect my winnings / I will be over later to pay my dept. Get your drinks and leave. Then you have an opportunity to go over and talk later on.
That's a nice one! It's a low threshold to cross. I'll let you know how it went!
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