Discuss Epic story, and a challenge for all. at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Epic story, and a question for all.
1. Amusing story. (I know, it's the internet, ...
Epic story, and a question for all.
1. Amusing story. (I know, it's the internet, no one reads blocks of text. ).
2. The question (challenge) I have is at the end.
3. I threw in some of my possible solutions at the end.
At the least, hope you enjoy the movie-esque story. Advice is appreciated though.
1. Amusing Story:
I help teach at a graduate school. One random morning, I am asked to substitute for one of the introductory classes. I immediately note the HB10. At first glance, it is no wonder she is known as one of the most desirable woman in the school. Guys follow her around. Guys will interrupt her classes, sit next to her, and try to talk to her... during a class! We're talking top of the line.
In class I act in a way that is already in line with the common attractors: cocky and funny, great story telling. As a side bonus, most students usually befriend me mighty fast because I teach subjects they like in a more relate-able way. This helps with regular students, but it also obviously will get the attention of a few HBs. By the end of that class, the target HB, her friend, and another random girl start, start being witty back. Good start to a surprise "substitute this class!"
I did not see the target HB again until she enrolls into one of my classes. If you're wondering why I didn't pursue during that downtime, it's pretty safe to say, a girl with that kind of reputation, there is a good chance she's a slut or heavily attached. That actually probably made me play my game even better than I normally would, haha. I worked on more realistic potentials in the meantime.
I teach the class, which is in line with the attraction phase. She begins to go out of her way to qualify herself to me: dressing provocatively, asking for my help more, hanging around me after class, showing increased interest in the topics I teach, doing extra credit (this isn't an easy subject). Now she's proving she's smart, making her more desirable. Plus, as time continues on, she is demonstrates some loyalty, which is helping her qualification.
She somehow gets my number (no clue how), and begins to text me. She eventually starts visiting my desk. I play games with her, playing hard to get, generally having fun with witty conversation. It is clear I am driving her absolutely crazy that I am not giving in. (She later admits she has never chased a guy before, muhaha!)
She eventually invites me to a party. I say maybe. She texts me that night, begging for me to come over. I continue being passive. She calls me, and begs. I give in (reward her for her, now, long-term efforts) and go over, but only with plans to perhaps move to the next phase, comfort. She is proving herself to be a potential LTR: beautiful, smart, similar interests, loyalty.
I arrive at the party, unfortunately, she is already destroyed from drinking (perhaps a little /too/ excited that I am coming over...?). I take care of her a short while, and end up handing her over to her roommates to take her home. Outside of being a potential LTR, I am not the type of guy to take advantage. That's just not cool. If I was gunning go to bed with her, I could have gotten it a long time ago.
During that night, the HB sneaks out of her friends' care, to find me. She never does find me though. Ultimately her friends find her wandering about, and they believe that I had something to do with it, because the HB had told her friends how much she wanted me. Through some intense negotiation, I manage to convince them I had left the party, and that nothing happened. Apparently, she always goes overboard with the drinking, and this situation was the last straw, so many of her friends stop hanging out with her. (Side note: I am pretty certain that taught her a lesson about drinking...)
For the HB, this drama makes her shy, and even feel guilty. She realizes how bad this could have been for me too (student alliance against a teacher is bad on many levels), and apologizes profusely. I let it all rest. This all happens at the end of a class anyway, and we do not run into each other for another month. I figure the situation is toast, I move onto safer prospects.
Now we're onto the next class, and tada, there she is. This class isn't in a typical lecture hall like the previous, and she sits next to the lectern, next to me. Early on in this class, we have two week project where I give them work time. We end up chatting about common interests and such. Essentially doing some of that comfort stuff I meant to do ages ago. She texts me afterward, the first time since the disaster, saying she misses me.
Looks like the game is back on! Everything goes to plan at this point... actually a lot faster than I expected. We resume texting. But, the higher-level games are minimal. She goes straight to seducing me... sweet! We have egged each other for months and months now... not only am I driving her crazy... she's starting to drive me crazy. Hormones kick in... I pretty much throw the system(s) (what I've always called "my rules") out the window. She comes over, despite my valiant attempt to stick to "my rules," in less than 20 minutes of her being over, we're doing the bed dance.
