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Discuss To Liberate a Girl from Her Boring BF at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; To Liberate a Girl from Her Boring BF I've met this really great girl, and ...
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    To Liberate a Girl from Her Boring BF

    I've met this really great girl, and I'm actually impressed for real this time, not just in a she's hot way, but in a potentially long term relationship way.

    And she has a bf. Of course.

    And to add insult to injury, the bf is older, not wealthy, not good looking, really normal average joe kind of guy. That is to say, older, poor, not good looking, but having an awesome personality it totally legit. This guy apparently is some boring schmoe with limited ability to make people around him feel good.

    She says her friends are always like you should get yourself a more first class guy, but she thinks she and her bf (of 1.5 years) have this mental/emotional connection. My take on it is that she basically just settled for an average Joe, was happy to have a guy, and stayed in there and invested 1.5 years into the relationship, and fools herself into thinking that this is good in order to hide from the truth that she just settled for less because she's probably not confident that she deserves better, or that better even exists.

    I think she's got this idea in her head that if you look good, you've got no personality, if you're rich, you're machiavellian, if you've got personality, then you're likely to cheat, if you're smart, then you're probably a nerd, it's like everything that's good turns into a count against you. And I'm saying it's possible to be all of those things at the same time. Average isn't good, average is average. James Bond is good. And I've spent my 29 year life trying to be like James Bond, and if she has the chance to be with me, that's a wonderful wonderful thing for her.

    From her body language and the fact that she's always down to hang out with me for dinner/drinks, I think she likes me. I could swear she's got that doggy dinner bowl look sometimes. I told her I've recently met somebody I think is right for me, and I think she was kinda jealous. But I also feel like she's got a pretty strong bond with her 1.5 year bf, and she's one of those nice good girls who probably feels like she should be loyal above all else, instead of taking a risk.

    I need everybody's advice as to how to go about this situation. I'll be the first to admit, I've actually got some oneitis on this one. Should I go for the kill? Should I bide my time and build up my own emotional/mental connection with her until she's ready to dump her bf for me? Should I try to meet a bunch of other women? And would that strategy be to stop having oneitis over her or would it be to make her jealous and have a sense of urgency about wanting me?

    One note about going for the kill - she is currently my dance partner, and it's really hard to find a good one where I am. If I go for the kill and she's unreceptive and things get awkward, I would lose her as a dance partner. And she's very valuable to me as a partner.



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    I don't really care about the moral debate on bf's and whatnot anymore.

    But you don't have a snowball's chance in hell and it's pretty obvious from an objective stand point.
    theattractionforums.com/relationships/145617-why-your-relationship-sucks
    theattractionforums.com/relationships/153112-insecurity-lack-trust-cheating-relationship
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    Isolation, especially time alone with her outside your specified activity. Hold her hand during intense conversations. At some point, though, I think going in for the kill is probably your best best.

    BnG is not totally right. I made it work with a girl in a relationship... although that ends up being its own problem.

    I think the key to making it stick is an attitude of desire mixed with nonchalance. Make it clear that the most important thing is that she stay your dance partner... but you still want her. I use the line, "I won't be awkward. I'm just being honest with my body and my feelings. You take it how you will." If you can get away with it, say stuff like that while stroking her neck and such. I think I delivered that line just before kissing the fingertips of the girl I'm thinking about. We WERE lovers and ARE friends. Does this make sense? I've had a lot of success managing the line between friendship and sex, but in a way that seems to naturally lead to a relationship. If my advice is unclear or doesn't set your mind in motion, lemme know.

    What kind of dance do you do?
    Biggest, Baddest, Best Instructor, Love Systems
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    Now I'm not saying it's not possible to get a girl in a fulfilling relationship. I too have been very successful with getting a girl to forget about her significant other for a few hours. Karma IS a bitch though.

    My statement was it was not possible for the O.P. to pull this off. He is delusional.

    the bf is older, not wealthy, not good looking, really normal average joe kind of guy.
    This is his opinion on the bf. Also, as Stallion advocates, looks are not important.

    ability to make people around him feel good.
    This is important.


    but she thinks she and her bf (of 1.5 years) have this mental/emotional connection
    Her perspective are words describing emotion. Your take on it is from a logical view, already you're engaged in a losing battle. Furthermore all your stipulations are painting a picture which benefits you. I can't call you out on this, it's human nature, we'd all be dead if weren't biased optimists. Also we rate ourselves a few points higher than we really are, again this is due to evolution.

