Results 71 to 80 of 151
03-19-2012, 04:54 PM #71
From a girl perspective, this is asshole behavior. You (albeit begrudgingly) agreed to commit to girl #1 and she said she would rather let you go than be open, and then you went against that by keeping something going with another girl. Yes, you do need to end it, but I really, really doubt you are going to end up on good terms if she flies up and sleeps with you a few more times before you do end it. There is no good way to deal with this situation. She will feel cheated on because you in fact cheated on her. You should be honest and upfront and break it off in person and then she is stuck with you for the weekend so you should really start thinking of how to smooth that over.
If I thought I was in a closed relationship and they broke it off and it turned out they'd cheated just before and decided to do the right thing only after a few last f-closes, I would be livid.
03-19-2012, 04:55 PM #72
03-19-2012, 04:58 PM #73
03-19-2012, 05:31 PM #74
03-20-2012, 05:22 AM #75
How did you find out your bf was into game?
What was your reaction when you found out he had learned how to seduce women?
Can escalating on a girl and trying to make her sleep with you on a first meet ever be harmful? I'm still fighting AFC programming which made me think I had to respect a girl at all times - not force my way into her underwear.
03-20-2012, 07:10 AM #76
I felt truly violated because he'd done a lot of hurtful things. What hurt wasn't that he'd used game per se, it was realizing he'd been playing dumb and trying to achieve outcomes he knew weren't right for me. I am a one night stand or an LTR and I own that and he kept stringing me along. I also felt like despite all this energy to work on his game he made it my fault when he panicked. He called me a snob, compared me to another girl, informed me that I was not that smart, complained when I would confront him that I was drama, but if I didn't I had low self esteem, he freaked out over my #, etc. The real problem was that he isn't happy as a person and doesn't know how to make a choice and be happy with it.
I read his posts and I think I felt hurt, embarrassed. I also kinda felt superior as I sat in judgment of his failures and laughed at his meager victories. Kinda messed I know but it's how I felt. It wouldn't have been like any of this if he had not been kinda using me/not really in love with me, if it was just some guy I had a normal non-toxic relationship with I wouldn't care that much.
Oh and I'm unusually good at finding a persons online skeletons so take heart this is not a normal thing..I'm just kind of an Internet savant.
Ok forcing your way is a bad choice of words I hope you agree. It totally depends what the girls expectations are so you have to read her well for an f-close. I suggest letting her do the talking at first so you don't blow it by misreading her. I see different approaches work for different situations and I'm sure you all are more expert than me at this body of knowledge. If she's giving intense nonverbals you can afford to be more forward. Otherwise see if you can get her to agree to something only an f-close would do, like leave her friends and go with you somewhere, or take a ride home from you, go back to one of your homes to drink more, etc. These are meaningful choices that are suggesting interest but just don't take them to be 100% accurate because sometimes girls change their mind or play games of their own. Don't rape anyone which also means don't hook up with someone who is far too drunk. Do make a move and just be willing to stop. You shouldn't feel bad, just go for it and be accepting when it doesn't work out. I think some girls go on defensive when they know they were leading a guy on. Just respectfully tip your hat and move on, lest you get sucked into a fight they really need to have with themselves.
03-20-2012, 07:22 AM #77
This is sound advice, xbman. Looks like you know what you're talking about.
Here's a tough one. Women are looked at (in mine and many other of my friends' perspectives) as emotional beings simply because they tend to act off of their emotions rather than use logic to their advantage. I see that, when it's time to make that course changing move (of actually making out/having sex with her) she seems to become distant and is unsure of what she should do. Whenever this happens, I just break through it by becoming twice as distant, showing her that it's completely fine that she doesn't want to move forward and I'd be mature about the situation - although this sometimes leads to sex because she realizes that I'm not the kind of guy to keep on pestering her after she's said no to begin with.
Anyway, my question is this:
When women but up last minute resistance, what's typically the reasons for them doing so?
I know they don't want to come off as a slut, be looked down on by her friends, become "that girl" that had sex the first time around, etc. but there has to be some other underlying reasons why women are so hesitant to have sex the first time around (first date/meet-up). Any personal experience to help support why women use emotion rather than logic in these types of situations? Why they just "don't feel it" sometimes, but other times they're just ready to jump on the ball?
03-20-2012, 07:27 AM #78I pasted into Google and a TAF thread on DHVs came up.
03-20-2012, 07:29 AM #79
I agree 'forcing' is a bad choice of words. What I mean is by trying to do something like take a girl home when first meeting her is there a danger she will think 'what kind of girl does he think I am?' and never speak to me again...or will she still respect me for trying?
03-20-2012, 07:45 AM #80
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
At this point I've decided to just leave it be and wait for her to contact me. Depending on what's on her mind I could just tell her my thoughts up front on the phone so she can cancel her flight and get a refund or credit at least.
If she still ends up coming up, I still want her to have a good time here so I have a fun weekend lined up. At the end though I'll have to have a heart to heart conversation with her. These are my talking points:
a) I love spending time with you and when we're together it's really special
b) You're amazing in so many ways
c) both of us have a lot more growing up and maturing to do
d) a long distance relationship isn't meeting our needs
e) I can't rationalize the effort required to make a LDR work when she doesn't know when or if she can move to NYC - right now she seems dead set on going to grad school for accounting but hasn't even submitted her applications for the fall semester or written her personal statement yet. I tried to help her get started by asking her why she wants to go to graduate school and she just said "you" - but that's not a good answer for the admissions officer. I think she's also afraid to leave her current city because her parents are still supporting her in some capacity.
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