Things go swimmingly for a few weeks. We declare a relationship. She talks about staying around during the summer, instead of going home. Everything is awesome, she even gives me all sorts of dirty hints in class. The whole thing has turned into a great story for us and life is good.
Except for one issue: maybe because I was running on hormones, maybe because I thought I "won," maybe because our story was so epic I couldn't see it all falling apart... I never returned to "my rules" (the system(s)). My bad habits from a decade ago returned: I began asking for a lot of her time, and not even fun way. She was initially willing, but final projects had begun, and she did not have the time to give. After a month, she admits she does not have the time for a relationship. She asks for me to keep in touch and I ask her to return the favor. I offer to return her stuff from my place, but she refuses, which is strange. Ultimately: I drove her away, damn it.
Now that I have lost her, my brain kicks in, and I return to "my rules" (system(s)). Ideally, I leave a month of silence before resuming communication, and that is what I did. Of course, I still see her around. Her behavior is erratic. Sometimes showing interest, such as stealing stuff from me during class, sitting close when I was helping her with something, sometimes lock in a gaze. Other times she shows no interest at all, not paying attention, she promised an extra credit, but doesn't seem to have made any progress, grades have been worse. For that month, I did not go out of my way to talk to her or anything, trying to do my best to follow "my rules" and to respect her request.
(Important related note: she is well aware of her beauty and that everyone wants her, she told me time and time again during our relationship she goes out of her way to not use her "v-card" to get anywhere in life. She told me a few stories to what lengths she goes to to avoid receiving bias. She has never asked for favors from me, ever. Even when we were together, if I offered extra help on something academic, she actively refused it... it invigorated her to do it on her own. Only times she asked for help was to spend more time with me, before we were together.)
The day I was to resume contact, she dressed quite provocatively, and stood quite close to me... her smell drove me crazy, haha. I texted her that night, where it took her hours to respond. She apologized for taking so long to respond (good?). We only sent a few texts over a few hours. She is receptive, but not proactive.
2. The Question:
How do I get her "back on track?" What phase are we in? How do I jump start her?
As you may have read in the story, despite many hiccups along the path, the attraction stays alive. I feel we are kinda late-attraction, most likely qualifying, but comfort might be enough?
I feel like I need to get her qualifying again... she isn't putting forth the effort she once used to. Her IOIs are erratic, some could be misinterpreted. What types of hints can I leave for her to begin qualifying herself again? Keep in mind, this is going to be largely texts and IM initially, until we hang out again.
(While there are plenty of fish in the sea, she seems to have piqued my interest--she's a challenge, this whole situation has been a challenge. Since I have this opportunity [she asked for me to talk to her again], I feel like I should take it. Worse thing that can happen is, nothing, right!?)
3. Possible Solutions I Have:
I never stopped being cocky and funny, telling stories, etc. It's just how I am. I have plenty of DHV: in a position of authority, just got some accolades for side projects. I dress well, take care of myself, etc. So, it's not like I'm not doing attraction by default.
I feel like I need to make her qualify, for her to go out of her way to contact me. I unfortunately do not have many ideas here. The only some-what obfuscated hint I can think of is to tease her about leaving her stuff here. Either teasing her that I will charge rent, or that it is eating up valuable space. I have thought about teasing her about not following up on her end of the deal, I have contacted her, but she hasn't contacted me, but that is pretty lame. Ideas? Again, something textable would be best.
Since we have previously been at a comfort level and above, I feel like I could be more direct. An idea I have is to flat-out ask her out again, but there has to be better, or some crafty way of asking. If we do go out, we would something fun and interactive (attraction/qualify), then take a walk and catch up (comfort). I would leave no hints of going to my place as to avoid any reminders of how I used to pester her for her time. I would purposefully avoid sex initially, make her work for it, use it as a reward.
Whenever I do ask her out, it should covert--just in to help avoid reminders of how I used to pester her for time when we were together. Any suggestions there?
I am trying to rebuild the environment for how we started: she quickly became attracted to me, she chased me, I made her work for it, she earned additional value in me by working for it.
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