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Discuss Stages of Attraction at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Stages of Attraction Okay so my basic understanding of attraction is that it manifests in ...
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    Stages of Attraction

    Okay so my basic understanding of attraction is that it manifests in an order similar to this:
    Opening
    Attraction
    Comfort

    I understand why they come in this order but, what I don't understand is why if you can read that someone is attracted to you, you can't just jump straight to building comfort. I would think, and this is after some massive amounts of rationalization, that you could build massive amounts of comfort nearly immediately and it would make the relationship extremely strong. This is what I do, extremely successful when it comes to making friends, insanely effective. When I try to initiate this in dating it doesn't seem to work as well, or at all really. I'm really chill and relaxed when I go out, and this seems to make me look interesting but when implemented in practice relating to dating, it seems that there's just no interest in return.

    Also it's fair to say that I did leave some stages out so really it's
    1a. Opening
    1b. Transitioning
    2a. Attraction
    2b. Qualification
    3. Comfort
    4. Seduction

    I'm aware that this a newbie question but I've been gaming for a few years and feel that this is more of a theoretical question rather than just an explanation. Why is it so important to build at every level rather than just get what you need to move onto the next? I do fine with opening, and transitioning, but when I get to attraction I don't seem to spend enough time on it before I move straight to comfort, I feel that comfort would cement the attraction but instead jumping straight to comfort usually ends with me being friendzoned. I usually don't really mess with seduction as I'm not looking for a quick lay, I'm looking for a date or two and some fun if I like them as a person.

    Insight?


    "Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction..." -Tyler Durden
    Quote Originally Posted by Lv3
    Diatribe

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    Lyx
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    Quote Originally Posted by GOM View Post
    Why is it so important to build at every level rather than just get what you need to move onto the next? I do fine with opening, and transitioning, but when I get to attraction I don't seem to spend enough time on it before I move straight to comfort, I feel that comfort would cement the attraction but instead jumping straight to comfort usually ends with me being friendzoned.


    You pretty much answered your own question. You need to do it because you'll get LJBFed if you don't.

    Attract and qualify.

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    You have to remember that everything has a context. Opening, Attraction, Comfort is perfect for cold approach pickup -- where you have to surprise, lead, and excite random women. It's not necessarily perfect in all attraction situations.

    What I think your problem is that you are probably a really likable guy, someone who people feel drawn to, but who can't create attraction because you don't produce any tension. Remember: the seduction process should move naturally, but it should move. And in order for something to move, it needs some kind of force or tension. Attraction is the process by which tension tries to resolve itself. What I tend to do in social situations is:

    Open
    Comfort
    Give DOIs
    Attract.

    It's good to create comfort in the beginning, but if it stays in comfort, then you are stuck in the friend zone. You should always have an air of distance or detachment around you. Less is always more.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lyx View Post
    You pretty much answered your own question. You need to do it because you'll get LJBFed if you don't.

    Attract and qualify.
    But there's got to be some reason for it. I mean that's like saying that atoms are the smallest form of matter. Why? Well because they are.

    I'm not trying to argue with you over the outcome, I know better than most what the outcome is and why it occurs. But the way my brain works, I need to know why a method works not just that it works. I was looking for a psychology based answer not so much a definition using the word in the definition.
    "Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction..." -Tyler Durden
    Quote Originally Posted by Lv3
    Diatribe

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    Quote Originally Posted by GOM View Post
    But there's got to be some reason for it. I mean that's like saying that atoms are the smallest form of matter. Why? Well because they are.

    I'm not trying to argue with you over the outcome, I know better than most what the outcome is and why it occurs. But the way my brain works, I need to know why a method works not just that it works. I was looking for a psychology based answer not so much a definition using the word in the definition.
    Two reasons. One, comfort creates a zone of predictability, right away. When girls first meet you, they are quickly going to decide whether you are a potential mate or a potential buddy. Starting with comfort shows her that you want to be a potential buddy, making the process more predictable (and i.e. controllable). She likes that and won't want the relationship to change.

    Two, if you're someone who usually jumps to comfort, it shows that you're someone who doesn't want to take risks. It communicates to a girl that you either don't want her bad enough or you are trying to be her friend just so you have a better chance of sleeping with her. Either of those alternatives puts you in the friend zone.

    You have to realize that girls are extremely intuitive. They can sense these things a mile away. You have to make sure you're very careful with what you communicate to a girl.

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    I'm aware that this a newbie question but I've been gaming for a few years and feel that this is more of a theoretical question rather than just an explanation. Why is it so important to build at every level rather than just get what you need to move onto the next? I do fine with opening , and transitioning , but when I get to attraction I don't seem to spend enough time on it before I move straight to comfort , I feel that comfort would cement the attraction but instead jumping straight to comfort usually ends with me being friendzoned. I usually don't really mess with seduction as I'm not looking for a quick lay, I'm looking for a date or two and some fun if I like them as a person.
    Dude, I don't know, your approach seems to me pretty calculating, video-game like "get just enough points to be able to advance to the next level". It doesn't really work like that. You should in fact enjoy the interaction and not get so rigidly stuck in the model. In fact, you may find that some aspects of attraction/comfort may overlap in time.

    Main point is, you should enjoy making woman attracted to you, and not just think of it as necessary evil to be done to get to next phase.
    Quote Originally Posted by CMPitts
    IOIs don't mean shit if you don't act on them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Soul
    Q: How do you know a girl wants to have sex with you?
    A: You try to have sex with her and she lets you.
    http://www.theattractionforums.com/relationships/79426-he-might-fucking-my-girl-2.html#post501143

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    Lyx
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    Quote Originally Posted by GOM View Post
    But there's got to be some reason for it. I mean that's like saying that atoms are the smallest form of matter. Why? Well because they are.

    I'm not trying to argue with you over the outcome, I know better than most what the outcome is and why it occurs. But the way my brain works, I need to know why a method works not just that it works. I was looking for a psychology based answer not so much a definition using the word in the definition.
    It's basically evolutionary psychology.

    You'd have to read up on it or do a search for it on the forum if you want a thorough explanation (too long and no time for me to type here), however, I wouldn't really worry about it. Theory doesn't always translate to practice, so doing all that research and trying to apply it likely won't help you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lyx View Post
    It's basically evolutionary psychology.

    You'd have to read up on it or do a search for it on the forum if you want a thorough explanation (too long and no time for me to type here), however, I wouldn't really worry about it. Theory doesn't always translate to practice, so doing all that research and trying to apply it likely won't help you.
    As much as this may take whatever perception people have of me down a bit, thank you for your response. I honestly meant no disrespect rather I was just looking for a more solid answer, thanks for taking the time to answer it again.
    "Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction..." -Tyler Durden
    Quote Originally Posted by Lv3
    Diatribe

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