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Discuss My girlfriends best friend says that she's cheating on me at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; My girlfriends best friend says that she's cheating on me Me and my girlfriend have ...
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    My girlfriends best friend says that she's cheating on me

    Me and my girlfriend have been dating now for 2.5 years, and there is no way that I can believe that she is cheating on me. She is the love of my life, and I would give anything up for her (I've been with quite a few women and have never felt this way about anyone else). We live in different cities that are 1.5 hours away, and I see her about every weekend (She also has her mother's house that's an hour away in the other direction).

    I called her up on Christmas Eve to say hi, and she answered the phone but was completely hammered; her best friend gets the phone from her and proceeded to tell me that she has been cheating on me for a long time, and that she (the best friend) couldn't stand by and watch. The best friend said that she was cheating on me (commitment issues from her dad cheating on her mom) in both places and gave details that somewhat matched up to things that I know. The best friend says that my girlfriend has said to her that she wants a guy in her home town, and that I am just not "it." I literally can not believe that she could do this to me; she means everything in the world to me, she's the woman that I wanted to marry and have kids with, and as far as I can tell loves me. I need hard substantial evidence for me to believe.

    I've devised a plan to have the best friend call me, and then call my girlfriend (three-way call) while my phone is on mute and listen to the conversation for the best friend to try and coax some type of admission of any unfaithfulness. If found unfaithful, I will break up with her immediately, but nothing I say will point back to the best friend.

    My question is: What do you guys think of this plan? Can anyone think of anything else that would help prove to me that she is doing this (I've accused her of cheating in the past and have given her windows to tell me the truth, but she won't admit anything).

    One more important detail is that after about two hours on the phone with her best friend (she was using her own phone at this point), said afterwards that she wanted what me and my girlfriend had (as far as my side of the relationship) and wanted to come see me a couple of days later. She is the only one that has said anything about my girl cheating on me.

    Should I look for other means (other friends) to find out? Or should I go with my original plan of the three-way call?

    Thanks in advance.



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    The three way call sounds like a good idea, and if her best friend is telling you that she's cheating on you, she most likely is.

    For now, remain cool and just go with the flow.
    "The mind only acts as an enemy for those who do not control it."

    You only lose what you cling to. -Buddha

    Here's how I see it:

    Men act, women react. Don't take the woman's role.

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    Ouch. First, you have my sympathy... and empathy..

    Now for the bad news

    1) Your first paragraph is meaningless to this situation. Blunt but true. Whatever your feelings for her, proclaimations of love and devotion and one-itis sugar wrapped for xmas... it does not change her actions or the possibility of her cheating. Know that whatever you feel, she is still an independent woman,and you could very well love her more than any tarzan has loved any eve... but, that does not mean that dearest eve, jane, or whoever wont go off with someone else.
    So, realise your level of love does not correlate with any girls level of commitment... sometimes it's reciprocal, but don't rest on your heels and take it as a given. Relationships are 2way streams.
    What I'm trying to say is, it would be good to hear how you think SHE feels...

    2) The 3 way conversation would make Jason Bourne have a happy wee... but to me, it's a waste of time... If you're prepared and eager to go to that extent, then it means for all your love for this girl, you do not fundamentally trust her. Complete trust. So, the relationship is as good as over. The answer to the end of point 1 should be "i think she may not love me as much as i love her, and she may be cheating"
    --that is the only answer, if you're prepared to go to this extent...

    What happens if the conversation does not end with some kind of confession
    a) your girlfriend is obviously clever and knows how to conceal cheating... she may get aware what her best friend is doing and avoid the topic etc... you learn nothing and come back in a week posting
    "i've found a clinic that does face changes... i think i can take an injection and not be recognisable to anyone" - and then Ethan Hunt comes to b*tchslap you for copyright infringement. ... actually, that's only Tom Cruise and he's short.. so dont worry...

    i digress

    b) she doesn't admit to it, because she is being faithful... but she may find out you didn't trust her.
    Ouch for her

    c) she admits it. You get your proof... so what?! how does that change from where you are now?
    You feel in some way vindicated for breaking up with her..

    Well, save yourself some time and effort.... just confront her, if you're that worried. Look at her face, look in her eyes.


    Oh... and finally... don't forget that this 'best friend' could well just be making a play for you and trying to split you and your loving girlfriend up.....
    I've known sicker/trickier/lovelier women..........


    (apologies if any of this is harsh, but i've been in a similar situation and got burnt badly... take our words and avoid the flames)
    Example of DHV: I show her my AngryBirds score
    Example of DLV: She shows me hers...

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    Do you trust your girlfriend? If the answer is no, then you should break up with her, regardless of her infidelity.

    If the answer was yes, then you wouldn't have made this thread.

    I think you know what you need to do.

