Discuss virgin FWB? at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; virgin FWB?
I'm 33, and barely 21 year old girl sort of picked me up ...
I'm 33, and barely 21 year old girl sort of picked me up at a lounge I was at.
Last night, I took her salsa then to my place, then as I dropped her off at her place she suggested I come up. As we're making out and she's dry humping me, she asks 'what are you looking for?' - I tell her I'm not looking for anything serious or exclusive. She says, 'yeah I'm in dental school, and its crazy busy, so I cant have a bf either, just looking for something fun..maybe like friends with benefits, except we're not really friends'. 'Ok' I say.
A bit later, as I'm trying to escalate with p-kino and boob kino and she's pushing my hand away, she tells me she's a virgin, and for now we can do anything but go all the way 'there', but the presumption is that eventually, or even on the next date, it could go there.
I'm taken aback a little because I've heard that taking a girl's v-card is really a no-no, because that's asking her to be emotionally committed to you. So I'm a little confused - this girl's not your average 21 year old, in so far that she's really smart, down to earth and pragmatic (she's just 'ok' looking but our personalities click).
I'm wondering if I should stay away from the v-card firmly, cuz that's recipe for disaster, or has anyone have good v-card stories that turned out 'well' without a psycho girl chasing you later if things cool down?
I'm thinking she got turned off whenever you told her you weren't look for anything serious. So instead of getting disappointed, she fakes agreement, and then mysteriously doesn't want to have sex anymore. I have a feeling if you would have said you were looking for something serious, she would have said the same thing.
Change your answer to "what are you looking for?"
I always say, "I'm just going where life takes me. If it's to a relationship, cool, if it's to something fun and exciting, thats cool too."
You want something that's flexible so it doesn't end up cockblocking you.
As for virgins, they are usually more trouble than they are worth. Just use your personal judgement to see if it's worth it.
I personally try not to take a girl's virginity if I know she is a virgin...just because some of my ex-girlfriends have told me that their first time sucked and wished they could have it back, etc. But that is my personal choice. I have been with a couple girls who haven't had sex in a year...and it was wonderful, of course. But use good judgment when with a virgin...I don't think you should fuck her just because she is a virgin...because that wouldn't be cool.
Also...I agree with what Pitts said...I always say something like "I'm not looking for a relationship...but if it happens then I'm cool with that. I'm trying to enjoy life while I'm young."
Thanks for both of you on the answer about 'what are you looking for', much better answers than my 'honest' one. I guess I felt the need to stress that while she was proposing some sort of 'lets hang out' I wanted to make it clear that it wasn't going to be exclusive since she's only 21 and she could harbour more romantic notions of relationships.
About the fact that she got turned off, I don't think that was an issue - I was having enough trouble even escalating the kino, (and this being the 'first date') I doubt she would've just put out like that, nor I would've wanted it knowing she was a virgin.
All good, we're still texting after the fact and she's expressed she hopes we can hang out again. I might get some third base out of this, and if no strings attached, I'm not complaining.
The limitations regarding virgins are in your head ... If she is a smart 21 yr old, like you said, she probably has a lot of 'experienced' friends and would know exactly what she's getting into when she's going for it with you ... good thing that you had been completely honest the first time ...
You could probably throw a few tests her way to judge her maturity level ... If she seems ok with handling social situations, she should be ok with sleeping with you ...
PS : I told a virgin girl once that I wasn't looking for a relationship and only wanted sex. She didn't get mad or behave phyco, but we didn't end up sleeping together ...
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