    I think she's got this idea in her head that if you look good, you've got no personality, if you're rich, you're machiavellian, if you've got personality, then you're likely to cheat, if you're smart, then you're probably a nerd, it's like everything that's good turns into a count against you
    this is good in order to hide from the truth that she just settled for less because she's probably not confident that she deserves better
    Again, stipulations on behalf of the Original Poster in which he is making optimistic assumptions.


    From her body language and the fact that she's always down to hang out with me for dinner/drinks, I think she likes me
    She's in a commited relationship where she feels her and her bf have a emotional connection. The very fact that she is comfortable to hang out with you for dinner and drinks means you're making zero progress. She is comfortable hanging out with you because she Knows she isn't going to fuck you. Look at it this way, if she was hesitant to hang out with you, it would be because she can't trust herself alone with you. She would be worried that she would fuck you, her logical side would stop her emotional side from even getting warmed up.

    I could swear she's got that doggy dinner bowl look sometimes.
    Again, stipulations.

    I think she was kinda jealous
    Further stipulations.

    But I also feel like she's got a pretty strong bond with her 1.5 year bf,
    This makes sense. This is also the only stipulation you've made where you act on fact rather than thought. Notice how you switch 'feel' for 'think'. Semantics, perhaps, but non the less an interesting thing to note.

    I'll be the first to admit, I've actually got some oneitis on this one.
    This never turns out well.

    BnG is not totally right. I made it work with a girl in a relationship
    In this situation I am and I'm also sure that you, Future, know that your situation was different from his. I'm also sure that you know different calibration applies to every situation. There is no magic bullet, what worked for you, in this situation I highly doubt will work for midnight_sky.

    Keep her as a dance partner and as a friend Midnight. You're wasting your time pursuing further, there is more out there. Go build up you skill set a bit more, this is a situation where even you said you don't want to risk losing a good dance partner. This isn't a moral debate i'm putting forth, from what you've told us I can put together a conclusion of you losing a dance partner and her choosing the guy she feels(Super important) that she has an emotional and mental connection with over you.

    Your actual best and only bet would be too hope that he fucks up immensely somehow.

    -BnG
    theattractionforums.com/relationships/145617-why-your-relationship-sucks
    theattractionforums.com/relationships/153112-insecurity-lack-trust-cheating-relationship
    theattractionforums.com/general-discussion/153452-how-properly-use-kino-read-comment

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    I agree with BnG's assessment, while I'm sure it will be possible for Future, it doesn't feel like midnight_Sky is anywhere near that level.

    Doesn't mean you shouldn't go for it midnight_sky, will probably be a good experience and training for you. If you don't mind losing your dance partner / oneitis. Depends on your long term goals. Besides, personally, I really hate 'what if' questions..
    Think outside the box.. Or better yet, keep expanding yours

    The way you do anything, is the way you do everything

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    BnG, don't be so cynical.
    I'm just not going to assume midnight_Sky is clueless. In fact, he's 28 and he's been a member here since 2008, so I'm going to assume at least a passing knowledge of game and game techniques. Add to that, he's in some kind of competitive dance environment, which strongly suggests the ability to read small changes in body language and facial expression. Those judges watch everything, from the gleam of your smile to the stray strings on your shoulder seam. Moreover, from my experience, it's hard to have a one-sided sexual response. If he's smoldering around her and feeling this great tension between him and the girl, she's probably feeling it too, even if she's not willing to cheat on the boyfriend.

    As I see it, we're quibbling over the meaning of one poorly written pair of sentences:

    And to add insult to injury, the bf is older, not wealthy, not good looking, really normal average joe kind of guy. That is to say, older, poor, not good looking, but having an awesome personality it totally legit. This guy apparently is some boring schmoe with limited ability to make people around him feel good.
    I am assuming that he meant to say, "That is to say, older, poor, not good-looking, but if he had an awesome personality it would be totally legit. This guy is apparently some boring schmoe without even the ability to make people around him feel good."