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    If the friend is making a play for you its probably true thats shes cheating it just makes her friend feel less guilty about going for you. happened to me before the girls that are willing to tell you are probably the ones that are keen..

    sucks if its true bro will take a few weeks to months to get overit..
    anyhow hope its all a false alarm for ya..

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    First of all, thank you for the quick replies. I know that my feelings for her and how I treat her does not guarantee the way that she feels for me or her faithfulness to me. As far as her feelings for me, I know that she cares about me and that she wants to be with me (I know that she might not want to be with me forever, but I know she at least wants to be with me right now, which of course is not enough for me). We've broken up before (her initiation, she said that I wasn't showing her the affection that she wanted), but she contacted me three days later saying that she missed me and wanted to get back together (Btw, when she told me that she didn't want to be with me, I said ok (didn't whine, make excuses, beg, or anything). I immediately changed our relationship status, and "untagged" myself in every photo that we were in, and sent her a facebook message that said that I would do anything to make her happy. Like I said, she contacted me three days later, said that she was really unhappy, and that she wanted to get back together, and up until now, everything has been great.

    The only reason that I want to do the three-way call is to get proof (I've only heard this from her best friend, and it's possible that she is making a play for me). Whether I get it or not during is a different story. I'll be able to listen to her reactions to innocent questions that anyone would ask, like "how long are you staying with your dad for Christmas?," "what are you and your bf doing for new years?," and if she has stronger feelings for the guy in her home town, "Have you talked to John?" (John's not his name, and from what the best friend told me, he told her that he is not going to share her, to which she cried for a long time). I'll have a script written up, that will be as if any friend were talking to another friend.

    If I don't get proof, and her best friend is making a play for me, then breaking up with her without proof could be the greatest mistake that I will ever make in my life (and I've made some big ones). I've asked her before if she is cheating on me, and of course she has said no, and that she would never do it (a lie that any good cheater can say). I know that there is always a possibility for her to cheat; we're in different cities, and she isn't the shyest girl in the world. And as far as trust, I completely trust her.

    Don't worry about being harsh, I'm thick skinned and up for any suggestions and advice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by denumbaone View Post
    If I don't get proof, and her best friend is making a play for me, then breaking up with her without proof could be the greatest mistake that I will ever make in my life (and I've made some big ones). I've asked her before if she is cheating on me, and of course she has said no, and that she would never do it (a lie that any good cheater can say). I know that there is always a possibility for her to cheat; we're in different cities, and she isn't the shyest girl in the world. And as far as trust, I completely trust her.
    This paragraph completely contradicts itself. If you trusted her, you wouldn't have ever asked her if she was cheating on you.

    Dumping a girl is NOT the biggest mistake you could ever make. This relationship is clearly going downhill. Breaking it off could end up being the best decision of your life. Stop letting your emotional feelings cloud the issue. You don't trust her, and you're afraid that you won't be able to find better. Life goes on, and there is ALWAYS someone better out there, regardless of how you feel.

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    you dont see her much,she gets hammered drunk,lets her friend tell you about her activities for a few hours,tells you shes overit out of the blue...then wants you to come back..
    Does she initiate much contact with you or do you have to always pursue her?
    by the sounds of it shes getting more distant to the point were you need to listen in on conversations..Just hit her up.. Man Game.

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    The only reason that I say it would be the worst mistake of my life, is because she is perfect (she has her flaws like everyone does, but she has all of the characteristics that I want in a girl/wife; she is the very best girl that I've ever met). The reason that I asked her if she was cheating on me was because we hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks, and when we had sex she wasn't tight at all (every time we've ever had sex after not having it in a couple of days, she's had this "pinch" that I could feel and could tell that it made her uncomfortable for a quick second; once I fully penetrated, it went away and everything was good). That thought consumed me until I confronted her about it, and she assured me that she would never cheat on me (which of course could be another lie). Also, you can never know if a girl's been blowing anyone (which is also what her best friend has told me that she has done. She's never given me a reason not to trust her; I've never caught her in a lie, and as far as I know has never lied to me.

    I agree that if she is cheating on me, that breaking up with her would be the best decision, and I wouldn't hesitate or falter in the decision to break up with her. The thing is that I've only heard this from one source, and need actual proof that she is doing this to me. If it turns out that she is not cheating on me and is true to me, than I would love her and trust her that much more.

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    Quote Originally Posted by maccas View Post
    Does she initiate much contact with you or do you have to always pursue her?
    by the sounds of it shes getting more distant to the point were you need to listen in on conversations..Just hit her up.. Man Game.
    She usually initiates calls and texts (calls about 2-3 times a day, and texts all day long), but I, of course, call her or text her whenever I want to. Also, I can't let her know that her friend told me all of this, so I can't come up to her with facts that only her best friend knows (things that I shouldn't know). I've made a promise to her best friend that I won't let her know that I know anything.

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