What to say if she says ...

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  1. What to say if she says ...

    "Why haven't you called lately?"

    I'm dating a girl long distance and it's been a week since I called her (although last night she e-mailed me pictures of our most recent time together). It's possible she'll say this, as she has in the past on a couple occasions. In those instances, I usually just said something that fit the situation (i.e. "I've been working a lot"). But this time is a bit different, as I could sense her pushing back from me just a little, which is why I left her be for a while.

    Thus, would it be all right to say:

    "I know you've been busy trying to find a new job and I wanted to give you some space."

    All advice and suggestions are appreciated.



  2. #2

    I'd avoid talking about it. Just call and talk to her. If she brings it up deflect. If she doesn't just act like she never asked.

  3. Quote Originally Posted by jrock83 View Post
    I'd avoid talking about it. Just call and talk to her. If she brings it up deflect. If she doesn't just act like she never asked.
    Thanks for the reply. Can you please provide an example of a deflection, if she should bring it up?

  4. #4

    Say whatever you want. Ask her a question or tell her a funny story about something a friend or your dog did. Or if you must say something to it ask why she hasn't called you lately. She's trying to set the frame you've done something wrong. Answer directly and you buy into it. Deflect or turn it around on her and you keep the frame.

  5. Got ya. Thanks again.

  6. Quote Originally Posted by lagers View Post
    Thus, would it be all right to say:

    "I know you've been busy trying to find a new job and I wanted to give you some space."
    That line sounds like what George McFly would say. Just ignore the "blame" question and talk like if she isn't so negative about you.

  7. #7

    I've gotten this question, and I don't think it's so much a shit test as it is a genuine question, though it needs to be reframed. I always just say something along the lines of "I've been super busy. On the other hand, why haven't YOU called ME? ; )" I wouldn't use yours because it sounds like you're explaining yourself to her and that you care a lot by purposly not calling.

  8. if you decide to go caring or playful, avoid the implicit accusation that you have done something wrong. as the others said- she could phone you.

    Also, I'm back mate, will respond to emails next week... been a hell of a few weeks. hope all is well.

    apologies for my absence.

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