    If you're right, yes, your advice stands. If not, mine works. If the OP is socially stunted and unable to perceive the happiness this guy leaves in his wake as he passes, that's a sign he needs to utterly abandon this girl as an interest and focus entirely on using her as a pivot (since she's his dance partner). I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, though, and I'm assuming there really is tension and chemistry there.

    As an addendum, BnG, I recommend you look up "stipulation." I don't see him specifying any terms of any agreement, so unless you see something in the text that implies that, the word you seem to mean is "assume," and all its derivations. If you want to use big words, always be certain of their meaning or you look sesquipedalian.
    Biggest, Baddest, Best Instructor, Love Systems
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    Ye, I don't think it's worth it.
    You guys are dance partners, meaning you are colleagues and probably friends. Learn to value that. If something is bound to happen it will.
    And again this girl is telling you she has an awesome connection with her bf. [red flag] Who are you to say otherwise.

    And last, try to stop being so egocentric. Don't do to others what you don't want done to you.
    "Psychology is an essential ingredient so that logic dominates emotions, and the human dominates the animal"

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    Quote Originally Posted by midnight_Sky View Post
    If I go for the kill and she's unreceptive and things get awkward, I would lose her as a dance partner. And she's very valuable to me as a partner.
    Double negative = dance partner and already has a boyfriend. Next.
    "The mind only acts as an enemy for those who do not control it."

    You only lose what you cling to. -Buddha

    Here's how I see it:

    Men act, women react. Don't take the woman's role.

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    My assessment actually took no consideration into game. That isn't even a factor here.

    In this situation I am and I'm also sure that you, Future , know that your situation was different from his. I'm also sure that you know different calibration applies to every situation. There is no magic bullet , what worked for you, in this situation I highly doubt will work for midnight_sky.
    What I meant here was that the situation in which Midnight finds himself here is different from the situation you found yourself in. In this situation this girl is showing no hints that she wants to fuck Midnight. She is however certain her and her bf share a very special bond, one in which Midnight cannot compete with.

    As I see it, we're quibbling over the meaning of one poorly written pair of sentences:
    No, this was a very minor point. My assessment isn't really taking into account what either guy here (O.P. and the Bf) is like in terms of game looks etc. (That would be logical) I'm looking at this from an emotional aspect which is necessary if Midnight wants to properly game girls in relationships. The arguement I was putting forth was a compare/contrast between Midnights perspective and the perspective of the Girl.

    Again, my advice is that there is very little Midnight can do, Savoy himself said that some girls can't be 'persuaded' into cheating on their bf's. Midnight, continue to improve your life and make yourself attractive to girls in general. You say you live like James bond? Hit up the bar, order a Martini, shaken, not stirred and have other women on your agenda. While you do this, you might get lucky, this boyfriend might mess up somehow, and this girl might fall into your arms.

    -BnG


    As an addendum, BnG, I recommend you look up "stipulation." I don't see him specifying any terms of any agreement, so unless you see something in the text that implies that, the word you seem to mean is "assume," and all its derivations. If you want to use big words, always be certain of their meaning or you look sesquipedalian.
    Thank you Future. best advice given so far. . . Only joking
    theattractionforums.com/relationships/145617-why-your-relationship-sucks
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    Props for living like James Bond - I, too, pride myself on it. But ask yourself.. What would he do in this situation? Not get oneitis and start changing his behavior towards the girl, that's for sure.

    Remember what happens whenever his feelings for a girl evolve? She either gets killed or nexted in the following film. I know that doesn't necessarily pertain to this scenario but it shows you not to change anything unless you're up for the risk.

    Let her figure out on her own that you're the prize she wants to be with. Keep living dangerously and she'll eventually come to notice. Don't even bring up the boyfriend and if she ever talks about him ignore it and talk about something else.

    He's an obstacle that can only be overcome by not acknowledging him. In the meantime, keep doing your own thing and meeting new people and women. Again, be the man she subconsciously desires by letting her come to the conclusion on her own.
    Give her the gift of missing you.

    Always leave her better than you found her.

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