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Discuss lack of caring and interest in people at the General Discussion within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; lack of caring and interest in people I have a problem that extends past pick ...
  1. #1
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    lack of caring and interest in people

    I have a problem that extends past pick up

    Basically I have issues in developing rapport and bonding with others, mainly because most of the time I genuinely have no interest in other people and their lives.

    Don’t get me wrong, I would like to be able to meet people and make friends easily but most of the time I have no interest in actually getting to know them and it shows when I’m having conversations as I can’t fake interest, I won't have anything to say back to them and I just don’t care

    I also have no desire to tell people about details of my life and other than when DHV’ing I won’t offer up information about myself unless specifically asked, not just when meeting new people but even with those who are very close to me.

    In pick up this isn’t to much of a problem, I have scored with many girls due to them being intrigued by my ‘mysterious’ nature…however it does cause problems with developing relationships, with me being told that I am ‘too difficult to read’ and ‘stand off-ish’

    I won’t lie; in the past I have had major social anxiety issues which has left me with poor conversational skills. However, now I find that I don’t struggle with anxiety quite like I used to and am fairly confident to approach others, the issue is that I just don’t want to, as I have no interest in them as people.

    I don’t want to rely on routines for pick up, and I want to be able to improve my inner game and conversational skills to actually be able to genuinely develop rapport with other people.

    Any tips on conversational skills and inner game to help with this issue?


    The victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory

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    this is a tough one, and i'm not entirely sure what you're asking here.

    are you looking to change your current outlook, or just paper over the cracks so you can be more succesful as a PUA ?

    personally i would look to address your issue with not relating to people. this is at the root of what i can only imagine to a potentially very negative view of the world. we're all different, so good luck to you, but c'mon people are fascinating, no ? all the contradictions, confusions and mystery just adds to the magic. how can you expect people to give a shit about you, if you dont reciprocate ?

    if you do want to address this then maybe look towards some kind of talking therapy. you mention experiencing social anxiety, maybe your indifference to people is some sort of self-defence mechanism. indifference can being the easy, low-risk option sometimes, but if you spend your life like it you may end up missing out.

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    i may not have been clear, yes i am looking for an overall change of outlook not to just improve PUA skills

    i want to get to know people better and cultivate more meaningful relationships but really dont know how as I just seem to be faking rapport for the sake of it. occasionally i will genuinly click with someone and develop a really good relationship, i want to change this from occasionally to often.

    i want to improve my skills to be a better conversationalist in social situations, be less introverted and be able to expand my social circle. I just need some advice, resources and tips on how best to do this

    and yes i admit there is an element of self-defense caused by the social anxiety issues, which i why i dont open up to people about important stuff until i fully trust them, but this shouldnt affect being interested in them
    The victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory

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    This is a deep inner root problem, i guess a belief you had or developed.

    In lot revealing a lot, this is actually a problem. This is being passive, and not let the other people know who you are... i guess you are afraid to get rejected and you defend yourself.

    This is actually a Self esteem issue... i am also working on this... my belief "I need evey one love" -> "If i get rejected is because nobody likes me" -> this come trough an action...

    So, i guess that you in the past could have conversation skills you are okay...

    Resolve your self esteem and being more assertive( this also means revealing about yourself, not just getting what you want or dont want)

    Well i am actually working on this... Try cognitive behaviour therapy... this looks like a deep rooten one... get a psycology!!!

    I hope that helped...

    For conversation skills the easiest way is to socialize... more socializing will improve yout social skills... and i guess CHarisma arts...

    Also be carefull, in my case for example... looking for a system or skills may be a way also of perfectionism and to get over this rooten way... so is like "if i say evetthing right, know how to create rapport people will like me", this is not the issue... will only make things worse...

    In my opinion, fix inner game... and expose yourself more socially... then if you need some fixing, look for social skills...

    another thing is like this... if you dont really like yourself you cannot like others...

    Simple exercise: Get a page and write your positive traits, i mean what you are good and does not rely on the exterior.

    My example:

    Funny
    Honest
    Adaptable
    Open to new things
    ....


    Start based you self esteem in this issues and not issues that you cannot control...

    When i done this... i looked and i was amazing... i read and i said... i am AMAZING... really i really put me down... if someone describe anyboday with my charistics i would say this guy is amazing...

    And the true is that everybody is amazing....

    Like and old saying "It is not the cards you have is how you play the game"

    Example: I remember in my first year of college, i was running out with a natural this guy is the real playboy for me, he was really hot in the womens eyes,...

    SO for me, and i learned this early, when i was getting in someplace with him... all womens would go craxy about him... I simply would not do NOTHING, i had no change over there... but after this it was based in personality...

    what i am saying, and i guess in overally, which person must adopt is game to his advantages...


    "ITS NOT THE CARDS YOU HAVE, IS HOW YOU PLAY THE CARDS "

    Ps. I am still thinking why i talked about the last part :S

    Well i am joining money for inner game with Braddock, i wanna see every aspect of inner game... so i can see where to improve :P

    I hope this helped....

    Quote Originally Posted by Waves View Post
    i may not have been clear, yes i am looking for an overall change of outlook not to just improve PUA skills

    i want to get to know people better and cultivate more meaningful relationships but really dont know how as I just seem to be faking rapport for the sake of it. occasionally i will genuinly click with someone and develop a really good relationship, i want to change this from occasionally to often.

    i want to improve my skills to be a better conversationalist in social situations, be less introverted and be able to expand my social circle. I just need some advice, resources and tips on how best to do this

    and yes i admit there is an element of self-defense caused by the social anxiety issues, which i why i dont open up to people about important stuff until i fully trust them, but this shouldnt affect being interested in them

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    One last thing...

    Everbody will be running game... routines... bla bla bla...


    and you want to know something trueee.... why in the end some girl will choose you????


    IS because of you... your personality... everyone can ruin game... but not everbody can mantain a girl....

    And this is based because everybody is different... simple sell yourself... why you are different than other people....


    This is why you separate yourself from the other.... Develop yourself to the best You can BE!!!!


    Dont try to be Mastery, Sinn,.... Just be yourself in the Best manner... not in a passive way... IF you are not growing you are dying...

    Another thing... you attract people similar to yourself

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    I used to have this problem.

    It takes discipline to conquer. Don't expect everyone to throw their most interesting bits at you, search for things. Talk to a guy and really listen. If he says something cool, or wise, reflect it back. "Wow, that is cool you have a black belt!" "Ace insight, man!" They show you more that way. Try it for a few weeks, if you don't find anything you like, hang with other people. It works with girls too.

    If it is someone you know for a while, say more structural things, based on his behavior. "Glad you never mind being the designated driver." "Watching football with you rocks, you always keep a full fridge and you know the game." "Your game is on point and you never cockblock, I couldn't ask for a better wing." or for a girl "You always look hot when we go on dates, I like that you make the effort.".

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    thanks for the advice...im not sure its really a self esteem issue, im confident in who i am as a person.

    admitidly as a teenager i went a several years not being confident, being depressed and having the social anxiety issues as a result. basically i think this has had a major knock on effect in my life, affecting the development of my social skills and causing the not caring and introverted attitude with conversation. especially as i still have depressive episodes every now and again

    every other aspect of my game is going well, last night there was a 5 set and i kiss closed 2 of them on the dancefloor purely on body language alone because i was having a great time and it showed...however despite this and the fact one of them kept coming back to dance next to me all night i had absolutely no interest in talking to her or anyone else in the club. this aint right and needs fixing!

    i guess its just gonna be a case of forcing myself to talk to others, practicing and just faking it till I make it.
    The victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory

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