Thread: Approach Anxiety.... is a gift....

I used to always ask myself how I can get rid of approach anxiety , without approaching a girl. I read about affirmations, and visualization techniques and all that shit(even though it helps), but it never took away my fear.

You guys got to realize that if you never ever got approach anxiety , then you would never ever feel confident. I remember my first day when I started to approach girls, I probably approached at least 20-25 sets, and got blown out each time(before I found LS) and was a bit dissapointed that night, but when I woke up, and left my house and saw a hot girl, I just simply didn't give a fuck anymore, and knew that I could finally start to try things out. I got to the point that I just STOPPED giving a fuck, and my life turned 100 times better. Eventually my not giving a fuck vibe, started to get my attraction to girls, and yeah.

Approach Anxiety is a gift. Anxiety turns into confidence, it turns into adrenaline.

If you feel 10 points of anxiety (asking a girl for the time), then you will feel 10 points of confidence when you ask a girl for the time.

If you feel 100 points of anxiety (when approaching a girl direct and telling her that you think she is sexy), then you will feel 100 points of confidence when you approach her.

When you face your fear, your anxiety , then it turns into CONFIDENCE, or adrenaline. It forms a chemical reaction in your body, that feels so fuckin awesome. It magnetizes you and girls can smell it from a while away.

That's why when you approach a girl when you're super drunk, you don't feel any confidence, simply because you didn't have any anxiety in the first place!


The more anxiety you feel, the more confidence and adrenaline you will get when you face your fear. If you don't face your fear, and not approach girls and don't take any action, then that anxiety , will affect your self esteem in a negative way.

I used to always wonder why i don't get confident and why I feel timid and self conciense and wierd aroung hot girls, well, it's because I always wanted to stay in my comfort zone, and when you stay in your comfort zone for too long, eventually, you start to become 1000 times more uncomfortable in social situations. Approach Anxiety means that the confidence is up for grabs.

Hope that helps.

What you're feeling is actually a lack of motivation.
Don't confuse it with a lack of fear or a sense of overconfidence.

The adrenaline rush that comes with facing your fears boosts your motivation.
Fear is a powerful animal emotion that not only allows us to run from predators, but face them head-on as well.
Just think of rattlesnakes. When bigger animals get near them they're shaking in fear, but they still have the motivation to attack. Fear is what's allowing them to strike so quickly.

I suffer from the same problem myself. Approaching people doesn't make me nervous anymore, but rather it is often a wholly uninteresting experience altogether. My brain would much rather be doing something intellectual.

The solution:
Stop being lazy. Find ways to motivate yourself.
Also, caffeine is your friend.

when you are facing your fear.. it just shows that you are willing to move on and start taking control in life.. fear happens for many reasons one of those biggest reason that it happen is because we often do not know the outcome, and feel that we might not be in control or be able to control it if something happens. It doesn't necessary means that you will have confident when you have AA.

Confident happens because you have done something so many times before with success that when you need to do it again, you know you will be able to do it.

Originally Posted by Xubler

when you are facing your fear.. it just shows that you are willing to move on and start taking control in life.. fear happens for many reasons one of those biggest reason that it happen is because we often do not know the outcome, and feel that we might not be in control or be able to control it if something happens. It doesn't necessary means that you will have confident when you have AA.

Confident happens because you have done something so many times before with success that when you need to do it again, you know you will be able to do it.

Pretty much, you go talk to a group of girls, they tell you to fuck(or give you IOIs), or whatever. Then you laugh it off and say to yourself, "that wasn't so bad", and then if you don't attach meaning to it, or get blown out enough, then you're like, this is fun, and then when you expect to get blown out, it seems as if they don't because of your confidence.

Approaching helps inner game .

I don't agree with the whole mental points thing but I agree that your fear become good adrenaline. It's like a base-jumper. At first he shits himself at the sight of how high he is. After jumping over and over again he gets high off jumping from so high.

"Fear can either be a straightjacket that paralyses you or it can be a best friend that pushes you" (unknown source).

I just want to say that this post really made a lot of sense, well said!
Keep up the progress everyone!

-Rockstep

Good post

Great post, dude, and excellent timing. I'm just reading the Game for the second time right now, and while I've been able to apply some of the things I've picked up from it into my interactions with girls, my one huuuge sticking point is still the approach.

I was at a bar in Brooklyn on Fri night where there were alot of hot chicks and everytime I found a set I wanted to approach, I f'n froze. I used lame ass excuses like, "i should finish reading the book first, so I'll know what to say" and "let me learn some tricks to raise my value by reading a cold reading book or something before I try to open them" which were total cop-outs b/c basically I musta forgotten to take my tampon out and was being a wuss. lol

Today I'm at it again...I realize my one main issue is worrying what the girls think of me and I'm gonna have to get past that for any of this to stick..so I'm leaving my house today with the goal of giving at least a big smile and a "hello" or "how are you?" to every chick I come across. Thinking if I can get more confident doing that, then I can move on to opening properly.

Too be honest, I'd have to say the best product for Approach Anxiety is Tony Robbins book, Awaken the Giant.

For a person that has never ever done a approach, it's wayyyyy different for him than a person that has done a bunch but still gets AA at times. The person that has done approaches knows how to deal with it and uses the anxiety to his advantage.

For a person that has never ever approached a girl, that first approach, can be one of the greatest feelings that ever happened.

It's all about taking action, most people know what to do, but most people don't do it. Once you hit the pain threshold, then your life will become sooooo much better. A person that has never approached, that goes out, and sees sexy women in bars, clubs, streets or whatever, when you hit that boiling point, when you just get so fuckin frustrated and angry, that is usually when people say "fuck this," grab their balls and approach the girl. They take action after feeling so much pain from not approaching , that they just can't handle it. I know most of these people feel like their prisoners in their own mind. Facing your fear of the approach, just doing it, will release the prisoner inside you to a road of abundance, freedom and power.

If you have approach anxiety , ask yourself what your life could be like if you start to approach girls, and what your life can be like, if you DON'T start approaching . Imagine seeing yourself in the movie 40 year old virgin , think whatever that brings you pain, FEEL the pain of regret of not approaching . Once you feel so much fuckin pain in you and truly decide you want to get over this shit and live in freedom, that is the day, you will defeat approach anxiety . You can do all this visualizations, affirmations, and all that crap, but none of it will have the same effect as pain.

I remember somebody saying, to go up to 10 girls a day and hold eye contact, then when you can do that, to say hi to 10 girls, and etc. I think that advice sucked bad. If you want to get over your anxiety , don't do it in baby steps, go do a real approach, it will be 1000 times more powerful. If you want to get over AA, feel the fuckin pain.

I remember Mystery said not to masturbate more than once a week. I thought that was horrible advice too for a guy that has never approached. I held it for a week, and on the 6th day, it seemed as if I was looking more forward to that, then to approaching . If you have never approached and want to get over this shit. Make a commitment to yourself that you won't jack off, until you do ONE approach and start from there.

You guys are lucky that you have found Love Systems , now you don't have to worry about how to start a conversation. The Routine's Manual is money.

Get a fuckin opener, write down a transition, feel the pain until you just can't fuckin handle it no more, grab your balls, and go approach.


-----

There you go everybody, the best cure to approach anxiety .

RoutineSpittinAnimal beautifully fucking said. Well done man..