Discuss Is AN Identity better than NO Identity? (Even if its horrible?) at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Is AN Identity better than NO Identity? (Even if its horrible?)
so this ...
Is AN Identity better than NO Identity? (Even if its horrible?)
so this is what Im wondering about currently.
Im a pretty intelligent, good-looking, socially competent guy (/brag) and naturally I have little trouble with the different "parts" of the game. Its good to see those things analyzed and written down, but overall Im not lost without guidelines etc. Im still very enthusiastic about it all, especially since Im a perfectionist and I DO wanna improve my game to the absolute maximum.
Now the only thing I am completely lost with is the identity part. The thing about me is Im not only pretty intellig... bla and everything, but also rather fucked up in the head. I used to do a ton of drugs, Ive been in closed mental institutions and I cant wear T-shirts during summer because of the self afflicted scars on my wrists (not the auto-aggression cutting BS, but scars from an actual suicide attempt which are very conspicious).
Needless to say my philosophy (big hobby) is nihilistic and I take great pride in being amoral and atheistic.
NOW dont get scared, Ive never hurt anyone but myself and please dont close this thread. Im merely outlining my situation and I really crave some advice on this issue.
Obviously its hard for me to talk to girls about horoscopes, ponies and rainbows, but I usually manage and I do get the girl. However, Im having trouble connecting with the socially more apt specimen. Often I attract allright and once it gets to comfort I seem to lose them (sometimes quickly, sometimes more gradually) and I sure as hell blame it on my non existent identity and therefore lacking congruency.
I know what to do and what to say, but missing an identity which usually compounds the effects, Im just a cute guy in a white shirt (my favourite outfit, I have 14 white shirts and no other wardwrobe whatsoever).
So now that I really want to step my game up, Im starting to think. I CANT be a
you know the list. Core identities that are "alpha" and sexy. The only socially acceptable identity I could pull off is the one of an intellectual [by the way if you are wondering why I keep saying Im smart but my English is weird: its because im German]. But seeing how I dropped my psych bachelor and I now work in a hotel it feels super edgy, so I dont wanna do that.
The only thing that I could really BE, FEEL and COMMUNICATE is the one of an actual freak. Mad, Bad and Dangerous. They even say its sexy but I have serious doubts.
Seen the move "Batman: The Dark Knight"? Well, picture the Joker with less make-up and no scars approaching you in a bar. Thats me.
The Joker finds rape funny, thinks killing is a part of life, takes on brutal fights as a serious underdog and flips a coin for life and death with a gun against his head just because he can.
Thats what I could be. Thats what Id love to show in a club and in a bar. Even during daygame.
Actually doing it would require some serious expenses I guess (for the outfit primarily) which is why Im now posting it, instead of just doing it.
So for all the PUAs out there, what do you think? Ever met this guy? Are you this guy?
Whatever comes to mind.
...why so serious?
"[...]the rules of Emotion reign supreme." - Daniel Rose
The "Joker" would cause lots of people to flip out, I mean you mentioned the "finds rape funny." I doubt that would ever go over well with a woman. Its a neat thought, as I love the character, but I think you'd end up taking it down a wrong path and would become something that you really aren't at the core. It also has little value in general as far as I can tell. Besides that, it would just appear too fake. In order to be the Joker, you would have to be a diabolical sonofabitch to really be genuine. Maybe this roleplaying experiment works in your MMOs or wherever the heck you got this idea, but it has little real life application as far as I can tell.
If you're trying to emulate an identity, pick it apart and observe the pieces that make up the identity. Think of the underlying beliefs someone who purely fits that identity would believe, and do you like those beliefs? Can you adopt it? If so, then do it. If not, don't.
marilyn manson is kinda a freak and he does alright.you sound very intelligent so I dont think you would have problems learning Emotional Intelligence and maybe even build a lovingly intelligent relationship with yourself which is important for attracting the more socially apt specimen especially when building comfort, unless shes a freak and likes raping,shopping and stuff .
as long as your happy to stay as the crazy bi polar joker then cool because it sounds emotionally draining.
just as a random note:
If there is any negative self talk going on for you then it needs to be called out and replaced, then the ego can have a rest as it will be working hard to stabalise emotions for you,and it will show up in set unintentionally as low self esteem or arrogance.
Thanks for the responses.
Its funny how so much changed for me the second after I posted this thread. I read Faders post on negativity and it did A LOT for me.
I might be starting to change in a more positive direction and see where it takes me. Ill probably still be a freak, but maybe one who people are less likely to run from.
"[...]the rules of Emotion reign supreme." - Daniel Rose
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