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11-10-2011, 06:24 AM #1
- Join Date
- May 2011
Here i will answer :"why people think you are arrogant?" and "is arrogance good or bad?"
Arrogance good or bad and why confidence always mistaken with arrogance
I'm in a game for quite a long time and the more i was improving my skills, social circle and filter my friends and people i hang out with the more often i heard word arrogant, vein,selfish thrown in my direction and less old friends i had in my circle. So what made people think that i am arrogant,vein or selfish and why did they think so?
I went to analyze the situation and the easiest excuse i would find is that people are just jealous of others people success that's the simple explanation why they would call me arrogant, selfish,vein. people have that ugly trait called jealousy, all of us possess that trait and as soon as we see a close by person starting to be successful we get jealous and try to make him/her look bad.So what i really acquired through all the training and practising is solid level of confidence and solid frame which none of my old friends could sustain and they become jealous because they felt weaker than me, im suddenly went few levels up and now wasnt on the same level as them. In that situation you notice that you dont really feel right when you around them and they dont feel right when they are with you. Uncomfortability grows within a group and eventually you stop talking because they say you are too arrogant, too selfish you changed. But the real reason is not the change, the one of the most important goals in human life is self improvement and development during a course of the life so what happened is you developed and your level went up but your friends level stayed the same so your goals changed and their goals stayed the same therefore the uncomfort came up and eventually the distance between you and your old friends grows. For them you become arrogant,selfish,vein person that they dont want to talk.
What really happened? As you will notice when moving forward you will find new friends , this time most of your friends probably will be from upper class , the friends that have higher standards, higher goals and approx. on same level of development as you are or above you. For them you wont be an arrogant, vein or selfish person, for them all those traits will represent one main trait that male should possess CONFIDENCE. and the reason they think its confidence is because you are on the same level, you think alike, those are the people that hear every day that they beautiful, those people know other high quality people, they dont see a threat in you, they are not jealous of your success because they are successful as much.
As more time you spend with a people from higher class or higher standards the more your own standards grow and the more picky you become with who you want to talk and why you want to talk to them. Your goals become higher and clearer and your development carry on improving and in eyes of people with lower class you become more arrogant and vein.
Above was example with your friends, Im sure most of you who really successful with women will agree that the futher you were reaching the higher rate of success the less old friends you had around, only real alpha friends remained in contact because they didnt feel threatened by your success, instead they were facinated and saw in you a way to develop themselves too.
Very similar situation happens in eyes of girls, when they see a very confident guy most often they think he is arrogant. If you look at C.Ronaldo probably the best example of confidence at its best but check how girls say they would never date him because he is arrogant and self-oriented. By the way its lie the only reason they say that is because he is out of her reach, she cant date him. I know few models girls which date billioners and for them C.Ronaldo is hottest guy on planet and they dont see him as arrogant prick more like a confident alpha male. But then i will ask opinion from a girl which is 7 and she will say no she hates him because he is arrogant and self-oriented but the truth is she likes him as much as models girls do but models see him on the same level or above therefore they as arrogant or as self-oriented as he is, when a girl with lower value sees a threat in him therefore although she is attracted to him physically her intuition says he is out of her league and this leads for her to notice bad qualities about him or simply disqualify him as potential partner thus in her eyes he is vein.similar process happens with guys when they see a beautiful girl and they start disqualifying her in their eyes as they have no confidence to approach or simply AA
So now to conclusion is arrogance a good trait or not? There are two answers to this question:
-Yes arrongance is good but only if you communicate with a person that has same value as you are or higher thus arrogance will be treated as confidence. In this case arrogance will represent your level of achievement, arrogance will represent your status , arrogance will represent your ego,social intuition and way of communication, as well as self-protection from weaker or lower value people in your live. Arrogance draws girls atraction towards you.
-No arrogance is not good, because from business point and average level of people you will be a dick therefore you will be hated and looked at as an enemy.People still will be attracted to you but the more arrogant you are the more lower valued ppl will find reasons to disqualify themselves from their league, the more they will want to see you fall or fail. Thats a ugly truth of life.
Solution is try to accomodate everyone but sometimes it is just not possible therefore dont let yourself be mislead by the word arrogant,vein and self-oriented it's not a bad traits and people call you that just because you positioned yourself above them and they will threatened . One of the main needs of the people is safety so when lower valued people are around higher valued people they feel threatened and due to need of safety they will disqualify you and try to test your frame.
So the line between confidence and arrogance lies between value of the people you talk to. In company of higher valued people it will be treated as confidence and in lower value circle it will be treated as arrogance.
Enjoy and I hope you will make the neccessary outcome out of the above post
11-10-2011, 06:48 AM #2
Good post, it's an important topic, and one that people should get straight from the start...
Arrogance is a bad thing. always. without doubt. No one, literally no one, will be attracted to arrogance, it's just awful to be around an arrogant person.
Confidence, however, is the human equivalent of gravity. We are drawn to it, and jealousy or not, we respect it, admire it, love it.
The difference.. well, the way I see it,
I am happy with myself, how I am and who I am. I'm proud of some of my accomplishments, really happy with others etc. But, there's room at the top for you too. My success does not have to beat yours, we can both be successful in our own ways. Hell, we can both be successful in the same ways. I'm happy for you if you have the same accomplishments, or other accomplishments.
I do not need to feel better than you, I feel great about myself. I hope you do too. Let's have a drink and a laugh, and have some fun...
Arrogance is different, arrogance is like me saying "i am better than all of you, whatever you've done, i've done better and you are rubbish" etc. It's just horrid.
In this case, my definition differs from yours, because I internalise it. As I always do, in every aspect of the game. It's never good enough to say "the problem/issues lies with someone else", if it's my frame, I should be the one to control it. So, saying "if other people are beneath you, they'll see you as arrogant" - i don't like that mentality, I want to understand their position and see what I can do to change it, make them like me etc. In the nicest way, if it's my frame, if i'm controlling it, i cannot say that others can take it and put their own spin on it, if you follow what i mean...
So, that's how i define the difference, and in an attempt to avoid a semantic argument, I appreciate others have different definitions - more than likely just as good too . But, I quite like the way I view my pyramid of power - with room for many at the top (ok, it's a column - but that just makes it Fruedian.....)
11-10-2011, 07:14 AM #3
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
For me, the difference between confidence and arrogance lies in the way your perceive others versus how you perceive yourself...
If you honestly and whole heartedly believe you are better than someone of equal "value" due to either wealth, social standing or really any contributing factor, you are arrogant. Confidence - how well you perceive yourself PERSONALLY without comparison to others or caring how others perceive you.
All of the mentioned "arrogant" stereotypes (vanity etc) all are based upon how you wish to change how others perceive you.
If you are surrounded by confident people and you are confident, you will feel equal. If you are surrounded by arrogant people, no matter your value, they will constantly try and show themselves as higher value to those around them. To me, that's the difference
11-10-2011, 07:39 AM #4
- Join Date
- May 2011
Thanks guys , good views and opinions...
I just want to add one life example I often get complimented by girls saying "you look gud tonight" so my standard reply "thank you ,yes I know". I test over 100 times and I tell you what HB9 or 10 will think that I confident after me saying this phrase but HB8 and below will think I'm arrogant. The reason I know. I did it as a survey so I actually used to get feedback on that line . I didn't needed feedback from 9 snd 10 since with them everything flew perfect but with 8 and below the attraction used to die
02-26-2012, 04:28 PM #5
hate to bump an old topic but this is so true.
I find talking about myself with my closer friends a lot more confidence fueled because we're at that same level... and use each others accomplishments to fuel ourselves to move forward. If it's someone else who hasn't touched bases with our social group, or is lower, they'll try to spin it to shoot us down or play one-up mans ship. Interesting, and really noticeable in foresight.
I also find tonality plays a lot to do with it too. If you can say it without being nervous, it'll come off better than if you were sheepishly stating something...
02-26-2012, 05:44 PM #6
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
I was walking out of a market today - having my bags/recipient checked by a girl who already didnt know what to do when I was approaching her. She looked away, looked down, said NOTHING - even after I said thank you. Hope that insecurity burned for all the times she's done the same thing to a guy of lesser stature.
02-26-2012, 06:52 PM #7
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
This is a very good insight into the perception of arrogance.
The one thing the OP didn't mention is modesty. The OP is absolutely right about confidence from being successful being perceived as arrogance from those of a lower level/class, but there's another side to this. If the successful person is very modest and humble then other people will actually form very positive feelings for them. It's like when you meet someone, have a great discussion with them, and then later you find out that person was a millionaire. Nothing about them or what they talked about said that, so you think, "wow, I would never have even thought! He/She was such a chill down to earth person!"
There was a market research study conducted that showed how likable the interviewee was on a job interview. There were 4 different scenarios.
1. The interviewee was very good on paper (great school and good job experience), but clumsy
2. The interviewee was very good on paper and acted accordingly (confident, aggressive, etc.)
3. The interviewee was not so great on paper, but acted like they were (confident, aggressive, etc.)
4. The interviewee was not so great on paper and also clumsy
The most liked mix was actually #1 for exactly the same reasons I mentioned above. The interviewer had formed a perception of the interviewee prior to even seeing them based on their resume, but their clumsiness made them more favorable because it showed that they are human. I'll have to look through my old notes to find the study.
Anyway, I'm very successful for someone my age (23), and I've observed the points that the OP made. If I just lay it all out to a girl I meet to DHV it will sometimes backfire because it's perceived as bragging. This goes back to magic bullets. It's generally better to communicate your success through story telling and hints. The absolute best way to communicate it is through someone else because then it is not bragging.
02-26-2012, 07:26 PM #8
You need to know how to be personable with higher and lower value people. Actually there is no such things as "higher" and "lower" value people. It's all multidimensional.
Someone who can have no "social connections" or "pick up skils" could be the best at playing the drums and maybe teach you one day, as well as someone who knows how to "pick up" girls might have no life.
Who has higher value?
The way I see it, it's ok to be perceived as arrogant from outside. (from people you have very few contacts with, i.e you can be perceived as arrogant for not reacting to certain to simple situations.)
However, you should be perceived as awesome/confident from people on the inside. (people you will have more chance to get to know and can share bit by bit yourself.)
If anyone, you've hung out with for more than an hour perceives you as arrogant, you're doing something wrong. (You're probably looking at them from high up, which is BAD)
Never force yourself to be social, but always create connections when a chance opens up.
Your value rises and falls, but your connections stay.
02-26-2012, 07:35 PM #9
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
There is such a thing as higher and lower value people, or anything. It's perceptual, though, meaning that it's relative to the individual. Still, because of societal precepts that we all share there is a common perception of what is considered higher or lower.
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